Dh going to get takeaway pizza when I already made pasta

[Chocolatewarerfalls]

Made pasta an hour ago for all of us, Dd (5) and I ate ours as we sometimes do before Dh gets home from work, I put a dish out for Dh for when he got home.
Im in the kitchen washing up, feeling full
and hear Dh come in, Dd comes running in saying we’re getting takeaway pizza, I say I’ve made dinner and we’ve already eaten though 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd starts crying and shouting how she wants takeaway pizza and daddy says we’re having it. Dh says he didn’t know I had made any dinner. Dd decides to be cheeky and says we’re getting pizza, Dh agrees with her and she shouts to me that we’re getting pizza.
Aibu to feel completely undermined here?
Its not about the pizza itself…or am I being petty?
Also bearing in mind that we’re trying to save money and I suggested getting a pizza maybe tomorrow night as I’ve made dinner for today and we’ve eaten ours and now feel full?

@adjacenttoquiteafewspheres Of course…he is a poor guy

@Tourmalines I agree completely and have tried to discuss this so many times, I don’t get anywhere and feel frustrated

The relationships board is elsewhere on the site.

If you want marriage advice try posting there.

If you want to know if you were unreasonable sulking and pouting about a single pizza then you've posted in the right place. YABU.

@adjacenttoquiteafewspheres You seem nice. Thanks. Have a nice weekend.

You can freeze pasta ina plastic tub. Thaw and reheat. He can have that another night.
And if your daughter is sick/ has stomach ache after eating pizza on top of pasta he can do the cleaning up and looking after ( I have memories of ex husband doing similar and telling him to change all the vomited on bedding at 1 am) obvs I hope she’s not made u well by extra food!

Meh. I've always found it character building to have my arse kicked on AIBU.

Others can't handle it.

It is a pain if your partner undermines you so YANBU. I would pick your battles though and this doesn't seem like a hill to die on. If you broach this later with your DH will he take the message on board about it being rude to get takeaway when someone has cooked for you and then to make promises to your DD even though he knows you have reservations?

Are you a SAHM as your set up sounds very much you doing all the cooking, housework etc then the big man comes home and decides he wants takeaway as he has "worked hard and deserves it" 🙄

@adjacenttoquiteafewspheres Ok 😂

@Cornishclio I work part time, so the majority of those things do fall to me
I think it’s just that build up of things, that another one was just the straw that broke the camels back 🙈without the build up, no doubt I wouldn’t have been that arsed about a pizza. I’m tired of the under-minding now, feel like what’s the point 🤷🏻‍♀️Let Dd do whatever she wants

his wife cooks every night he knows this but instead of checking first he walks in and fron of his dd says lets get a pizza which of course she going to want

not hard to ask if theyve eaten yet

The issue is clearly that OP does the cooking, so he would have been expecting OP to have a meal she was going to cook tonight, therefore if he had decided he would like to get pizza together, he should have had the good manners to text and say "oh, you don't need to cook tonight, we can get a pizza when I'm home instead."

Without the text, OP was going to continue to cook whatever. I'm sure OP would have liked to have the pizza instead of the pasta and not had to cook!

OP, feelings are not always reliable.

Nothing that occured this evening is disrespect or undermining

But you have interpreted things that way, so therefore you feel that, so therefore you have decided that ergo, you are disrespected and undermined and therefore not loved

You're on a route out of your marriage if you choose to believe that about the situation you've given

Now of course you shouldnt and dont need to set out your whole relationship here, there may well be other situations where you really were undermined and disrespected, but this isnt one of them

@bellac11 But I was, we were all discussing and I said ‘Oh we’ve already eaten, we’ve had dinner, yours is there too, we could have pizza tomorrow night maybe when we’ve made no dinner and if saves money as dinner is already done tonight’ Dd started screaming that she wanted pizza, Dh said to get her shoes on to get pizza, she then shouted rudely to me that we *Were having pizza

But so what? So what if he decided at the last moment he fancied pizza, why can’t he have it and the pasta get eaten the next day, and she says her and her daughter ate early,

honestly this is just such petty marriage and soul destroying stuff. Clearly there is much more stuff going on in their marriage and I’d urge the op to deal with that, arguing over he has to eat the pasta and isn’t allowed pizza and the child can’t have a slice of pizza, is not a hill anyone should choose to die on.

Your DD is five and cranky after a long week at school. Your DH the same.

You're cranky too.

Pizza helps people to not be cranky, it's all good.

@Janieforever I wasn’t saying he has to eat the pasta, he can do what he wants, just thought it may have made more sense to have the takeaway on a day we could all benefit from it (the next night) as I’d already cooked, we’d eaten and we don’t have money sadly to chuck around at the moment. That was all..but then it escalated and became a battle and Dd was rude and showed no respect for me (not her fault)

I think people are missing the point, it's not the pizza, it's the face that DD threw a strop, shouted at her mother and he supported DD.

OP she 5 she not going to have the utmost respect as she can't. I would pick you battles and a strop over pizza isn't one I would lose sleep over.

If he hadnt, then you will have 'undermined' him (your language not mine)

When two people disagree about a binary matter, (ie it either happens or doesnt happen), one person is going to be the one that gets what they suggested/wanted

You didnt want him to get the pizza. He wanted to get it.

Your daughters attitude can be discussed later. But you cant expect him to be on the page you have set out, if thats what you mean by being frustrated over and over. People disagree about parenting sometimes, you're not always going to be right.

But so what? So what if he decided at the last moment he fancied pizza, why can’t he have it and the pasta get eaten the next day, and she says her and her daughter ate early,

It would have been nicer to have the treat takeaway as a family? He said "they" were getting pizza, so that was the intention, a family pizza. That was ruined because he didn't communicate that OP didn't need to make food. I'd be a bit upset if I'd had pasta and then got surprised with "I thought we could have pizza so I'm getting pizza" especially if trying to lose weight - I'd have binned off the pasta idea and had pizza instead if it had been communicated. The pasta could have been made fresh for the next day.

I hope he at least saves OP some pizza to reheat tomorrow I suppose, while he eats pasta.

Just embrace the pizza. Have a slice or two and enjoy the moment. In a week (even a day) will it really matter? No.
Life’s too short to get your knickers in a twist about a takeaway pizza.

Also yes. Perhaps he could have said during the day “let’s get pizza tonight”
A simple communication to him that that would have been better is enough.

Surely this is the simplest solution? It all sounds like a lot of drama over nothing. I also agree it seems odd for you to eat before your DH arrives home.

Have pizza tomorrow. He obviously felt like it today but tomorrow the craving will likely still be there