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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD if you found high heels in your husband's car?

374 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/10/2023 17:51

If your husband told you he was going to a work related black tie ball with colleagues (happens a few times a year) and the following morning you found a pair of ladies high heels in a bag on the ground in the back of his car how would you react/what would you think?

OP posts:
MehtotheChristmasrunup · 14/10/2023 21:31

Good for you rising above it. Would irke me too being accused of something nasty I didn’t do.
Still she has to live with her demons not you.

IncreasinglyGrumpy · 14/10/2023 21:32

My hubby I'd think he was giving lifts home

MissMistyy · 14/10/2023 21:33

This reminds me of something similar when a colleague misplaced his phone on a works Christmas doo. Free bar and they got messy. Asked several of us (male and female) to call it to try and find it before leaving the venue.

By midweek everyone who had called his number had a message from his girlfriend asking who we were and why we were calling "colleagues name" on Friday night because he has a girlfriend and isn't interested.

He was the subject of lots of office jokes from then on. He was mortified.

gotomomo · 14/10/2023 21:35

That's crazy op. Honestly I wouldn't blink, dp has given lifts home as I have done, living in small towns those driving help others out as cabs are in short supply. Dp is currently getting a lift back with a female colleague (business trip)

Greenshed · 14/10/2023 21:41

It all depends on how much you trust and know your husband, doesn’t it?
If he’s one to carry on with others, and you know that, then yes, you’d have good reason to be suspicious; but on the other hand , it’s quite likely that whoever he’d given a lift to had forgotten to take the bag containing the high heels out of the car when he dropped her off at home. It’s really more likely that she’d changed out of the high heels into a more comfy pair as soon as she got in the car and as I say, forgotten to pick the bag with the heels in when she got out.
Ask him, for goodness sake, but not in an accusatory manner (unless he has previous, of course).

Grrrrdarling · 14/10/2023 21:54

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees I’d assume he gave someone a lift.

Nannygoat151 · 14/10/2023 21:57

Or have a lift home to someone who left shoes behind

changeme4this · 14/10/2023 22:01

There are some nutters around who you cannot reason with. I was friends on FB with a male school friend (I’m in my 50’s) haven’t seen him or the others since school but we all got along well and stayed in contact on fb.

anyhow I made a comment on his page, nothing of any great significance, and next thing his wife is plastering social media in our old area with my name asking if anyone knew of me, failing that she intended to delete me from her hubbys page.

She was a couple of years behind us at school and my fb name isn’t my maiden name.

i replied who I was and how I knew her hubby, mutual school friends etc She still had trouble accepting the info but by then, I just felt it better for him if I left his page.

he was a gentle soul at school and I felt rather sorry he ended up with a loonie..

PuddlesPityParty · 14/10/2023 22:06

SparklingLime · 14/10/2023 07:26

Ah, OK. Sorry, @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees, I'd missed that you'd just found that out.

I just felt sorry for her being mocked all this time later - sounds like she had some kind of breakdown.

Show quote history

Sorry but she sounds like the typical mumsnetter, not someone who had a breakdown.

Userwithallthenumbers · 14/10/2023 22:53

Wonder if there is a 5 year old MN thread somewhere that attracted all the 'he's cheating' crowd and drove the wife to call the company. Given the number of baying threads encouraging women to drive to hotels and catch their husbands out etc, it would not surprise me at all if she was a MNer who had been convinced there was no innocent explanation!

RestartingLife · 14/10/2023 23:31

If he was designated driver...

Of course I'd ask questions if I'd found heels in the back of his car BUT I'm also a female who doesn't wear heels often and at the end of a very rare night out with colleagues I do tend to remove them and as result have lost a few pairs 😂

If he was designated driver I wouldn't question it. If he wasn't, I would.

bluegreygreen · 14/10/2023 23:39

Stupidliefromfriend · 14/10/2023 21:23

I'm embarrassed for the idiotic replies here. At least read the OP's posts if you CBA to read the thread.

So much this!

🙄😳

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 15/10/2023 00:12

As many have said above, I’d immediately think he had given a colleague a lift home and she had left her bag in the car, having changed into comfy shoes. And then ask him.

Sureaseggs44 · 15/10/2023 01:47

Mycatshandbag · 13/10/2023 17:53

That he dropped off a female colleague who swapped into comfie shoes and left her heels in the car by mistake.

This is what I would assume

Sureaseggs44 · 15/10/2023 01:50

Oops . Just read the updates . Very strange

DaBibblebot · 15/10/2023 07:54

Fully agree

Loubelle70 · 15/10/2023 08:18

If i was his wife and 'knew' he had a work colleague in his car then id think she just changed into comfy shoes after party...i think the issue is, we dont know how their relationship is , nor how he is with other women, history etc . Its whether hes honest tbf. His wife might have a reasons to doubt him

LookingforMaryPoppins · 15/10/2023 09:08

I would ask him. My assumption would be that he had given a colleague a lift.

joni57 · 15/10/2023 10:37

There are specialist shoe shops but usually very expensive, I just buy ladies high heels a half/one size bigger than men's shoes as men's feet are a bit wider, I am a cross dresser & before you ask it's not a sexual fetish [ it is for some but not as many as the evangelical right wing media tells you ], it's an emotional happy contented feeling, feeling comfortable & at ease & after 10 years 'out' have made many female friends who I believe, feel safe as I am not trying to chat them up, usually talk about dressing make up & how long its takes to get ready!! & when the next live music night is so we can all have a dance!

Loubelle70 · 15/10/2023 10:52

OP is the woman who innocently left her high heels in a male work colleagues car ..and his wife has flipped. Just a quick recap incase anyone missed it.

Qilin · 15/10/2023 11:10

Dd went to a black tie event last week. He also took home his male colleague (planned) and another female colleague (unplanned, she missed her train as the event went on longer than planned)

So I'd have assumed he'd taken a colleague home who had left her bag in the car.
I would just ask him.

I would assume his response, or rather how he responded rather than what he said, would make it more obvious.

But I wouldn't automatically assume negative reasons.

Qilin · 15/10/2023 11:12

2jacqi · 13/10/2023 18:29

I would actually ask why partners were not invited?? that is weird not to invite wives and hubbies etc!

Depends on the event.

Dh goes to 3 or 4 black tie events with work and parters are never invited. The form is too big and the events are too expensive often to invite staff and their partners. No partners attend. They are often local and he's never stayed overnight at one, but regardless - no partners are there.

He worked at a smaller firm when he first qualified and partners did go, often to make up the numbers for a table.

Annemaria · 15/10/2023 11:36

Stay cool, I agree with the above posts: but, be hyper vigilant my husband was having an affair.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 11:50

2jacqi · 13/10/2023 18:29

I would actually ask why partners were not invited?? that is weird not to invite wives and hubbies etc!

It's not weird. My DH goes to a few a year and it's strictly work and no partners.

ScotsBluebell · 15/10/2023 12:58

In Scotland, at weddings and other big functions, men have been known to remove their underpants later in the evening, when the dancing and the kilt wearing get too hot. When they got home after one such event, a friend of ours said to his wife, 'I put my underpants in your black bag.' To which she replied, 'I didn't take a black bag.' They never found out whose bag the offending pants were in - nor what happened after.