Dh going to get takeaway pizza when I already made pasta

[Chocolatewarerfalls]

Made pasta an hour ago for all of us, Dd (5) and I ate ours as we sometimes do before Dh gets home from work, I put a dish out for Dh for when he got home.
Im in the kitchen washing up, feeling full
and hear Dh come in, Dd comes running in saying we’re getting takeaway pizza, I say I’ve made dinner and we’ve already eaten though 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd starts crying and shouting how she wants takeaway pizza and daddy says we’re having it. Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner. Dd decides to be cheeky and says we’re getting pizza, Dh agrees with her and she shouts to me that we’re getting pizza.
Aibu to feel completely undermined here?
Its not about the pizza itself…or am I being petty?
Also bearing in mind that we’re trying to save money and I suggested getting a pizza maybe tomorrow night as I’ve made dinner for today and we’ve eaten ours and now feel full?

He's put you in a difficult situation - either he orders the pizza and reinforces DD's bad behaviour or he says "no pizza tonight" and you get the blame for that as he had already offered it. I wouldn't make an issue of it in front of DD, but once she's gone to bed have a talk with him and explain the impact of what he's done.

In the future, can he not check in with you about dinner before deciding to order something? He was already in the house, it should have been very easy. (He says he didn't know you'd made dinner, but you say it's a usual occurrence - why wouldn't he at least ask?) Also, it should have been completely possible to say "oops, sorry - it's pasta tonight, not pizza!" and carry on as normal. Since he wouldn't;t have ordered pizza had he known you'd made dinner, it makes perfect sense to defer the pizza to another night. Why didn't he? Don't berate the man for what's done, but make sure he understands why it caused a problem and agrees on how to avoid similar problems going forward.

The pizza tonight will be half the price of tomorrow night though, as you don't want one.

And not eating pasta the next day is madness. Nothing wrong with leftover pasta

@sleepyscientist Chanting ‘Pizza pizza pizza’ is one thing and fine and understandable, but hearing us debating it then mummy saying to her she’s eaten and pizza would be better tomorrow when we’ve not had dinner then Dh then ignoring any of my opinions and taking Dd regardless, made me look as though I had no respect and I clearly didn’t as Dd came in shouting at me ‘We’re *HAVING a pizza!’ Which was bang out of order and I told her so…but then daddy allows her to skip off to get pizza after that?! So wrong

@SecondUsername4me Why will it be half the price 😂he buys a huge one each time and a huge garlic bread and will easily polish the rest of it off

Sounds like they both take turns to go to bed at the same time as dd every night. So uve a feeling the 5yo regularly gets their own way

feel like going up to bed (it’s my bedtime with Dd anyway tonight)

What does this bit mean- do you take it in turns to go to bed at 7/8pm with DD? I can kind of see his point it’s Friday night he wanted a treat and maybe some time with you!

So. OP cooks dinner, DH comes back and says "I don't want that, I want pizza and I want it today!" and gets it. DD sees this. Next dinner time, OP cooks dinner, DD knows what to do... "I want PIZZA!".

DH may be a grown man but he's also a parent with responsibilities. Including showing his DD how to behave - if someone has made you dinner you don't just get to say "but I don't want that!"

I think it was a thoughtless mistake on his part that's unfortunately escalated. But he absolutely should have checked with you about dinner before offering pizza IMO. If DH or I fancy takeaway we suggest it to each other and then to DS to avoid this type of scenario.

I also think that there are various reasonable suggestions...he is OK to have pizza if he wants once DD is in bed....or you could treat yourself tomorrow in return or whatever. But these things are only OK when you're not on a tight budget.

Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner.

If only he could have thought to ask!

Would it be usual for there to be no dinner made?

Op, your husband and daughter would be getting bread and butter for tomorrow's dinner, while you tucked into something delicious.

I wouldn’t be cooking for a while

Since he dismissed your suggestion of pizza tomorrow night then he gets to cook the meal for all tomorrow night.

Perhaps moving forward you and DH do a meal plan for each day so he knows what has been planned/cooked by you. Leave at least one day (on his day off) he gets to choose and cook. If he wants pizza the supermarket premade is perfectly fine and a hell of a lot cheaper than takeout. I know Asda do a smallish one in the chilled section, perfect for little girls.

Edit. You also need a discussion about where he thinks savings should be being made if he thinks "you" should be saving. I put " " in case he really does think you and not him/family.

I'm sure he'd be grown up enough to get a take away if that was the case.

Common sense prevails

I think the thing I would be annoyed about is that my husband had given in to a tantrum. Because what does that teach your daughter? That tantrums work and she can shout at her mother the way she did and still get her way.

Why is there 'tons of pasta' left? You said you'd just left a bowl out for him. I get that after a week's work you might want to kick back with a bit of a treat instead of pasta that had been left sat in a bowl for an hour. And it was a bit of a treat for your dd as well. It was your complete joylessness that caused her to speak like that. You could have all just had a piece of pizza and enjoyed your evening. And unless the leftover pasta was choc full of scallops and prawns or fillet steak it probably cost about 50p to make so hardly a big waste.

Just wondering OP, who is forcing you to provide a meal every night?

@IdealisticCynic Exactly this

I agree with this, I find it incredible that the husband is apparently the underminer when he came home, wanted to order his tea, she says no!

Children will always want a bit of the grown ups takeaway thats normal and later when things are calm clearly there needs to be a discussion about rudeness from the daughter, but he hasnt undermined anything

And as for the post above about him needing to phone ahead and check!! Hes not a child!!

@SecondUsername4me We take it in turns to take her to bed at night, is that weird?? She’s 5, do you just send your kid upstairs with no bath, teeth, stories, cuddles etc?
Do you have children?

It's sounds like you think your dh is another child

Why? There's mountains of pasta left apparently. They can eat that.

OP can eat what she likes.

What a fucking mountain out of a molehill this whole thing is. I couldn't be arsed with the aggro on a Friday night.

I couldn't be bothered to be bothered. Do you really care that much if he fancies a pizza?

Exactly.

I'm hardly a party animal but having food at 5 o'clock with a child on a Friday night is a wee bit sad. Why not feed the child,put her to bed and have something nice with your husband?

@bellac11 I was saying no about my Dd actually and the fact I’d made dinner that will now go in the bin (pasta is vile the next day-in our house at least-dry and awful-no one will eat it)
Also the fact we’re supposedly saving money, so a huge pizza and garlic bread was eaten that he’ll finish off later, so we clearly won’t be getting another takeaway tomorrow night or another day when we could’ve all enjoyed it