To be sad about lack of attention as I age?

[DogDaysArentOver]

Hi,

I think this is probably quite a 'normal' feeling, but I do kind of judge myself for caring so much.

I'm 40 next year, so a bit of a milestone, but I know I'm not old. However, I used to get quite a lot of attention, which tbh I didn't always like. In fact, most of the time it would make me feel uncomfortable, but there's a difference between being leered at, wolf whistled etc and just that second or third glance.

That's what I miss. Just that simple look of interest. It happens very occasionally now and once again, I judge myself for the little boost it gives me. It doesn't even have to be someone I find attractive. It's just nice to be noticed and not feel invisible!

Why do I pin so much on this? I'm married. I'm settled and not looking for anyone else, so why do I crave that little acknowledgement that I'm still an attractive and desirable woman. I mean, I think I look alright and dare I say, good for my age, but as soon as I stopped looking really young and full of collagen, I basically turned into a ghost.

So, aibu by caring so much? Does anyone relate?...

I don’t think this is just to do with your looks, OP. It’s also a change in social mores- 20 years ago men were more likely to check a woman out openly. Now that’s seen as a pretty creepy thing to do and so the only men who do it much are the creeps. A man not checking you out doesn’t mean he doesn’t fancy you, nor that he does. He may think you’re stunning, he may not even have noticed you. Who cares, go about your life.

As a gay woman I HATED the male gaze, especially in my late teens/early 20s, when I still wasn't 100% comfortable with my sexuality, and therefore wasn't 100% 'out'. When I finally did become comfortable it was as if a switch was flicked overnight. And the male attention just got less and less, until it finally (happily) stopped. I'm sure there are a number of reasons for it, but I know that a large part of it was because I just did.not.care. I did not want men looking at me in that way, and my gay-ness became like this invisible shield that just stopped the male gaze dead in its tracks. 😂 (I'm sure my replies of "eww" to any unwelcomed creepy comments also helped. 🙈)
I am aware of how absolutely bonkers this sounds now I've written it out, but it's true!
I'm now happily married to my beautiful wife, and her compliments are all the encouragement I need - we all like to feel attractive/wanted by at least one person, don't we? Apart from the times I ask her if I look nice, and she says, "Yes, you look fine". FINE?! That is not a compliment and it drives me mad! Just tell me I look like shite, why don't you. 😂🙈

I'm sure my replies of "eww" to any unwelcomed creepy comments also helped. 🙈

😂😂😂

Oh god. I get this when I pick my dad and my uncles up from the golf course. Their mates are straight out of a 1970s sitcom.

What’s wrong with that? Sounds like the poster is just being honest, don’t think she needs to pretend she’s unattractive. It is what the thread is about after all.

Younger women, usually.