AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

[Xandria22]

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

I don't think there's anything wrong with either approach but if you want a child free wedding you really have to own it and not be upset if some of your nearest and dearest can't make it.

@MargotBamborough That's a good way of putting it. The OP has handled this well and both she/the bride understand the compromise.

The bride doesn't sound remotely upset that op can't make it 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Candlelane Exactly, she clearly realizes that several families may have to decline and is being logical about it. It sounds as if some of her guests are making a fuss, but it’s her wedding!

No but it is being a bit picky IMO @LuckySantangelo35. To us 25 years ago a "proper" wedding was a traditional one. Where I grew up 'proper' ___ was a common catch all phrase meaning to do something in a certain way. May be a cultural and generational difference in meaning to me than to you?

And as I said upthread I wasn't intending to cause offense.

Been to a lovely child-free wedding and wished nothing but happiness for those family members and friends that decided to have a solo wedding.

What an incredible waste of money.

🤣🤣🤣
Why would you pick apart someone's wedding day in such a rude manner?
It sounds fabulous.

It sounds pretentious.

Why on earth would you say that? It sounds elegant and enjoyable.

But if there were kids there it would be proper?

250 people though.

We had less than half that number and there were still a couple of people I didn't manage to speak to.

Pretentious? Not classy? Depends what you're used to, I suppose.
Anything very classy frightens some people off, if they're not used to it.

Of course it wasn’t.
It was an amazing day for DH and I and our guests. It’s over 25 years ago now and the marriage is still going strong so not a penny was wasted on the celebration. Btw - it’s wasn’t our money - my very generous godfather paid and was incredibly proud of contributing to such a special occasion.

What’s pretentious about having the wedding we wanted? We enjoyed it and our guests enjoyed it.

I think it sounds elegant and really special - I’d love an opportunity to attend something like that (whereas having been to several weddings that felt like kids parties, I’d happily find an excuse for another of those).

Don't be so ridiculous and snidey.

It is my view that spending thousands on a wedding is a complete waste of money, no matter how much of it you have. Nothing to do with "classy" or being "frightened" - how utterly bloody stupid. All a bit Posh and Becks, show-off celebs or landed gentry. Still think it's crazy to spend so much on one day, and nobody is going to change my view on that.

Did you talk to them all?

Did you actually know them all?

So?

My hair stylist is from a culture where there can easily be 600-800 people invited to weddings, and she had 22 bridal attendants. Not my cup of tea, but I wouldn't disparage it.

Yes we spoke to everyone. Why would we have invited anyone we didn’t know?
Both of our (large) families don’t live in the uk so flew in from Canada, Belgium and France. Many of the guests were family and friends from growing up - school and Uni friends as well as the friends we made in the uk.
Don’t know why you think we’re unusual in talking to all our guests - they are people we like spending time with.

Because I had half that number, including a handful of people I'd never seen before and have never seen since (plus ones) and I tried really hard to get round everyone but just didn't manage it.

Ridiculous and snidey... From the one who denounced someone else's wedding as both pretentious and a waste of money.
You have no clue.

I'm sat here in my office, just about to go on call for the night and thoroughly enjoying this thread and @MargotBamborough increasing desperation and fictional situations when both the OP and her friend have sorted out the slight miscommunication and are probably absolutely fine.

Carry on. It's gojng to be a long night here and not worth the drive home....so need the entertainment 😁

Oh and now we're into classy improper weddings. Awesome.

We're also going for the black tie, nice hotel, jazz band vibe. I'm actually considering a Gatsby theme now 🤔

No kids though.

Nice things are wasted on some people…

@Treesinmygarden

What I’ve gathered from this thread is that there are some people are 1, overly fucking invested in other people’s weddings, and 2, under the illusion that anyone is required to give a shit as to whether they approve or not.

@MargotBamborough

well thems the brakes innit! You couldn’t manage it but @Parker231 could 🤷‍♀️