AIBU for pulling out of a mutual exchange and refusing to move?

[aibu200101]

Around seven years ago my mum, who was a single parent to three children physical health started declining and became really poorly; at this point there was not a day where she wasn't ill. Due to her being a single parent and her income status she was a social housing tenant but she refused to be ashamed of it whereas most people she knew are also social housing tenant were. She became ill and I stepped up to the plate and gave up a lot of things to care for my mother who sadly passed away in her sleep two years ago.

I informed everyone of her death including her HA and they informed me about successions rights and to apply which I was successful in doing so. A year and a bit after her death my family asked me if I'm interested in downsizing as I don't "really need this house" and I wasn't interested but I felt pressured to join mutual exchange sites as my siblings said they would join some sites on my behalf and felt like I couldn't say no as well.

Which brings us up to what has happened recently.

A few months ago I finally found a three-way mutual exchange which involved a one-bedroom flat which I would be moving into who needed a two bedroom flat, then a two-bedroom flat who would be moving into my house. There was a couple with a son and daughter who said they were desperate to get to my area whereas the one-bedroom flat was half an hour away from me. At first I was okay with this and started the application process but issues started with the couple from the two-bedroom house.

Issues:

The couple kept coming around uninvited on many occasions where I've either been out or been at home but although I'm at home I've still been busy and they've tried to barge their way into my home but I've been firm and remained at the front door. I've spoken to them many times letting them know it's not okay and it's still my property.

There has also been times when they've jumped over my fence to take measurements without even knocking and I've had to keep the door to the garden locked and the windows shut as I've seen them on a few occasions where I've seen them trying to enter through the garden door.

There's many more issues I can mention but I don't want to go into details. The thing is I've had a word with them many times and I've told them what they're doing is not okay and I don't feel comfortable as I'm a young woman in my early 20s and it can be frightening. I finally decided to pull out of the mutual exchange due to me being uncomfortable and I'll be honest frightened too.

My family already knew I was part of a mutual exchange and I made it clear to them I'm staying put and won't be moving. The thing is I read that it can take between ten and twenty years to downsize/upsize and I do want a family of my own so I know I'm being an asshole now as I currently have two empty bedrooms but I'm paying the whole rent by myself without benefits, my house is fully decorated and I keep up with the tidying and I pay all my bills on time. However, like I said I want a family of my own and seeing the fact it's ten to twenty years waiting time helped with my decision to stay.

So, AIBU for refusing to move and pulling out of a mutual exchange?

Don't give into pressure to downsize from your family it's nothing to do with them
As for those CF's invading your property
I would inform your HA
They won't look kindly on their behaviour
Pull out now and don't feel guilty

Please don't pretend social housing is subsidised. This is a myth and, as someone pointed out on another thread, a form of hate speech directed against people who are actually in more ethical housing and paying more, proportionally, into the system than homeowners.

I also agree, you are being unreasonable. I am severely disabled due to successfully recovering from gangrene in my leg ( I was extremely lucky to not have my leg amputated from the groin) I am stuck in a 3rd floor flat and I have hardly any muscle mass in my left leg and it's numb from knee down. I have been in band 1 for 11 months. ( I was disabled before I was taken ill) I have only just been approved for a managed move now.
I need an adapted property and people like yourself are taking up properties that people need! You don't need a 3 bed when they are very very hard for families to get the same with people living in adapted properties that don't NEED them!!

I always think it's wise after a bereavement to wait and give yourself time to grieve and to find your bearings again.

This is the home you grew up in and where you nursed your dying mum, the home where she brought up three children alone. It's a home, not a commodity, and it's natural you want to give it, if you decide to give it, to people you can trust to respect it and treat it as a home also.

Don't let anyone or any external pressure get in the way of your own process, allow yourself time to stay if you want to, or wait until a home you really want to move to becomes available.

Not forgetting you might want your own family one day and would then need at least two bedrooms, so swapping to a two bed might be better for you anyhow.

@JamieJ93

Rubbish!!

Where do you suggest she goes then??

She's has tried downsizing, the system doesn't work

Forcing others out of their homes isn't the way to go about it. It's not the OP's responsibility to pay compensation for council housing having been sold off, or to sacrifice her needs because private landlords aren't given rent caps.

Don’t let people in real life or on this thread bully you out of your home.

Blaming the op for your lack of housing is ridiculous.

I was pointing out that she doesn't "need" a 3 bed property when there are families in that do "need" a 3 bed.
I was not referring where she should go, I was putting my opinion across.
It's a need for social housing not a want.

I wouldn't blame you as an Individual for grabbing the opportunity but the HA shouldn't allow this. You should have joined the queue like everyone else.

Despicable that it's allowed.

YANBU- stay put .

Shouldn't allow what?

Honestly I'd stay put. I give generously to charity but I don't put other people's needs ahead of my own - except for my husband and children. I might assume your siblings have taken in homeless people to do their bit for the housing crisis before they have ganged up on you. I bet they haven't. It's very easy for your siblings to want you to make the sacrifice, isn't it. It sounds like you stayed and nursed your mum till her death and gave up a lot to do that and I bet your siblings weren't doing much of it either and now they want you to give up your place. Frankly they sound like appalling bullies and so do the prospective new people. I'd bet your neighbours would like you to stay put before this awful frightening lot move in too.

Your family sound jealous and the swappers are idiots whose actions have just cost them their new home!
Stand your ground on this one and enjoy your home. I’m sorry about your mum.

Man this threads always make me laugh. Always get the low wattage lightbulbs who insist SH is subsidised.

Everyone NEEDS a home. It's weird to categorise need.

Same thread rinse and repeat

OP you've been told before. Tell your family to fuck off. Seriously

Do not move out of your home OP, pull out of the mutual exchange.
Are your family who are putting pressure on you to going to help you when you do have your own family and need a bigger place? No, of course not.
I can't understand at all why they are asking you to do this, do they have their own homes? Are they annoyed that you have your home?

I think staying in the three bed house is wrong. Would I do the same in your situation, yes!

The system needs to change.

Stay where you are.

Your family and the pushy family would not give you a second thought if the situation were reversed.

Please don't swap, yes you have more space than you need NOW but you're quite rightly thinking forward towards your future, I'm not sure what the hosuing situation is like over there but here it's beyond grim & chances are you won't get a suitable swap again in the future should you need it.

Yes it's awful for people waiting for suitable accommodation but that's the government/L.A. to fix not you, besides all of this those people are CFs so even if everything else was fine it would put me right off & your family can wind their necks in too

also sorry for your loss

Are your family jealous OP, or just very judgemental? I would definitely stay put in your shoes, especially if you're hoping to have a family.

As for those that say you're being selfish by staying on and taking up a bigger home than you need, I would say for the main part that it's sheer jealousy! I wonder how many of them would give up a house that they were used to living in, simply because it suddenly became a bit bigger than they needed?

I would 100% stay in your situation. It’s not your fault the entire social housing situation is a state and why should you suffer in future when you have a nice home now.

That said I do believe social housing should be more widely available and reviewed on a yearly basis. There should be more movement based on need (eg downsizing when no longer needing the space, a bigger place when needed etc). Although annoying they should be the trade off for much cheaper housing.

Nope. Stay in your home. You'll regret it when you have kids and are trapped in an overcrowded property with no-one willing to swap. Ignore your family and tell them the matter is dropped.

Make it clear to the cheeky fuckers you aren't swapping anymore due to their behaviour. Any hassle from them, don't hesitate to inform the housing association and police

Agreed, it the sparkly eye of the green eyed monster is glinting to me too.

OP, I have a 3 bed house and currently sleep in the lounge as I choose to give all 3 sons their personal space. Once they have all left home I will not be handing my house back to the LA.

Simple.

Don't feel guilty, it is your home.

It is your Home, stay where you are. You will never get another 3 bed.

Succession rights.

It is not for your family to impose their ropey "morals" on you. I think there has got to be more going on - either they are jealous of the space you have (even though that came to you through terrible circumstances at such a young age) or they are concerned for your welfare.

If you are confident you can afford it long term and that is where you want to stay then keep your home.