Inheritance going to 1 adult sibling

[Gafan]

I just wanted some advice from people who are not close to the situation to get perspective.
I am eldest of 3 siblings in our late 30s/40s .
My parents don't have very much money but have some in the house. Short story dad has a limited illness and mum has decided that she is too old for full time work as has been breadwinner for 20 years and has worked very hard.
Youngest sibling has wife 3 kids and got himself into lots of debt and basically can't get out of it . Unsure of the reason as parents are being coy about it however they have 3 kids under 4. My brother has had some issues with his own business and some mental health around that.
Therefore parents have decided to move in with my brother and family and the money that would have been split 3 ways from house they are giving it all to him to get him out of the debt.
Myself and sister are comfortable sister is very comfortable however I don't have 40k kicking around!!
So my point is are myself and sister in the wrong to be p....d that my parents have done this? Brother has not got in touch either.
My sister doesn't have a very good relationship with parents anyway and this is just the cherry on top of the cake! I think there relationship will be almost over. I am really unhappy because it's going to divide us as a family. I don't trust my brother that he will do it again and then there all screwed and will expect us to bail them out.
Also my dad was very poorly when first diagnosed and both myself and sister financed them with no payback ( didn't want it) brother was only teens so couldn't help.

Any advice would be helpful

My parents aren't here no longer,dad passed away last month. My siblings didn't even bother with getting in touch with me or to help clear the house. But they haven't spoken to dad for many years. I asked dad to make a will,but it was too late. There was no probate and I was the next of kin (I'm the youngest out of 4). I kept every single penny and told them to take me to court. There wasn't alot by the time I spread the money 11 ways so I don't understand why they want it so bad. I looked after him for so many years, therefore it's mine. Sounds selfish but they don't deserve a penny!! I'd ask her to rethink her will. As you don't know what's going to happen in the future. Good luck,I can't stand poncey families.x

Having witnessed someone i know 'take in' their single parent to live with them in similar situation to yours, i would suggest they are not getting a 'good deal' out of this. Trust me its no bed of roses.

The £100k in current climate wont suddenly turn their home into a mansion with a west wing so in reality they are going to be living on top of each other. The burden of accepting the money brings with it huge complications and responsibilities which can rip relationships apart. I hope your parents are talking to solicitors.....

From your perspective, of course its painful to see the possibility of an inheritance disappear, but if your DM is 60 and likely to need to maintain herself for a good 20-30 years you might not be looking at any of that £100k anyhow.

My suggestion is to leave it be and keep yourself on good terms. BUT DO NOT be dragged into any situations where you accept any responsibility for their welfare. This is the route they have decided to take and they must accept the good and the bad, just as you will do.

Then just sit back and enjoy your own life. Theirs will not be some bed of roses, believe me.

Wow legal nightmare, it might be wise to get your parents to take legal advice before doing anything. It would also be good to talk to your parents about how you and your sister feel otherwise resentment will fester and grow

No, he's getting £120,000

I agree, as upsetting as it is - it’s their money

I am one of 5 siblings. If one of them was struggling while we are comfortable this would not concern me. I see myself as an adult and my parents money is for them to do with as they wish. Also hopefully for them to use while they are happily alive and enjoy it. Not for me to benefit upon when they die.

Everyone is different but this wouldn't upset or concern me personally.

This might not turnout too rosey for your brother since IHT will be due on the gift if your parents do not survive 7years from the date gifted so his debt worries might not be past.
Your parents should check that is legally protected. If for instance your brothers marriage breaks down then his spouse would be entitled to some of his assets too.

I love my DC equally, and meet their needs as equally as i can, but that's not the same for all of them. One was funded through Uni, one lived with me rent free when his relationship broke up, another has benefitted from free childcare.

If one of them had MH issues resulting from a failed business (so at least he tried) and three young children, I'd help where I can and expect his siblings to be fine with that tbh. I wouldn't be moving in with them, but if that's the arrangement that works for your parents, I'd say your brother and his wife are.likely to earn their "keep".

How were you able to keep the money?
Why was it spread 11 ways?
what do you mean by poncey
in this context?

dont bail them out

So your parents are going to move on with your brother and sell their own house to fund his debt?

That sounds like a very bad decision for your
parents. Like you said your mum has worked very hard, and may find herself in a horrible situation in the future if she cannot cope living with your brother and 3 young kids! She won’t have her own space & be expected to look after the kids as she’s there and not working. Occasionally that might be fine but you should warn them against throwing all their eggs on one basket and then not having anywhere to go. Trial the living arrangements first and don’t sell the house.

This is an astounding post! Who are you to decide what your siblings deserve?
There are rules regarding intestacy which you've broken wholesale 😳

My parents have cut me out of lives.... Long dysfunctional story. Hell of a lot to my sibling, (who I relectantly have come to conclusion been stoking fire - hell of a lot between 2 but......). It was never my money to expect. TBH I have felt since I was 18 this would happen, so like u comfortable as hell of a lot of planning, don't be bitter, it sounds like he needs it. Focus on the pluses in your life. It is the feeling of rejection that hurts but remember your parents as they were not as they are. BW

Just read your reply. In writing and if UK, power of attorney. It is your parents money to help them in older age. BW

This sounds really dodgy.

The studio that is being built, is it going to be big enough, will it be completely self contained or shared areas in the house - he’s got a few kids so that will be a busy household, and open to arguments and stress. What happens if there is a fall out, or the care requirements become unmanageable for Db and wife, and like others say, what if Db and wife split. Then there is a BIG problem.

If his property is so big, that it can have a separate studio, maybe he should sell up, move to a smaller property and pay off some debt.

There is also the situation of the debt, how much is it going to swallow up, and how can anyone be sure he won’t take more debt out in the future, secure it against the house and then risk losing a house that homes 7/8 people?

Will the money pay off his mortgage? Or will there be additional borrowing as what happens then if his rate goes up? Or the project costs go up.

As others have said, it is also risky from a care perspective. They are potentially risking their own care and future.

There are ways around clearing the debt, he can talk to a debt charity and get a DMP, which generally gives you manageable payments and 0% interest and won’t risk his house - and then he is taking responsibility for his debt rather than risking the rest of his parents future not to mention the hurt he will cause amongst the siblings and their parents.

I also think it’s really sad your parents would consider doing this; and perhaps if you talked to them about your concerns and hurt you feel they might see it from a different angle. It’s possible that they have been sold a dream by your brother that is dressed up as he’s being a selfish toad and they haven’t thought about other angles

Your brother sounds like an unreliable twat and they’d be crazy to sell their security to bail him out and live with him. What if he gambles the house away? Adds more debt and loses the house? What if he divorces and his wife and kids get the house? Or the house has to be sold? Where do they go then? Talk them out if it - it’s not an inheritance issue, it’s just a crazy plan.

Hi All.
My parents have moved in and in process of getting permission for planning the studio place.
They have nothing in writing and so far have paid his pressing bills already.
My mum is really stressed and embarrassed that they have had to move in I think with their child but are doing it for my brother and kids. Interesting my SIL has debt which her parents said they would pay off but not my brother's as they don't like him much. There not hands on parents and don't have a great relationship with there daughter- my SIL. My parents were going to pay off her debt tho.
My mum is basically babysitting while dad is building and trying to get some sort of organisation so conditions are liveable. Brother works during day SIL works late evening so passing ships but now having my mum there my brother is having help but ultimately letting my mum do the hard bit.
It's a very difficult situation I just want them to be happy which I don't think they are as mum cried with me .
I can only offer advice and just pray brother and SIL don't F* it up.

I feel for you OP. Ur brother is highly likely to lose the money he gets from them. I'd definitely warn ur mum incase she loses her home whilstnstill here due to brothers bad money management skills.
People are right, it their money. However everyone knows it should be split three ways evenly. Everyone knows thats the way it should be.
Your brother sounds like the indulged baby of the family.
Hard thing to take.
Talk to your parents, then let them make their mind up and don't let it get u down. Definitely talk to them though so they are aware of your feelings and the implications of that decision.
Then with all the cards on the table, let them make their decision and leavw it there.

I will only remind you, and whole lot of others on MN, that "your inheritance" does not exist until the person you are inheriting it from dies. Up until that moment it is their money/property./whatever. Theirs, to do with as they see fit. I'm not commenting at all on their decision. There's going to be some hard feelings, and I am sorry you are a part of that. But bottom line, so long as they are alive and mentally sound, the money is theirs.

Yes, living this right this second. Guess who is listening to very elderly mother noisily sleep having nursed her through pneumonia. Not the man-child of a brother who is going bankrupt having lived the life of Riley. OP at least you will be able to retain your self respect and know you have been responsible and also generous to your parents.

How big is your brothers house? What happens when the 3 kids all want their own room? Do your parents realise how stressful live may get for them? Do they have a back up plan if it goes wrong? These are things I would be worrying about not how much money your losing out on.

I agree. Is sad, selfish entitlement

Often there is a valid reason for the parents to make that decision.

This sounds really worrying, brother and SIL could just kick them out on the street and they’d have nothing. They at least need to get on the deeds to their home and get a declaration of trust written up.
I know someone this happened to, couple moved in with their dd and her husband parents paid for extension so they had a sort of self contained bed/living/kitchen in their family home (you could access main home from it). Relationship turned sour and dd and husband turned off heating to the extension and became horrid, they ended up having to approach council as homeless and left penniless. It was awful

This is going to be easier said than done but for the time being you should try not to be the shoulder your mum cries on. They have made their decision, the money is gone and you knowing every detail is just going to cause you further resentment and deteriorate all relationships. It hard watching a car crash knowing there’s nothing you can do, but you can choose to be in the car or watching from afar.