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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh going to get takeaway pizza when I already made pasta

392 replies

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 18:08

Made pasta an hour ago for all of us, Dd (5) and I ate ours as we sometimes do before Dh gets home from work, I put a dish out for Dh for when he got home.
Im in the kitchen washing up, feeling full
and hear Dh come in, Dd comes running in saying we’re getting takeaway pizza, I say I’ve made dinner and we’ve already eaten though 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd starts crying and shouting how she wants takeaway pizza and daddy says we’re having it. Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner. Dd decides to be cheeky and says we’re getting pizza, Dh agrees with her and she shouts to me that we’re getting pizza.
Aibu to feel completely undermined here?
Its not about the pizza itself…or am I being petty?
Also bearing in mind that we’re trying to save money and I suggested getting a pizza maybe tomorrow night as I’ve made dinner for today and we’ve eaten ours and now feel full?

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:03

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/10/2023 18:49

But OP had planned to have pizza tomorrow night with a night off from cooking and now she won’t get that…

No she hasn’t, she’s only talking about a pizza tomorrow night since DH suggested pizza tonight. It wasn’t always the plan.

QforCucumber · 13/10/2023 19:03

@SecondUsername4me i even do it to myself sometimes - take lunch to work. Someone says they’re going to Greggs, that’s exciting well now I fancy a sausage roll, oh well not the end of the world if they then said they weren’t going to go I’d be disappointed too 😂.
Am I then undermining my own decision to have made my lunch?
I really couldn’t get worked up about it. I’d be more pissed off if he came home with pizza just for himself and didn’t offer it for us all!

Bogartysmack79 · 13/10/2023 19:03

This sounds familiar! If dh is set on takeaway pizza,he can have rhe pasta re heated tommorow evening! Tbh I'd re heat the pizza tommorow for those of you who've eaten pasta alrady

willWillSmithsmith · 13/10/2023 19:03

Its Friday. Chill and let them have pizza. Why are you eating dinner with your five year old instead of your husband? Couldn’t you have just had a light something with your dd and eaten with your dh. If I wanted pizza I’d be annoyed if I had to run it through someone who’s already eaten!

SecondUsername4me · 13/10/2023 19:04

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 18:59

@Inkpotlover No say in it??? He can have all the say in what he wants and cook for once maybe

OP, if you have an issue with the division of labour in your house, then talk to dh about it balancing it out. By all means discuss presenting a united front to dd too. Which means you not undermining him either in front of her.

Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:04

margotrose · 13/10/2023 18:55

So he should have rang ahead and asked, not come home and announced he was getting takeaway when his 5yo had already eaten.

Show quote history

I have a feeling you don’t think OP should have to call up her DH and run it past him if she wants to order pizza for dinner.

Original poster
Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 19:04

@SecondUsername4me He doesn’t need my permission fir anything, but it’s also a case of saving money back for Xmas-(which he goes on about) a meal *Is wasted as there’s tons of pasta and no one will eat that tomorrow as it’s not nice the next day and then tomorrow night I’ll cook again, when we could’ve enjoyed a pizza as we all wouldn’t have eaten

The main issue is the way what I said had no weight and Dd saw that and waded in too, speaking to me like shit. It isn’t actually her fault, it’s Dh’s as he’s done similar before with not being on the same page for *Her sake and I’ve said this

He can have egg on toast tomorrow and make it himself

OP posts:
SoundTheSirens · 13/10/2023 19:05

SecondUsername4me · 13/10/2023 18:58

But what does this achieve? He doesn't need to ask her permission to be allowed to buy a bloody pizza he js a grown man.

Show quote history

It’s not about asking permission, it’s about respecting the fact your partner has already cooked for the whole family, and not putting her in a position where she is now being undermined by a 5 year old being allowed to have a tantrum.

If they shared cooking duties and he said “I CBA to cook tonight, let’s get pizza” then fair enough. But it seems to be the norm that OP cooks, so it shouldn’t be beyond the wit of a grown man to find out first if there’s some food already prepared that might otherwise go to waste - since such an occurrence is hardly unprecedented - and on finding out that there was, suggesting they have the Big Crucial Can’t-Possibly-Enjoy-The-Weekend-Without-Pizza pizza tomorrow evening instead.

Est1990 · 13/10/2023 19:06

What's the dish that you DD likes the least?
That should be tomorrow's dinner and your DH would be the one cooking.🤣

I would never be petty like that🤭

Crabward · 13/10/2023 19:06

Id be a bit miffed that he hadnt text to suggest a takeaway earlier in the day so youd know whether to cook or not

But as ut happened Id have put his pasta to go in the fridge for him to have tomo, then take your slices of pizza and you have them tomo if you're full. And let dd have a slice of pizza with her dad. Not a big issue

margotrose · 13/10/2023 19:07

Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:04

I have a feeling you don’t think OP should have to call up her DH and run it past him if she wants to order pizza for dinner.

Show quote history

She's the one in charge of the dinners - if she wants to get a takeaway instead of cooking again then that's on her.

Her DH doesn't cook, just swans in and plays Disney Dad by taking his daughter out for a pizza, ignoring the fact that she's already eaten a meal, thrown a tantrum and been rude to her mother.

Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:07

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 18:59

@Inkpotlover No say in it??? He can have all the say in what he wants and cook for once maybe

It’s a two way street OP. You can’t regularly cook and eat without him while he’s still at work and then moan that he doesn’t do the cooking! How can he cook when he isn’t even there?
Maybe if you wanted until he was home and ate with him then it would be reasonable to alternate but while you choose to eat early with your DD then it’s obviously on you to cook.

writteninthewater · 13/10/2023 19:08

You undermined him first? He told your DD they were getting pizza and you said no we're not?

The lack of communication would annoy me but I don't think undermining you is the issue here.

Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:08

@margotrose She's the one in charge of the dinners - if she wants to get a takeaway instead of cooking againthen that's on her.

But he isn’t allowed to decide he wants a pizza himself?
She is ‘in charge’ of dinners because they are cooked while the DH is still at work, it doesn’t mean she’s in charge of him entirely 🙄

Abbymom · 13/10/2023 19:10

Stick to your guns--egg on toast is too good for him. Don't cook for either of them again until they both apologize. Hold firm OP!!!

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/10/2023 19:10

Fucking rude.

He knows theres a really good chance OP has already cooked - he could have called ahead, he didn't.

He knows theres a strong chance DD will have already eaten - he could have called ahead and checked, he didn't.

He comes home, and without bothering to open his mouth to his wife, he announces to his small child 'we're getting pizza, lets go'...

Small child, knowing she's already had tea, bounces in to Mum, full of herself and announces she IS having pizza, of course she does, thats exciting and Daddy told her so. Fun!

He could have called and asked, he could have called and said 'stick mine in the fridge I really fancy pizza, would you like some?' he could have come in and waited until the child was busy elsewhere and then spoken to OP...

He did none of those things, which would have taken zero real effort and would have been considerate. But instead he chooses to be a dick, set up a child for either disappointment or disagreement with the other parent, and make his wife feel like her thoughts or efforts don't matter.

I'd not cook for him again!

followmyflow · 13/10/2023 19:10

its not hard to text in the afternoon saying 'id like to order pizza when i get back so no need to cook today.'

gluteustothemaximus · 13/10/2023 19:11

The problem is lack of communication and running it by the 5 year old first. Your DH should have come in and spoken to you 'hi honey, have you eaten yet, I fancy a pizza' discuss etc.

The second problem is how your daughter is speaking to you, and no matter who is in the right or wrong, that behaviour should not get rewarded, no matter what.

If you are trying to save money, takeaways are stupidly expensive. Even more reason to chat to your partner about it.

Regardless of how disappointed your daughter will be, you don't speak to a parent like that and then get to eat lovely pizza. You learn that that's not the way to speak to anyone to get what you want. But judging by this thread, lots of you are happy to let this all pass, 'coz it's Friday', and 'no one policing what I eat' and 'poor DH having to eat pasta'.

Jeez.

Lilithlogic · 13/10/2023 19:13

Pasta is awful if not freshly cooked and reheated.

RedHelenB · 13/10/2023 19:13

writteninthewater · 13/10/2023 19:08

You undermined him first? He told your DD they were getting pizza and you said no we're not?

The lack of communication would annoy me but I don't think undermining you is the issue here.

This.But dd shouldn't be speaking to adults in that way.

willWillSmithsmith · 13/10/2023 19:13

Neriah · 13/10/2023 19:01

Dear God. This is an issue?

For some it seems so. I’m a grown up and if I want pizza I’ll have it! The things people get worked up about. It’s not like OP had pre warned everyone she was doing a cordon bleu five course dinner, it’s pasta. It’s Friday, it’s chill out time and a pizza sounds good. Heck you can even have pizza and pasta together!

sleepyscientist · 13/10/2023 19:15

@RedHelenB she's 5, my 9 year old would have come in chanting pizza pizza pizza if DH mentioned it. I wouldn't get offended if he wants to try and eat two teas the left overs will be dinner tomorrow. Saves him raiding the snack cupboard. FYI DS has had a bowl of pasta and is no eating a pot noodle yet is still skin and bone

BasiliskStare · 13/10/2023 19:16

@Chocolatewarerfalls "The pasta is wasted as no one will be wanting to eat that tomorrow. "

I don't think so . You can heat it up , make it into salad , if your are trying to save money on a food bill , they will eat it or freeze it for next time . this evening might be annoying but don't throw perfectly good food away if it could do a lunch or an early tea. Stick it in the freezer if you have one and room .

ThornInMySide84 · 13/10/2023 19:16

Personally after a long week at work reheated pasta would be literally the last thing I’d want. A grown adult can surely get what they want to eat?

margotrose · 13/10/2023 19:18

Coffeerum · 13/10/2023 19:08

@margotrose She's the one in charge of the dinners - if she wants to get a takeaway instead of cooking againthen that's on her.

But he isn’t allowed to decide he wants a pizza himself?
She is ‘in charge’ of dinners because they are cooked while the DH is still at work, it doesn’t mean she’s in charge of him entirely 🙄

He can get a pizza all he likes - I've said that.

What he shouldn't do is undermine his wife, feed his 5yo daughter two dinners and give in to her tantrums. He could have just ordered his pizza for when she was in bed.