AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

[Xandria22]

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

Ya think.

They are, aren't they... 😂

I just wouldn't want to pay for a party for 250 people. There's no way on earth they can all be people you actually care about.

But if you have a rich godfather who takes pleasure in paying for the whole thing, why not, I guess.

You say she’s your oldest friend but you aren’t even invited to the ceremony, I wouldn’t bother going at all. Your message is perfectly reasonable and I think you are massively going out of your way already to leave two kids behind and take your husband on the hen.

I agree with you. It totally smacks of showing off.

I think some of these posters could use a little maturity.

After over 25 years of marriage we still see many of those friends and family regularly. Nothing better than a big family get together.

After over 33 years, a scarey amount of our guests and service providers are dead!

I'm on page 29 of 34 pages and I'm losing the will to live trying to read all the comments so I've skipped the other pages to make this comment lol

Bride wants a child free day, I don't know how that makes her a bride zila. It wasn't nice of her not to reply but moan to another friend about it. Maybe she's had others ask the same question and it's got to her.

Bride is op's oldest friend, that doesn't mean best friend. Best friends would be invited to the full wedding not just the evening.

I personally do not agree with child free weddings especially if it's family kids and not everyone is entitled to bring kids even if it isn't child free. You invite your good neighbour to your wedding or work colleague, that doesn't mean the kids are invited. If you can't attend an event for whatever reason then you just don't go. A Bride is not responsible for your childminding situation.

Just to add, I don't know why Bampton.... is so obsessed with this wedding and Bride, seems like she wants the wedding to fail.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
In my opinion, ‘babes in arms’ that are breastfed are absolutely allowed at weddings where it’s ‘no children’.

From 6months onwards when majority of babies should be on solids, I think it’s reasonable to expect parents to leave baby with a trusted sitter at home or at the hotel.

Pre 6months, all they do is sleep and eat.

If someone is genuinely ‘banning you’
because you are a breastfeeding mother of a pre-6month old baby, they are not your friend and need to get over themselves.

I had a ‘child free wedding’ , only my nieces and nephews were there(6 of them) and any friends who had babies under 6 month old were invited to bring them and I provided a breast feeding/changing room for them as well.

Sending love, you’re amazing, your mate sounds like a d*ck.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your request. You're essentially saying you would love to come but unfortunately, it would not be possible without the baby and your friend could have just replied with a no. The many points around "how" the message was framed is only a matter of perception in my opinion. We all have different ways and preferences about how we would prefer people frame written messages which everyone usually has their own interpretation/styles. We should be more flexible and open minded about messages which perhaps may not really have intended to come across how they seem and cut people some slack.

Thank you for such a reasoned response!!

It is absolutely not a reasoned response. It is her list of justifications for what she deemed reasonable for her wedding - nothing to do with the bride of this particular wedding's plans for her day.

It doesn't matter if in a random poster's opinion, breast-fed babies are "absolutely welcome" - for this wedding they are clearly not.

Agree with @greenhydrangea

thats a list of reasons PP had babies at their wedding which is great, but you can’t speak for anyone else.

we had a totally child free wedding for our own reasons. Doesn’t make us dicks. A few people did have to turn down the invite, which was a shame but they were understanding and we are still friends.

some people need to grow up and stop taking things so personally… someone else’s wedding day is not about you

why would ypu not be happy Bout the hen do? I hD to do this with a couple of hen do I went to when my boy was young, it affected noone. The hen do is at a hotel she's just popping to the room once every couple of hours to feed, even if she didn't bring the baby she'd have to do that to go pump.

I have two kids and think childfree women are geniuses.
i definitely felt like a chump with my 5am wake up call today 😂

@Treesinmygarden
@MargotBamborough

you both sound jealous tbh

Of what?

YABU. No children means no children. If she accepts 1 baby, she could end up with 5 or 6 babies ruining the vibe she obviously wants. You have the option to not attend if unhappy with the options.

@MargotBamborough

of people being able to have the wedding that they want, to have the guts to go against tradition and others expectations, for enjoying the delights of a child free wedding!!

Yep, nailed it 😂

I had the wedding I wanted and didn't fall out with any friends or family in the process, so why would I be jealous?

You sound ridiculously immature.

@Treesinmygarden

how so?

I made the mistake of not taking my 3 month old breast fed baby to a wedding. There were a couple of babies there so it would have been ok. Tell your friend you will be bringing the baby.

You don’t tell the bride you’re bringing your baby - it’s not your decision to make. You ask the bride and groom and accept gracefully if they tell you ‘sorry but we’re having a child/baby free wedding’.