Inlaws bailing last minute... again!

[inlawsruinmylife]

Supposed to be going away for a long weekend for our first wedding anniversary next week. DD (11 mo) is going to my inlaws. MIL begged us to let them have her, and I reluctantly agreed- she's had her a couple of times for the day and when we've collected her she's done nothing but complain about silly little things. She's also bailed on us last minute a few times for work... I appreciate that can't be helped, and I don't begrudge her for that, but for our first wedding anniversary I really wanted something reliable!

Anyway, she turned around and said she can only do 3 of the 4 days because she booked a trip last week (she's known about us going away for 8 months now). Okay no problem, I organised for my stepdad to pick DD up on the last day and we'd collect her when we got back.
Now she also agreed to have our dog, and turned around today and said "nope not having him, it will upset my dog too much" (a dog she's had for years and has spent plenty of time around ours with no issues). She's left us without enough time to secure a dog sitter we'd be comfortable with so looks like we're going to have to cancel our trip. I'll add this was supposed to be our first trip as a married couple as we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so heavily pregnant.

So no trip and too late to get a refund. I'm quite upset about it but DH still wants to send DD to her for the long weekend anyway. AIBU to say no? Why would I send her down there for no reason and have to deal with the fallout afterwards?

Bubonic plague 😉

How much does she need to repay you for the dog walking money? Your husband needs to be asking for that back ASAP (not that he should have to as she should have already given it back but she seems like a cf).

My sister let us down with babysitting twice, the first time she had a better offer and cancelled an hour before we were going out, gave her the benefit of the doubt but then she did it again, never asked her again not even when we were desperate. Lesson learned. Are you sure she likes you as much as she makes out, I’m slightly suspicious she’s just playing nice to keep her DS on side.

I love all of these, but I think I’d go with the Phoebe one in the first instance.

Well, you now have carte blanche to plan anything you want for Christmas. If there's is an event you're happy to go to you say "yes" and any you don't fancy you just say "thank you but we'll give that one a miss. We'll see you on the Xth"

Tell your Dh to tell his mum she needs to return the money for dog walking asap and to send her his bank details. You'll need it to cover such things at home while you're away.

Your dog needs its nails doing in time for the festive season and the groomer had a cancellation.

I would simply text and ask her to refund you the dog walking cost of £xxx…. Tell her your family have saved the day and the money is needed for dog walkers while you’re away!
As for Christmas invites … I’d simply just say obvious stuff like ‘the dog sitter let us down last minute’….
or just say that you can’t make it and not even justify it with a reason, just say ‘we are pretty busy for all of December, go ahead without us!’

I'm surprised MIL didn't ask to use your reservation when she thought you couldn't go.

Although I also think hubby should tell his mum it’s pretty obvious she was awkward on purpose so you’d have to cancel just so they could get decorating done and have a break themselves! Then just go silent for a few weeks…. She needs to know how unreasonable she’s been! In future when she ‘begs’ to help you out, I’d simply say ‘sorry but we really need someone reliable as this trip means a lot and we don’t want to almost cancel last minute again!

Good that your family have stepped up to offer to have your DD and your dog. I would tell MIL that you have made alternative arrangements and can you have the dog walking money back.

No way would I attend 8 family events after that farce. Just tell her you can't leave the dog and as she won't have it near hers you cannot come.

I've been coming up with wild and wacky excuses all day of why me and DD can't make it to the 8 different family events she's planned over Christmas. Suggestions welcome!

I find it's always cathartic to used people's own excuses right back at them, word for word. So you could say 'Nope, it will upset our dog too much'.

EIGHT family events...? Wow.

Um, ok so firstly - yeah the Phoebe one 😆

But I'd go silent on her after this and see how apologetic she gets. If she really tries... maybe pick the one event you hate the least and go to that one.

The rest? Oh dear, busy. Aren't we popular!

Oh, and next time you owe her money for something, be sure to deduct what she owes you!

And have a lovely weekend away xx

Get your husband to find a dog sitter, let in laws look after child and take a break. Never make an arrangement with MIL again thereafter.

This was done on purpose by your MIL. Some mothers can get very jealous of the sons wives. Thats sounds iky but its true
She’s a bitch. Don’t bother with her again
Leave dog at home with an auto feeder can let the tap drip into a bucket and ask a neighbor to call in once a day to check.
then take baby with you an go on your holiday. That will teach her a lesion

It is deliberate don't think otherwise !! I wouldn't allow her to have your dd and in future I'd point out how she dropped you right in the shit before so no she won't be looking after her at any point ever again and that's her own fault , don't be a spineless pushover what you allow now is what you will have to deal with for the rest of your marriage I'd also tell your dh to grow a pair while your there

That's easy, bail at the last minute because you have booked a trip!

You are expecting your MIL to look after your baby and your dog for 4 days, on her own, while you go away. That is a big ask. Perhaps she does not know how to say no and has to make an excuse when she realised it would be just too much.

I really hope you don’t have a dog. What an awful suggestion.
Maybe if you had read the OP’s comments, you wouldn’t have made such a disgusting suggestion because you’d know it is sorted.

How did you miss that it was MIL who begged to have dd?

It’s literally in the first 3 lines of the OP!

TL;DR : RTFT

@Aussiemade Absolutely disgusting inhuman idea there. How could anyone think of a such an idea ? really hope you dont have any dogs

Excuses- easy-— your dog would be upset, you’re planning on having some decorators in in mid Feb and they might be able to start early, you’ve remembered that you booked a spot with DD to see Santa/ afternoon tea with your mother/ brother to thank them for all her support, you’ve got covid, DD has a temperature, or yes, sorry just realised we have other plans, see you in the new year…

I know you’re spitting bullets about this .. totally understandable but please please don’t do anything or say anything that you could regret at some point ..
life’s too short… Don’t retaliate and don’t go on your own and turn your phone off… keep you’re dignity and don’t become “the villain of the piece “ Go forward with other arrangements but don’t do anything to spite anyone .. believe me life is too short ..: we don’t know what’s around the corner … take the high ground .., punch a pillow …I’ve had to keep my mouth shut about all sorts of things and they didn’t escalate.. and peace resumes .. the only person I hurt when I want to have a pop at people is myself .. good luck I hope you get that break soon without any drama

Exactly this.