Page 13 | Dh going to get takeaway pizza when I already made pasta

Chocolatewarerfalls · 2023-10-13T17:08:01+00:00

Made pasta an hour ago for all of us, Dd (5) and I ate ours as we sometimes do before Dh gets home from work, I put a dish out for Dh for when he got home. Im in the kitchen washing up, feeling full and hear Dh come in, Dd comes running in saying we’re getting takeaway pizza, I say I’ve made dinner and we’ve already eaten though 🤷🏻♀️Dd starts crying and shouting how she wants takeaway pizza and daddy says we’re having it. Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner. Dd decides to be cheeky and says we’re getting pizza, Dh agrees with her and she shouts to me that we’re getting pizza. Aibu to feel completely undermined here? Its not about the pizza itself…or am I being petty? Also bearing in mind that we’re trying to save money and I suggested getting a pizza maybe tomorrow night as I’ve made dinner for today and we’ve eaten ours and now feel full?

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2023 13:52

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 12:45

So as the system works most of the time in your view he is not permitted any agency in what he eats? And can’t decline and chose something else. Have tje one plate of left over pasta another time?

what an awful way to treat folks you live with, if my husband was so controlling I’d end it. 100 percent.

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Of course he's allowed 'agency'

But it's bloody rude to decide you want 'agency' when you know that someone's already gone to the trouble of cooking for you (as she does every bloody night!)

He could have planned it so she knew she could have a break one night (as he never cooks) but no, he had to make sure she wasted her time.

I don't think it's the OP who's controlling here...

And I hope he doesn't bring up that he doesn't want anyone wasting any money anytime soon...

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2023 13:54

CornishGem1975 · 14/10/2023 13:02

Or do you like wasting your time cooking for nothing?

Oh give over. She cooked and are writing her child. He was basically eating the leftovers. No big deal. It's not like she was waiting for them to all sit down for dinner.

Why does it matter when they eat it or whether they have to be together?

It's fine cooking and not eating it till another night if it's that kind of meal.

But many people (inc the OP's family) don't like reheated pasta

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 14/10/2023 13:54

Poor bloke. Sounds like he's the 5 year old in this house. I would never make kids pasta and expect him to not eat what he fancied, its pasta, it cost pennies, just chuck it away. And maybe treat him like an adult if you want to share your life with him. I really feel sorry for people.in these types of drudgery relationships. It must be soul destroying seeing your life flash past on a plastic plate dumped next to the microwave.

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2023 13:57

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 14/10/2023 13:54

Poor bloke. Sounds like he's the 5 year old in this house. I would never make kids pasta and expect him to not eat what he fancied, its pasta, it cost pennies, just chuck it away. And maybe treat him like an adult if you want to share your life with him. I really feel sorry for people.in these types of drudgery relationships. It must be soul destroying seeing your life flash past on a plastic plate dumped next to the microwave.

Of course he can eat what he fancies - if a) he's made suggestions to 'the cook' or b) he does it himself

He did neither

Do you do individual meals for everyone in your house?

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 14:00

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2023 13:57

Of course he can eat what he fancies - if a) he's made suggestions to 'the cook' or b) he does it himself

He did neither

Do you do individual meals for everyone in your house?

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Wow. So your husband has to come home and sit alone, eating his reheated left overs, because you cooked it for him. He’s not allowed to eat anything else instead. This is your demand and you find anything else rude?

That’s horrible.

Lilova · 14/10/2023 14:09

If he wants to eat something else, he could tell the cook so she can make less.. or cook can
ot bother cooking and they can get takeout together. He is inconsiderate to her cooking, just let them know it's really very simple

Lilova · 14/10/2023 14:10

Wow. So your husband has to come home and sit alone, eating his reheated left overs, because you cooked it for him. He’s not allowed to eat anything else instead. This is your demand and you find anything else rude?

Nah, it's just rude but to let her know that she either doesn't need to cook him dinner or she doesn't need to cook anyone dinner because they are getting pizza yay!? That's rude

CarPour · 14/10/2023 14:20

If he wanted pizza he could have just text his wife at say 5pm to say pizza tonight?. He knows OP will likely have cooked for him and he wants to save money.

Sorry I think its rude. He also knows he's leaving his wife out as she's already eaten. I'd be really pissed off if DH did that. Especially as he wound the DD up and allowed her to behave rudely towards her mother

You can eat the pasta for lunch and tomorrow cook a dinner for yourself you like and leave him in charge of himself and your DDs dinner.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 14/10/2023 14:23

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2023 13:57

Of course he can eat what he fancies - if a) he's made suggestions to 'the cook' or b) he does it himself

He did neither

Do you do individual meals for everyone in your house?

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Yes we have what we want or order in. I wouldn't cook a meal for a little kid and expect him to sacrifice eating something nice. He's in his 40s and earns his own money, if he wants a pizza he gets one. So do I. I can't imagine getting offended about it. If it was a really special planned meal, like Christmas Dinner I would think he's a twat but otherwise its not really something that would enter my head.

CornishGem1975 · 14/10/2023 14:25

But @Nanny0gg He was going to have to reheat it anyway.

contactme · 14/10/2023 14:30

a meal Is wasted as there’s tons of pasta and no one will eat that tomorrow as it’s not nice the next day and then tomorrow night I’ll cook again*

you lost me here, sorry. Why make tons of it if you know it’s not going to be eaten? Or why cook again the next day when you know there’s pasta you can have?

LaurieStrode · 14/10/2023 14:34

Chocolatewarerfalls · 13/10/2023 18:17

@CesareBorgia Dd was hungry and asked to have it early, sometimes we do and he doesn’t mind, often he’s late and Dd would be waiting

But why wouldn't you feed her & wait to dine with him?

If you're eating separately, he has a right to choose what he likes.

LaurieStrode · 14/10/2023 14:35

contactme · 14/10/2023 14:30

a meal Is wasted as there’s tons of pasta and no one will eat that tomorrow as it’s not nice the next day and then tomorrow night I’ll cook again*

you lost me here, sorry. Why make tons of it if you know it’s not going to be eaten? Or why cook again the next day when you know there’s pasta you can have?

Edited

Agree. And i eat leftover pasta all the time. What is wrong with it?

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 14:35

CarPour · 14/10/2023 14:20

If he wanted pizza he could have just text his wife at say 5pm to say pizza tonight?. He knows OP will likely have cooked for him and he wants to save money.

Sorry I think its rude. He also knows he's leaving his wife out as she's already eaten. I'd be really pissed off if DH did that. Especially as he wound the DD up and allowed her to behave rudely towards her mother

You can eat the pasta for lunch and tomorrow cook a dinner for yourself you like and leave him in charge of himself and your DDs dinner.

But she wasn’t left out, she states she ate some pizza. And what so magical about 5, he prob didn’t know wjay he wanted then,and she could have texted him and said making pasta so he knew.

He didn’t wind the kid up, or allow her to be rude, the op is silent on what he said about the little girls comment , but as she said she “went nuts at her” I can see full well why he told the child to get her shoes and got the hell out of there and possibly didn’t address. I would have too. The punishment far outweighed the crime. That’s a five year old child she went nuts at.

id be having none of that in my house. Telling me what i can eat and going nuts at my 5 year old for saying “we are going for pizza” . No, I’d not be having that level of control and abuse in my house.

no way.

CarPour · 14/10/2023 15:27

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 14:35

But she wasn’t left out, she states she ate some pizza. And what so magical about 5, he prob didn’t know wjay he wanted then,and she could have texted him and said making pasta so he knew.

He didn’t wind the kid up, or allow her to be rude, the op is silent on what he said about the little girls comment , but as she said she “went nuts at her” I can see full well why he told the child to get her shoes and got the hell out of there and possibly didn’t address. I would have too. The punishment far outweighed the crime. That’s a five year old child she went nuts at.

id be having none of that in my house. Telling me what i can eat and going nuts at my 5 year old for saying “we are going for pizza” . No, I’d not be having that level of control and abuse in my house.

no way.

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Come on, it's not abuse. She's not told him what he can and can't eat but it's perfectly reasonable to be upset if you've cooked dinner, which you do every night alongside planning the food, only for your DH to come home and get pizza once you've already eaten

He could have waited one day to have his pizza with the family.

Cooking is the status quo. If you want to go out for dinner or get a takeaway you message your partner in advance if you know they likely will have started dinner.

At say 5pm is obviously an example, that's what 'at say' means. It's not a magical time. A time prior to when OP would have cooked dinner would be a good idea

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 15:30

CarPour · 14/10/2023 15:27

Come on, it's not abuse. She's not told him what he can and can't eat but it's perfectly reasonable to be upset if you've cooked dinner, which you do every night alongside planning the food, only for your DH to come home and get pizza once you've already eaten

He could have waited one day to have his pizza with the family.

Cooking is the status quo. If you want to go out for dinner or get a takeaway you message your partner in advance if you know they likely will have started dinner.

At say 5pm is obviously an example, that's what 'at say' means. It's not a magical time. A time prior to when OP would have cooked dinner would be a good idea

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Sorry I meant abuse to the little girl by “going nuts “at her for saying we are going for pizza.

if the genders were reversed here and a woman posted that her husband had made dinner and eaten it before she got home, she’d not known about the dinner, an argument had escalated because he wanted her to reheat and eat the left overs alone and not order the pizza she wanted and then went nuts at their little child the responses would be very different indeed.

saveforthat · 14/10/2023 15:35

Pasta is a really boring meal. Meant for weekday nights. I would not eat pasta on a Friday and if you offered me reheated pasta as a Friday night, I would tell you where to go. I don't like pizza very much so I would probably have ordered an Indian.

CarPour · 14/10/2023 15:36

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 15:30

Sorry I meant abuse to the little girl by “going nuts “at her for saying we are going for pizza.

if the genders were reversed here and a woman posted that her husband had made dinner and eaten it before she got home, she’d not known about the dinner, an argument had escalated because he wanted her to reheat and eat the left overs alone and not order the pizza she wanted and then went nuts at their little child the responses would be very different indeed.

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He didn't just get pizza for himself tuough. He got pizza for his Dd too even though she'd already eaten and his wife had said no. That's undermining the OP. How can OP say no to her child if her husband just does whatever the DD wants anyway?

A 5yo should not be having a takeaway on top of a full dinner. That's ridiculous.

If I came home and found my Dd and husband had already eaten, my dinner was ready - a task always done for me by my partner that I never put effort into, and I fancied pizza, I'd get it tomorrow. Its selfish to expect OP to make and plan dinner everyday except for when you want something fancy and then get it without her.

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:41

If I came home and found my Dd and husband had already eaten, my dinner was ready - a task always done for me by my partner that I never put effort into, and I fancied pizza, I'd get it tomorrow. Its selfish to expect OP to make and plan dinner everyday except for when you want something fancy and then get it without her.

I agree, it would feel rude of me to do anything else. But then, I grew up in a home where everyone ate the same thing at mealtimes, no fussing around making separate dinners or having singular takeaways for one person etc.

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 15:42

CarPour · 14/10/2023 15:36

He didn't just get pizza for himself tuough. He got pizza for his Dd too even though she'd already eaten and his wife had said no. That's undermining the OP. How can OP say no to her child if her husband just does whatever the DD wants anyway?

A 5yo should not be having a takeaway on top of a full dinner. That's ridiculous.

If I came home and found my Dd and husband had already eaten, my dinner was ready - a task always done for me by my partner that I never put effort into, and I fancied pizza, I'd get it tomorrow. Its selfish to expect OP to make and plan dinner everyday except for when you want something fancy and then get it without her.

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How is it undermining the op when she herself ate the pizza . Why should she hold her child to higher standards than she herself has? He didn’t get it without her. She ate both her dinner then she ate the pizza.

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:43

she’d not known about the dinner

If genders were reversed I'd say the same thing. She would have known her DH usually cooks dinner for her, why would that night be any different? Say you fancy something else do don't worry about cooking, that's basic consideration to have for someone who cooks for you

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 15:45

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:43

she’d not known about the dinner

If genders were reversed I'd say the same thing. She would have known her DH usually cooks dinner for her, why would that night be any different? Say you fancy something else do don't worry about cooking, that's basic consideration to have for someone who cooks for you

She said she cooked early and ate early tonight, so clearly he didn’t know it was done and dusted and he was expected to sit alone and eat reheated left overs.

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:46

How is it undermining the op when she herself ate the pizza

I'm sure OP would have enjoyed it more if she hadn't already had pasta! I'm sure DH didn't mind that the other two couldn't eat as much as he could though. Very inconsiderate to her weight loss efforts too, would have been better to eat his pasta and have pizza as a family properly the next night, or just have communicated properly like an adult about a change to the normal schedule

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:47

She said she cooked early and ate early tonight, so clearly he didn’t know it was done and dusted and he was expected to sit alone and eat reheated left overs.

Oh poor man having to sit alone once in a while with some leftovers :(

Either way, dinner I'm sure would be already started by the time he got home at the least ! Therefore, it should still have been communicated before arriving home

Janieforever · 14/10/2023 15:48

Lilova · 14/10/2023 15:46

How is it undermining the op when she herself ate the pizza

I'm sure OP would have enjoyed it more if she hadn't already had pasta! I'm sure DH didn't mind that the other two couldn't eat as much as he could though. Very inconsiderate to her weight loss efforts too, would have been better to eat his pasta and have pizza as a family properly the next night, or just have communicated properly like an adult about a change to the normal schedule

Alright, that’s just batshit and I’m not responding any further to you. 😂 she could have enjoyed it more and he’s now responsible for her diet issues?

id get the point if it was a family meal, it wasn’t. She had dinner with her child. He was left a cold plate on the side.