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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

339 replies

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 01:47

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

OP posts:
MyUsernameIsCake · 17/10/2023 17:54

🥳 Oh I do hope this works out for you - please update later!

And as others have said, the cheek of her!!! 🤯 Definitely not on the approved babysitting list and definitely no dog-sitting favours for her!

Nonstopbusy · 17/10/2023 17:58

This sounds like my MIL completely unreliable yet wants the glory of being a grandmother!

I wouldn't go and would let my child stay with her, just say not needed now! She will be upset but she has equally upset you. This might not be a grown up way to look at it, but perhaps she will learn this time? As you have said she is already unreliable!

thenovice · 17/10/2023 18:11

Dear MIL,
It was kind of you to offer to have the baby, but as we have had to cancel our trip away now, there is no need for us to leave her with you. Since we have to stay home, we would rather enjoy our time at home with her.

Ilovecleaning · 17/10/2023 18:31

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:16

Stupid thing is no, she really doesn't dislike me! We had a bumpy start because I took some of her darling baby boy's attention from her... but pretty much from the day we got engaged she became so invested in making me part of the family and will even change dates if family events if I can't make them so we can all be there together. It's bizarre but I don't think it's deliberate sabotage tbf

Show quote history

“Took some of her darling baby boy’s attention from her…” Big red flag. What an immature woman. I love my son dearly and I am thrilled that he has found his soul mate and they have 2 gorgeous children. Anyone who resents their own child’s happiness is a selfish twat.

AllyArty · 17/10/2023 18:32

Your mil is an unreliable messer. Don’t do any business with her in future. Paddle your own canoe, your mum sounds great, stick with her and you never know, your mil might see the error of her ways.

Thisisnotlikehim · 17/10/2023 18:32

OP I’m so glad your family have stepped in. Hurrah!! I’m also really glad your DH stood up to her. The bloody cheek to ask you to look after her dog!! CF!!

Enjoy your break!!

Ilovetravelling · 17/10/2023 18:37

She sounds like a nasty jealous person. How could she do that to you knowing it was booked months ago & you & her son were so much looking forward to it. I would not let her have DD anytime soon. Yes go on your own or with a friend. Don't miss out. You will kick yourself l8r if you don't go. Good luck 👍

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 17/10/2023 18:42

inlawsruinmylife · 16/10/2023 02:16

Stupid thing is no, she really doesn't dislike me! We had a bumpy start because I took some of her darling baby boy's attention from her... but pretty much from the day we got engaged she became so invested in making me part of the family and will even change dates if family events if I can't make them so we can all be there together. It's bizarre but I don't think it's deliberate sabotage tbf

Show quote history

She's still fighting to keep you from having her son all to yourself, imo. Those date reorganisations aren't about ensuring you're there; they're to ensure her son is there in case he won't go without you.

I'm glad your DH told her to do one when she turned around and said then she'll have work done on her home early and you could take her dog instead since you're essentially stuck. What a cow!

She would be last on my list going forward and I would ask her for nothing. And not go out of my way to visit her for quite some time. I'm glad you're mum and brother are there for you and trying to sort things so you can still go on your belated honeymoon.

Gingernan · 17/10/2023 19:04

I suspect she agreed to something without thinking it through properly? Have to admit I sometimes agree to this kind of thing when I have a lot going on myself/ am not particularly well but have never let them down, wouldn't dare!

Magicmama92 · 17/10/2023 19:05

I wouldn't send your daughter because I'd be so fuming haha

lloydee1983 · 17/10/2023 19:07

Never rely on people to make you happy, you will always be disappointed. They never have your best interests at heart , wether their unreliable or deliberately trying to wreck your trip. Always get a neutral to look after the dog and kid who will be of course rewarded for their time and you won't get much issues.

Loopylambs · 17/10/2023 19:08

It’s hard work looking after an 11 month old especially for so many days . She’s let you down because of work in the past , how do you expect her to work and provide childcare ? It’s not her fault you were heavily pregnant for honeymoon . Also someone else’s dog for so many days , give her a break . Have some respect for this lady .punish her by not letting her look after your baby and dog , very entitled attitude . Sounds like MIL could do with a weekend break .

Namechangedididittoo · 17/10/2023 19:10

@inlawsruinmylife you Said your brother may be able to stay with the dogs?do you mean your mil dog as well

TinChristmas · 17/10/2023 19:20

Holy crap at your last update!
How cheeky is she to want you to ruin your honeymoon trip for her dog and painting and well done on your DH standing up for you. Also your family sounds great and I hope you have a good holiday.

TinChristmas · 17/10/2023 19:22

Loopylambs · 17/10/2023 19:08

It’s hard work looking after an 11 month old especially for so many days . She’s let you down because of work in the past , how do you expect her to work and provide childcare ? It’s not her fault you were heavily pregnant for honeymoon . Also someone else’s dog for so many days , give her a break . Have some respect for this lady .punish her by not letting her look after your baby and dog , very entitled attitude . Sounds like MIL could do with a weekend break .

@inlawsruinmylife oo another possibility for this poster being your MIL 😂 Poster the MIL insisted on having th child, and then insisted on still having the child when the holiday was ruined when she went back on her offer to have the dog. Sorry, but the whole int rent disagrees with you.

INeedAnotherName · 17/10/2023 19:22

JockTamsonsBairns · 16/10/2023 03:49

He thinks it would be vindictive not to let her have DD, and doesn't want to lower to her level?

That's doublespeak for "I'm not standing up to challenge my mother".

Be careful, Op.

I agree with this. You are going to have a "DP problem " in the future if you are not careful.

EDIT- nvm, I didn't see this update, enjoy your holiday!
He thankfully told her to do one, and made it very clear she'll be below last on the list for future childcare-

PrimalOwl10 · 17/10/2023 19:23

Yabu it's alot to expect her to have an 11 month old baby aswell as a dog on top of that for 4 days. She likely feels overwhelmed. Unfortunately you don't get to celebrate honeymoons or anniversaries when you have such small kids. Where's your mum in this?

Lorralorr · 17/10/2023 19:23

MassageForLife · 16/10/2023 05:10

Tell your husband that you are still going, and that he is welcome to join you if he can sort out something suitable for the dog.

Maybe his mother will change her mind when she hears that you are going and he might not be...

Nooo presumably this is exactly what she wants - to sow discord and drive a wedge. You and DH need to stick together on this!

Lorralorr · 17/10/2023 19:23

MassageForLife · 16/10/2023 05:10

Tell your husband that you are still going, and that he is welcome to join you if he can sort out something suitable for the dog.

Maybe his mother will change her mind when she hears that you are going and he might not be...

Nooo presumably this is exactly what she wants - to sow discord and drive a wedge. You and DH need to stick together on this!

Lorralorr · 17/10/2023 19:25

But yeah can’t you get some friends to take the dog? I would totally look after a friends dog for four days in these circumstances

Nanny0gg · 17/10/2023 19:27

Loopylambs · 17/10/2023 19:08

It’s hard work looking after an 11 month old especially for so many days . She’s let you down because of work in the past , how do you expect her to work and provide childcare ? It’s not her fault you were heavily pregnant for honeymoon . Also someone else’s dog for so many days , give her a break . Have some respect for this lady .punish her by not letting her look after your baby and dog , very entitled attitude . Sounds like MIL could do with a weekend break .

Was she not capable of saying No?

Nanny0gg · 17/10/2023 19:29

DOES NOBODY BOTHER TO READ THE OP'S POSTS/UPDATES??

Baba197 · 17/10/2023 19:34

I wouldn’t let her have dd, tell her as you are no longer going away then it’s not necessary for her to be involved now. Sounds like she’d be full of moaning when you collect her anyway! Feels deliberate to me- maybe she’s not over her jealousy totally and now there’s a baby involved to steal even more of her precious boys time away.

Poodles23 · 17/10/2023 19:40

Totally agree👍

Original poster
inlawsruinmylife · 17/10/2023 19:40

Thank you all for your replies, I'm very grateful that for the most part I'm in the right here!

For those asking/wondering we didn't ask MIL to have the dog, she offered but did ask us to pay for their dog walker to take him on a long walk each day to ease the strain. Happily agreed to that and gave her the money (have yet to have an offer of that money back mind!), and she reiterated to us multiple times (without prompting) that she was still happy with the whole arrangement.

I've been coming up with wild and wacky excuses all day of why me and DD can't make it to the 8 different family events she's planned over Christmas. Suggestions welcome!

OP posts:
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