Page 15 | WWYD if you found high heels in your husband's car?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 2023-10-13T16:51:24+00:00

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

Passepartoute · 16/10/2023 10:54

T1Dmama · 16/10/2023 00:44

Agree. You should’ve called her and apologised. She’s over reacted by wanting you to not work together, BUT you should’ve cleared it up.

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If one of my DH's colleagues called me to apologise for leaving her shoes in his car when he gave her a lift, I'd think she was batshit. If she did it because she assumed I would think they were having a raging affair, I'd be quite offended.

HaPPineS · 16/10/2023 11:10

It would appear that all has ended well. Whether people agree or not to phone calls being made etc etc is not really the concern. Having open honest communication with your spouse is. This ended up being innocent - although I do think that leaving a bag with your shoes in someone else’s car may be an oversight but it’s really not the done thing. I’d ask the individual to put themselves in the wife’s shoes (no pun intended) and be respectful to the concern - whether founded or not, that it would have caused. To believe that it was an innocent mistake with no bandwidth for misinterpretation, is quite frankly naive, it’s just not fair to the wife involved. Be mindful people !

Bodynegative · 16/10/2023 11:15

What's with the size 9 thing? I'm a size 9 and so are lots of women these days! 😄

MargotBamborough · 16/10/2023 11:20

Bodynegative · 16/10/2023 11:15

What's with the size 9 thing? I'm a size 9 and so are lots of women these days! 😄

I can't see anywhere the OP has said that she is a size 9.

But I think some people are speculating that if the heels happened to be an unusually large size for women's feet, the wife might suspect her husband of cross dressing.

Seems like a bit of a leap, to be fair. But even the assumption that he must be having an affair seems like a bit of a leap given the more obvious explanation for why a pair of women's shoes in a bag might turn up in your husband's car after he drove home from a black tie work event.

Bookworm20 · 16/10/2023 12:22

This thread and the OPs updates feels pretty mean tbh.
So the wife over reacted. It was 5 years ago, and no one knows why she jumped to that conclusion or reacted in that way. But the woman found another womans shoes in her husbands car (shoes belonging to a colleague 20 years younger) and reacted to that. Who knows what was going on with her and her husband for that to be her reaction. Perhaps she had seen OP and her husband together and thought OP (or her husband) was inappropriate or borderline inappropriate previously? Or perhaps she was simply having a time of feeling insecure. But I can honestly say if i'd left shoes in a colleagues car and found out his wife was upset thinking we were having an affair, the very first thing I would do is apologise to her and reassure her that was not the case. Not ridicule her 5 years later and paint her as a paranoid nutjob! I'd be mortified I'd caused his wife this distress and clear it the misunderstanding pronto.

It just seems that OP and other colleagues, 5 years on, are still ridiculing her for it.

Sending a picture of her shoes to the OP (the woman she thought her husband was having an affair with ffs), essentially saying OPs are much better as the wifes shoes are ugly, is just mean.
I bet those same colleagues are smiling to her face and being all nice. But then did that behind her back, basically taking the piss out of her. It all sounds very 2 faced, childish and pathetic.

StarlightLime · 16/10/2023 12:31

Bookworm20 · 16/10/2023 12:22

This thread and the OPs updates feels pretty mean tbh.
So the wife over reacted. It was 5 years ago, and no one knows why she jumped to that conclusion or reacted in that way. But the woman found another womans shoes in her husbands car (shoes belonging to a colleague 20 years younger) and reacted to that. Who knows what was going on with her and her husband for that to be her reaction. Perhaps she had seen OP and her husband together and thought OP (or her husband) was inappropriate or borderline inappropriate previously? Or perhaps she was simply having a time of feeling insecure. But I can honestly say if i'd left shoes in a colleagues car and found out his wife was upset thinking we were having an affair, the very first thing I would do is apologise to her and reassure her that was not the case. Not ridicule her 5 years later and paint her as a paranoid nutjob! I'd be mortified I'd caused his wife this distress and clear it the misunderstanding pronto.

It just seems that OP and other colleagues, 5 years on, are still ridiculing her for it.

Sending a picture of her shoes to the OP (the woman she thought her husband was having an affair with ffs), essentially saying OPs are much better as the wifes shoes are ugly, is just mean.
I bet those same colleagues are smiling to her face and being all nice. But then did that behind her back, basically taking the piss out of her. It all sounds very 2 faced, childish and pathetic.

But none of it was op's fault and she should never have been sucked into it in the first place? Like hell should she have apologised to this woman who'd jumped to conclusions because she had issues with her own husband.
Whatever those issues were; she's shown no dignity in how she chose to react.

Bookworm20 · 16/10/2023 13:27

Like hell should she have apologised to this woman who'd jumped to conclusions because she had issues with her own husband.

Well a simple, 'i'm sorry I forgot my shoes in your dh's car the other night and understand its caused some problems and upset, so just wanted to reassure you from my side.' is hardly fucking difficult and out of your way is it? Takes 2 seconds to clear up what is obviously a huge misunderstanding.

But yes, best to just ignore it, think it none of your business and the woman must be bonkers. What is it like to sail through life with no empathy for anyone else?

Except it was OPs forgetfulness and inadvertent thoughtlessness that caused the whole initial thing, so she she was involved in it! Accidently, but involved none the less. They were her shoes. Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camels back fopr this woman. But something OP did, caused someone else distress.
If you'd left a possession of yours somewhere and found out it had caused some distress to someone else, would you really just go, oh well they must have a problem, fuck em then? And then ridicule them 5 years on for it?

If i'd accidently done something that had upset someone, i'd apologise. Makes no difference if I actually thought them to be complete nuts or not. If my actions caused upset, i'd apologise and try to clear up a misunderstanding. I thought that was the norm, but I guess not. Are we to only apologise for things we do intentionally these days then?

MargotBamborough · 16/10/2023 13:30

Bookworm20 · 16/10/2023 13:27

Like hell should she have apologised to this woman who'd jumped to conclusions because she had issues with her own husband.

Well a simple, 'i'm sorry I forgot my shoes in your dh's car the other night and understand its caused some problems and upset, so just wanted to reassure you from my side.' is hardly fucking difficult and out of your way is it? Takes 2 seconds to clear up what is obviously a huge misunderstanding.

But yes, best to just ignore it, think it none of your business and the woman must be bonkers. What is it like to sail through life with no empathy for anyone else?

Except it was OPs forgetfulness and inadvertent thoughtlessness that caused the whole initial thing, so she she was involved in it! Accidently, but involved none the less. They were her shoes. Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camels back fopr this woman. But something OP did, caused someone else distress.
If you'd left a possession of yours somewhere and found out it had caused some distress to someone else, would you really just go, oh well they must have a problem, fuck em then? And then ridicule them 5 years on for it?

If i'd accidently done something that had upset someone, i'd apologise. Makes no difference if I actually thought them to be complete nuts or not. If my actions caused upset, i'd apologise and try to clear up a misunderstanding. I thought that was the norm, but I guess not. Are we to only apologise for things we do intentionally these days then?

I think I would struggle to apologise to a woman who had taken it upon herself to contact my boss and demand that I didn't work on the same projects as her husband.

changeme4this · 16/10/2023 18:09

Heelenahandbasket · 16/10/2023 10:48

I suppose we wouldn’t dismiss controlling and abusive behavior by men towards women so easily.

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No human of any gender has a right to treat a partner in this manner…

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2023 18:45

blanketnugget · 14/10/2023 09:51

calling the boss to request they don’t work together (arguable unfair but not unknown when dealing with previous cheating)

I guess we just have really different views of what boundaries are appropriate and what aren't.

The previous cheating is between her and her husband. This is also my response to @Rosscameasdoody. You can't just take it out on random younger women.

Imo, you aren't a mother calling the school teacher to request your child doesn't sit with another child.

What you're doing here could slander and professionally jeopardise another woman, based on pure unfounded jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness. As you've said yourself, it's very much an irrational emotional trigger rather than logical certainty.

You shouldn't fuck with another woman's career or perceived professionalism – just because you dislike your own life, and because the poor woman had the bad luck of happening to breathe in the same air as your husband.

Go to therapy or get a divorce or have a family meeting or something instead. Don't try to drag unrelated women down in their careers for no reason other than spite and possessiveness.

Edited

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Agree with all of this.

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2023 19:20

Bookworm20 · 16/10/2023 13:27

Like hell should she have apologised to this woman who'd jumped to conclusions because she had issues with her own husband.

Well a simple, 'i'm sorry I forgot my shoes in your dh's car the other night and understand its caused some problems and upset, so just wanted to reassure you from my side.' is hardly fucking difficult and out of your way is it? Takes 2 seconds to clear up what is obviously a huge misunderstanding.

But yes, best to just ignore it, think it none of your business and the woman must be bonkers. What is it like to sail through life with no empathy for anyone else?

Except it was OPs forgetfulness and inadvertent thoughtlessness that caused the whole initial thing, so she she was involved in it! Accidently, but involved none the less. They were her shoes. Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camels back fopr this woman. But something OP did, caused someone else distress.
If you'd left a possession of yours somewhere and found out it had caused some distress to someone else, would you really just go, oh well they must have a problem, fuck em then? And then ridicule them 5 years on for it?

If i'd accidently done something that had upset someone, i'd apologise. Makes no difference if I actually thought them to be complete nuts or not. If my actions caused upset, i'd apologise and try to clear up a misunderstanding. I thought that was the norm, but I guess not. Are we to only apologise for things we do intentionally these days then?

If she’d spoken to the OP maybe she would have received that reassurance.

Going over her head to her boss, however, is some conniving bullshit that doesn’t inspire empathy.

Milkymilkymama · 16/10/2023 23:20

Wide fit 😁

Devora13 · 19/10/2023 08:39

This lady obviously has some issues. I'd feel sorry for him if he's a decent guy, he's got to live with this scrutiny 24/7 if he's retired now.

Ramalangadingdong · 19/10/2023 12:00

Heelenahandbasket · 16/10/2023 10:43

Sorry - what? Op should call and apologize to a complete stranger who called her boss and tried to damage her career? Are you on glue?

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Are you on glue? Hahahaha!

Glue would be a very mumsnettty drug.

Ramalangadingdong · 19/10/2023 12:04

This thread is so damn funny. It is like a two Ronnie’s sketch (that’s aged me) where people talk at cross purposes to comic effect. Hilarious.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 19/10/2023 13:19

Ramalangadingdong · 19/10/2023 12:04

This thread is so damn funny. It is like a two Ronnie’s sketch (that’s aged me) where people talk at cross purposes to comic effect. Hilarious.

Just as well OP didn't leave four candles in the car!

LolaSmiles · 19/10/2023 13:36

Just as well OP didn't leave four candles in the car!
Why would she leave fork handles in the car?

oopster74 · 20/10/2023 16:14

Why aren't you going as his plus one, who do the heels belong to?

Nursercurser · 21/10/2023 20:17

I'm a size 8! I used to be a size 7 but I have put a lot of weight on and my feet have swelled!

Sayitaintso33 · 24/10/2023 15:10

I'd assume he was cheating but that he was worried the heels could damage the upholstery.

tkwal · 18/05/2024 23:10

1.If whoever owns the shoes took the time to put the shoes into a bag they weren't cast off in the throes of passion

Any chance they are his size ?

Mothership4two · 19/05/2024 00:30

@tkwal they were OP's shoes

NetZeroZealot · 19/05/2024 18:58

Zombie thread @tkwal @Mothership4two

Mothership4two · 19/05/2024 19:06

NetZeroZealot · 19/05/2024 18:58

Zombie thread @tkwal @Mothership4two

Thanks I know. That's how I knew they were OP's shoes.