Parent missing last day of primary?

[Knickerbockergrolia]

I have a week away with friends most years, which I love. This is usually towards the end of the summer term before schools break up. When my oldest left primary a couple of years ago, I made sure I was back before his last day of school. Now next year's is being planned and it looks like it will fall over the last week of term, so if I go I would miss DD's last day of primary. My instinct is to not go - finishing primary will be a big thing for her, she'll likely be going to a different school to lots of her friends, and I want to be around to see her in on her last day and give her a hug afterwards. DH thinks I'm being daft and should go. AIBU to not go?

YABU - yes, she'll be fine, go on holiday
YANBU - no, be there for her on her last day

I know some people wouldn't entertain going away for a week from their primary aged DC at all - so the question is really aimed at those who would, since the former would consider it BU to go in any circumstances 😊

I think this is a personal decision as you know your child.
By the leavers assembly both of mine were ‘done’ with primary and couldn’t wait to leave. She skipped out of school and wanted to go home.
I did however make sure I was at the events that were bothering her e.g last primary school play and first day of secondary.

Go away and enjoy your trip. Your DH is going to be there anyway.

I found the whole event pointless, although I did attend DS’s last day to see what the fuss was about. It was a short assembly and photo OP with the kids wearing their Leavers Hoodies on the last day and some cake and squash. No disco here, thank god.

The Leavers Hoodies are a complete waste of money too. It’s been hanging in his wardrobe for a couple of years now, unworn since that that day. I’d have much rather the Parents Association used the money to buy school supplies instead.

Parents bought their own leavers hoodies at my DC primary, I wouldn't have been comfortable with the school paying.

This thread has gone a bit nuts. Isn't there a middle ground between "your kid will be devastated and remember your absence forever" "youre a shit mum" and "no wonder kids have anxiety because 1 day is made a bit special for them" or "well MY child is secure in our relationship so they didnt care if I didn't go yours clearly isn't if they'd be a bit miffed if you didn't go"

How about it can just a nice thing to be a part of as a parent? As a mum? That if your DC school do treat it a bit special it's nice to be there if you can to do the last drop off/pick up and see the assembly and the presentations etc. Watch them all piling out excited for what's next but still feeling a bit sad at what's ending?

high school is so different, the transition to "you're on your own now kiddo" is ridiculous, and a bit surprising I think. Last day of primary is the end of being coddled a bit and they go from seeing reminders on the whiteboard to bring their pe kit in on Mondays to "write it in your planner and if you forget its detention"

If its just another day to your kid whoopee doo, but if it's significant to others it doesn't mean they're anxious, or insecure, or dramatic, or the school are wrong for making it a big deal. It IS a big deal. That's a fact. Whether you or your kid sees it as one is up to you.

But I will just throw it out there again that I do think a lot of kids are good at projecting an air of fake coolness. I remember a few times me saying to my DC I might not be able to make their play or assembly or whatever, they'd be all "ah don't worry mum im not bothered, Mr Bloggs said hes recording it anyway" then I'd make it last minute. I'd see them scanning the parents faces looking for mine then when they'd see me at the back I'd get a surprised face, a massive smile and a cheeky wave and at the end they'd run over for a quick hug. My stone cold heart would crack a bit I won't lie.

Exactly kids are good at sussing out what parents want and just agreeing to keep them happy. Sad.

It's interesting how split opinions are on this thread - I guess it shows there's no single 'right' way. For me it's about being there for a significant (at this age) milestone and being a loving presence at a potentially disrupting time. It's not necessarily about picking them up on the last day, but the combination of events that go on around that time as well as being present, whether they outwardly want you or not.

For those saying about not making it into a thing that it isn't - I left primary school nearly 30 years ago when there was nothing made of it whatsoever. But I remember for months beforehand being worried about the change and feeling sad about the process of leaving (even though 90% of my friends were going to the same high school). In the end it was a complete non-event, but I do remember being very emotional about the idea of it, so also want to be there as a reassuring presence as you don't always know what else is going on.

Still torn, but useful to get other perspectives thanks

No I definitely wouldn't go

I agree with your DH. Go.

It's not like DC won't have any parent for their last day. You could also make a big fuss when you get back if you want such as taking DC out for dinner etc.

I wouldn't miss the last day of primary school, because I couldn't bear to miss it myself (thankfully they do the last day on a Saturday always, so parents that work during the week don't have to miss it).
My parents didn't only miss my last day of primary, but they made me miss it too, taking us on holiday before school finished. I'm still a little bit gutted about that all these years later.

Are you the only one in your group with a child at primary?

It doesnt sound like other people's opinions will help tbh op as no one else can know how you or your DC will feel about it. You might not even know how you feel/felt until afterwards, when you'd either regret not going on holiday or regret not being around for the last day.

I think I'd go for whichever one I'd be less likely to regret, and think about worst case scenario for either, which sounds obvious 😬 so would I regret not going on holiday 1 year or cutting it a bit short and discovering it was indeed all a bit of a non-event? Or would I regret more hearing how lovely it all was and only being able to see bits of video etc.?

I think for me its possibly slightly less about DC in your case as at least your DH will be there, and more about how you'd feel afterwards.

But, fwiw, in hindsight seeing how lovely that last day was with the pics montage the teachers did, and being there for their little party afterwards and watching DS hugging his pals and playing a last game of footy together etc...it was so bittersweet......there's no way I'd have missed it if I had a choice.

I think people forget that lockdown has also had an impact on this age group so developmentally (emotionally) some of them are possibly a bit behind as they haven't experienced a lot of the sort of gesturing and posturing that goes on between kids that helps them mature mentally to deal with change.

Sorry if I missed a post but have you found out what happens generally? I mean if your school does just boot them out at 3pm then this is all a bit moot anyway 😬

I am puzzled why parents have to be that involved in all of it?

The only one who could miss the last day of Primary is the child?

Our local schools or parents are the ones organising an after school party, but frankly parents are mainly there to be the taxi. The last thing kids want are the parents sobbing and hugging them, Year 6 are too cool for that at this stage 😂

I dunno, I had a few of DS pals come up giving me hugs saying they'll miss my stupid dog licking them all at the gates and they were hugging other parents and had tears in their eyes etc. Honestly I was surprised I also thought y6 was too cool but apparently not 🥹

It was mainly the girls getting really visibly upset admittedly but I know a lot of them were going to different schools and a few were moving away. I guess that's one thing to think about op, if its likely your kid is going to the samne school as a lot of others then it might not be as emotional for them all. There's about 10 high schools round here so our y6 were all scattered about 😔

The dog is a trump card, you're never too cool for a dog.

You can even pick up a secondary school child when you are bringing his puppy 😂but then, you are not "mum", you are the puppy slave so that's not the same I guess.

No, I wouldn't miss the last day of primary. It's quite an emotional day. Last year mine (who was Y5, so not even a leaver!) came out in tears as did nearly all her friends because they found saying goodbye and all the emotions of the leaver's assembly quite overwhelming. I can only imagine what it will be like this year when she is actually a leaver! It's a special day for them. I can't imagine dh wanting to miss it either.

I'm not precious about time away from dc. I go on at least one holiday without them every year and I prioritise my time away. But I wouldn't miss an important day for a holiday. There are another 364 days in the year to take a holiday. My friends would have to work around me or I'd just not go and take some time on my own at a more convenient time.

I'm also happy to have time away, but I wouldn't miss the last day of primary in case they are upset or need your safe and steady presence to reassure them. Is there any way you could go to part of the holdiay?

I think what really matters is how you feel about it. Your DD will have her dad there. Are you ok with missing it or would you rather be there? There’s no wrong answer to that.

So what do you all do then, turn up for pick up on the last day even if they've been walking themselves foe the last year ?

@AllWeWantToDo normally they will have some event on the last day that parents will be invited to, be it a special assembly, play or party

You say normally but is that just what your school does? My DSs didn't have anything parents were involved in, I was working late when DS2 finished so he went home to my parents and they were fine sorting him out, he was excited about his signed hat and shirt, a bit tired as he is autistic and always finds last day of school year exhausting as the week is full of unstructured days which isn't great for him.

It would have made no difference if I had been away rather than working, he has loving adults able to look after him.

My nephew at a different school had a party organised but no parents invited either.

My DC didn't walk themselves so last pop in to the corner shop to get some sweets for the film, drop off, leavers assembly where they do a presentation type thing with baby pics and first/last day at primary school pics (that none of the parents knew the school had taken) pics from residentials etc, songs from the kids, prayer readings, reading out memories, hoodies given out.

Then pick up - kids come out to music and cheers from teachers, limos booked by parents to drive them about for a bit for a laugh, on to a party at local hall put on by parents with inflatables and games and pizzas etc, loads of pictures and laughs, few tears in between.

Bit of a sentimental moment when it ends and kids saying final byes and swapping numbers etc.

Then mc ds on the way home cos the pizzas were crap.

Then listening to DS chatting with mates on his Xbox saying what a brill day it was and them all promising each other they will meet up ASAP.

So far us not exactly just a pick up 🤣 a really nice end to primary school for them all 🤗

Then like I say on to high school where they will get detentions for not taking a set square in 🙄

Parents/guardians have been invited to some kind of event for leavers at every primary school my son has been at in two countries -- he's only leaving primary himself this year, but has been involved in/aware of older friends' or friends' siblings stuff. At his last school, there was a leavers' service in the church (C of E school), followed by a lunch. At his current school, there's a barbecue for leavers and their parents, organised by the PTA and the parents of the year group below.

We didn't have anything on the last day, the only thing we had was leavers assembly and that was a few days before. The last day they spent playing games and chatting

I don't remember my last day at primary school, couldn't have been that significant for me! Definitely Didn't have parents involved.

She has one parent there anyway, just go have fun!

Well it's really up to you. A lot of working parents are not able to attend school things at all.