To think this child’s crying outbursts are too much?

[ForgotTheBiscuits]

My DS’s friend, 4, has almighty meltdowns whenever he has to do something he doesn’t want.

For example, I collected both my DS and his friend from a party, and as soon as it was time to go, this kid begins crying, not actually tears but just the sounds, lots of sound. He refused to say thank you to the hosts or wish the kid ‘happy birthday’ before we left. It went on for the entire 20 minutes journey home. It bothers me that I can’t attend to my own child at all when this is happening, as dealing with the meltdown takes all my attention.

There is no consoling, I have tried on many different occasions when this happens (it’s very frequent!) to reassure, comfort, give hugs, distractions, humour - nothing works! He just commits to the crying and won’t engage at all, won’t listen or even make eye contact. And it goes on for a very long time!

When this boy is playing and doing what he wants, he’s has pretty good manners and makes eye contact, is affectionate and talkative.

His mum is incredibly gentle and I don’t think he even gets short shrift at any time from her. I would spontaneously combust if my kid did this all the time, it’s bloody annoying to say the least.

I’m good with kids generally, having worked with hundreds of them over the years, and have always been able to find a way to calm a child down somehow, but this kid has me at a loss and drives me insane!!

Is this Highly Sensitive Personality or something else?

What's the point of this post? Really - what do you want here? Sympathy because you have to 'put up with' a very young child whois struggling to self regulate? Congratulations and validation for your charitable act towards somebody who is in poor health? Agreement with your own conclusion as to the cause of the difficulties that this very young child is going through? Or are you just having a general b*tching session behind the back of a person you claim is a friend? No matter which it is, its not a good look hun. By the way, I sincerely hope you don't 'work with' children now.

@Pandajane if you read the ops further responses you will see they have actually got some great advice about how to deal with this situation.
So, the point is support. From other parents who have gone through the same. It's kinda obvious they're just venting and looking for some kind of help.
Maybe you could offer support too. Or else, what's the point on your reply?

My son had an autistic friend who was badly behaved. I hated play dates and frankly discouraged them

What does the friend being autistic have to do with being badly behaved?

No idea if the child is ND or not, there’s not enough info to go off. However I’d read up a little on PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) as PDA techniques may well be helpful in dealing with this child anyway as it seems to be that his triggers are around those aspects. Hopefully it will help, especially as you say his mother tends to be low demand with him too. Good luck

The OP was lucky to have received a wake up call about the way they were behaving @Seaside3 but why did they need advice if they have (self proclaimed) extensive experience of 'working with' children. I notice they changed their tune once a few people pointed out how thoughtless ignorant and unpleasant their post was. I have a right to respond to the OP - if you didn't like my response then scroll on hun.

@Pandajane 'the op had a wake up call'?!
That comes across a tad aggressive and authorative. As in "You must only behave and respond as I see fit, or you are a dreadful person, prostrate yourself in your apologies!!"

It seems that’s@pandajane modus operandi. They come on Mumsnet, usually late at night, and generally seem to add nothing but bitchy comments. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I pay no attention to people who like to have an opinion, but seem to moss the fact that others may have opinions too.

Don’t drive this kid home. And explain why to the parents.

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose sounds like you're embarrassed that I pointed out the fact that you don't have to respond and can scroll on if you don't like a response so you're projecting hun. Just scroll on and ignore me if you don't like what I said or apologise if you want to - makes no difference to me.

'Hun' 😆😆