To think life would be better without Christmas

[MyDogsPaws]

I really hate Christmas, I know I’m probably in the minority but it’s October and I’m already worried and stressed about it and I suspect I’m not alone!

If it was just a case of putting a tree and a few lights up and having your family round for dinner in the 25th I would absolutely love it, I’d start thinking about it in December and look forward to having a nice day with my family. Unfortunately it’s not like this, there is fucking Santa and all that entails, school Xmas shows and needing to get time off work for it all, the cost of everything and being skint for the entire winter because i have to spend every penny I earn on presents or visiting Santas ducking grotto, or buying outfits for Xmas parties, and all the rest of it.

Yes I could just tell my kids there’s no such thing as Santa and all they’re getting is an orange and a book this year but that’s not going to stop them feeling left out when everyone else in primary school got a iphone 15 or whatever.

I really believe that Xmas makes life less enjoyable, not more and I’d quite happy ban it it, tinsel and all, for the rest of eternity, AIBU?

I don't hear my Jewish friends saying "I hate Chanukah", or my Muslim friends saying "bloody Eid, all that cooking so late" or Hindus with Diwali. Those who are devout Christian seem to have a good time too. My best friend who is a pagan has a chilled time too. I wonder if it's a Faith issue/lack of faith issue or is it an issue for those who want to worship the market economy?

I hate christmas. All the focus on families being together supposedly having a wonderful time which makes you feel forgotten and worthless if thats not what happens for you. Pressure to buy presents people can’t afford.
I never had a happy Christmas as a child after my mum died when I was 6 so I can’t actually remember one.
After that it was years of horror and abuse until I could get away as soon as I was old enough to leave.
As an adult christmas was ok in my first marriage, he had lovely friends and family so I loved being part of that.
Second marriage soon became a time of stress as a stepmum. Not a role I was ever comfortable with although I tried my very best.
Now always on my own, just me and my cat.

Christmas is has hard or easy as you make it. We have around 20 people for dinner and friends and family dropping in on the day. We share the load so that no one person ends up doing it alone, and we all contribute to the cost.

I start buying presents and stocking fillers over the course of the year when things are on promotion or in the sales. The kids give me their Christmas lists in September - no list, you get cash - and I start buying their main presents then, one a month in September, October and November.

I start stocking the freezer in October , again spreading the cost.

On the day itself, we eat, drink, watch movies, drink, play games, drink and snooze!

I love Christmas but YANBU, we have never gone nuts with the cost of presents at all (if a ‘bigger’ present is needed then that’s a birthday thing) but I am fed up of being broke particularly this year. The school has gone crazy on the fundraising and I’m sick of it.

I don't think life would be better without Christmas, but it would definitely be better without the way Christmas seems to have evolved.
If it was just confined to December, with less focus on big expensive presents it would be so much better.
For some people Christmas can be a very lonely or sad time. It must be even harder when they're bombarded with it from September on, constantly reminded that they have no one to spend it with, or that a loved one is no longer there with them, or that they can't afford all the things their children's friends will get.
I also find a lot of the threads on here around Christmas time very depressing. No willingness to invite a lonely relative to share the day; a very begrudging attitude to spending the day with parents or grandparents; and a general closing the door to everyone except 'my own little unit' attitude.

Very smug post, showing very little awareness of the difficulties some people face around Christmas time.

You know you don't have to do all those things?

But some people do have the Xmas you describe you’d love.. they choose not to be sucked into all of the extravagance.

Yanbu!
My dd hates Christmas because she saw my ex attacking me after he got drunk.
It's a horrible time of year for us and it starts in September.
Not everyone enjoys it 😐

In what way? How is my post any different to any of the others who have said the same thing?

Where do you live OP?

I only ask because where I am, there are a lot of free/very affordable Christmas things that go on. There's a chap that has a roadworthy sleigh and mechanical reindeer that lift up, like magic. He dresses as Santa and a couple of nights in December he tours around the streets blasting Christmas music and then stops in a designated place. Kids can have a cuddle and pic for free, or collect a small gift for a few quid. All the proceeds go to local charities and its honestly so lovely.

I caved and made a FB account when DD was a baby and follow local businesses, soft play, Families First page etc, amd just take a couple of minutes a day looking at what is available

We're doing breakfast with Santa, but it's only about 12 quid and adults are free if not eating. Same with Christmas railway, but we are 10 minutes from the seaside and this train runs anyway, so it's fairly inexpensive for the experience

I think maybe location is key and we do live in one of the most impoverished parts of England, so I'm guessing we pay a fraction of what you would for similar experiences down South

I do the Elf too, but honestly it was like 3 quid, it'll last bloody years, then get donated and it take maybe 5 mins to scroll Pinterest to get an idea and I only do ones that I already have the stuff to do

I will say though, I only have 1 child and know this magic will only last a few years, so maybe that colours my view

I don't generally have a strong opinion on xmas one way or the other. I'm an atheist, we're certainly not loaded, but mine is still young enough that Vinted presents are absolutely amazing to her, we're a long way off from expensive gadgets!

Ultimately I'll cringe when DH pulls the bloody Perry Como record out amd I know I'll have a few late nights organising stuff, but it doesn't overly stress me

And I will be working the Christmas night shift too, but drinking has never bothered me and DD will be going to bed as I go, so I'm not too fussed

But, please don't make yourself genuinely unhappy doing this stuff, because that will bleed down to your kids, they tend to be intuitive little things

It was your first sentence. Christmas is NOT simply as hard or easy as you make it. For many people it is a time when they feel their lack of family acutely, or the death of a child, parent or partner. For people living on the breadline it is not as simple as just spreading the cost out. For someone with a terminally ill family member it is the last Christmas they will every spend together. For people who had difficult home lives growing up, Christmas can remain a time with uncomfortable associations. Some people have no control over how Christmas is going to make them feel, and people need to be sensitive to that.
This is also why it annoys me when people say 'what difference does it make to anyone else if I put all my decorations up in early November' or 'just ignore all the signs of Christmas if you don't like it'. Some people just live in a bubble.

Completely agree with you

A midwinter festival of light would be fun, but it's become utterly depressing.

I've been on the breadline and I'm acutely aware of the loss of family members over the Christmas period, having lost a sibling and my husband. I can actively let my grief subsume me, or I can continue to live for my children.

Like others, my post was in relation to the OP who doesn't actively need to do or buy in to half of the things she listed, not the general population.

You are quite right, OP. If Christmas was just what it should be (for those with faith), ie a religious celebration of the birth of Christ, then it would be fine.
But all the nonsense of excessive spending, parties, tacky decorations and sheer stress is just bonkers. Already there are loads of threads on here about family difficulties. The whole thing is best ignored.
My favourite ever Christmas Day was probably spent in Marrakesh, a Muslim country - Xmas totally not a thing & it was fab.

Someone on here said that the reason it's such a big deal is because we don't really have any other festivals to mark the seasons passing. I know there is Easter and Halloween but I thought it was an insightful comment.

Just pretend you enjoy it like the majority of us.

I agree, we now go to the Canaries for Christmas. Takes all the stress out of it and weather is nice. I had tapas for Christmas dinner last year cooked in a restaurant and it didn’t cost a fortune like Christmas dinner does here. It’s our main family holiday with kids and parents, so I look forward to it but in a different way to being at home.

If you haven’t tried it, do it. We don’t stay in hotels, usually Airbnb it and get own flights etc. Also means I can’t take loads of presents, what a shame 🤣

Fuck yes. Can’t stand it. The fuckers at work have been talking about it since about July. 😡

I'm sorry to hear that. But many people on this thread have outlined the difficulties they experience at Christmas time, so it really isn't true that Christmas is as hard or easy as you make it. Obviously, in relation to material issues, you can try and avoid some of the crasser parts of Christmas if it's not your thing. But other areas are more difficult to avoid. That is the point I was trying to make.

I think YABU personally, and don't at all believe life would be better without Christmas. We didn't have it as kids, abusive parents, who would spend the week drinking and have us run about after them. Never had a tree, 'presents' came in the form of school shoes or socks or a coat. My granny did a roast and we went over for that and she would have nuts and sweets and other special extra bits but we weren't allowed to touch these thanks to my stepdads 'rules'. I look back now and can see it broke her heart.

Now, I make Christmas for my kids (7 and 3) the one I longed for as a child, on the first weekend in December we make gingerbread men and put up the tree. The 2nd weekend we go to the local pub to see Santa (£5 per child, they give him their list and get a selection box and have a disco) our school do one performance at the local church with a foodbank donation request around the 2nd week which I get to leave early from work for but we've already had the dates given for that so it's booked in as annual leave already.
The eldest knows that Santa only picks 1 or 2 things from your list and brings your surprise stocking, the remainder is left for family to choose from, electronics aren't on there as he knows they're not Santa type presents.
No new outfits for parties unless absolutely needed (tbf, no real parties other than my work one which is just in a pub nearby)

Our Actual Xmas eve/day is very chill, Xmas eve we have sausage buns and go out to the park. Home then walk to the local pub at 3ish for a few drinks with neighbours/friends, walk the 10 min walk home around 6ish in the dark looking at the lights. Kids are then bathed, put out their stockings and carrot for Rudolph and in bed by 8 , no Xmas eve boxes or extra stuff here.
DH and I stay up and share a bottle of wine/watch a film, get the dining table ready for breakfast.
next morning wake up, open one present from Santa then have pancakes.
open the other Santa present then get dressed and sorted.
MIL pops over with her gifts and then either stays with us for lunch or goes to one of DH siblings nearby (we all live within a 15 min drive of each other)
I have no contact with any of my own family anymore due to the historical abuses (granny no longer with us and she was the only one who mattered)

Bil and family live nearby and they come to ours on the evening when walking the dog. stay for a few drinks and our house is empty again by 8pm ready for us to wind down. It is absolutely exactly what we have made it ourselves.

Boxing day DH takes oldest to the football with BIL while youngest and I go for a walk with family then to any one of our houses for dinner before evening drinks and again home by 8ish.

so yes, you can do a magical Christmas without the expectations - my best ever step was coming off social media and focussing on the kids.

I absolutely dread Christmas (got into an abusive relationship right before Christmas during lockdown) and find it really triggering. I also get bad SAD that peaks then.

I'm not putting up a tree etc and will avoid any shops that play Christmas music. Also avoiding social things.

The worst part is people call you a Scrooge if you opt out without realising people can have good reason to hate it.

YABU. Just dial it back, say no to parties or just wear what you have, don't do all the expensive stuff or wasteful gifts.

I wouldn’t mind Christmas so much if the shops didn’t have Christmas stuff in shops before September and then have to hear about Christmas for the rest of the year. Growing up, Christmas wasn’t planned out til early November. The fake niceness only adds to it for me.

This sounds like my nightmare.