To think life would be better without Christmas

[MyDogsPaws]

I really hate Christmas, I know I’m probably in the minority but it’s October and I’m already worried and stressed about it and I suspect I’m not alone!

If it was just a case of putting a tree and a few lights up and having your family round for dinner in the 25th I would absolutely love it, I’d start thinking about it in December and look forward to having a nice day with my family. Unfortunately it’s not like this, there is fucking Santa and all that entails, school Xmas shows and needing to get time off work for it all, the cost of everything and being skint for the entire winter because i have to spend every penny I earn on presents or visiting Santas ducking grotto, or buying outfits for Xmas parties, and all the rest of it.

Yes I could just tell my kids there’s no such thing as Santa and all they’re getting is an orange and a book this year but that’s not going to stop them feeling left out when everyone else in primary school got a iphone 15 or whatever.

I really believe that Xmas makes life less enjoyable, not more and I’d quite happy ban it it, tinsel and all, for the rest of eternity, AIBU?

Miss the Xmas days I had as a child with the whole extended family. All my grandmother's homemade sweets and treats. After Xmas Dinner we would gather round to watch family cine movies some of my older family members in the 50s, as well as more "recent" ones. Then after tea various games. Minimal commercialism just time together.

Might try to resurrect this year!

No I love it. I just think you need to tone down expectations, Christmas is what you want it to be and if you're finding it that stressful, change how you do it, children generally love whatever Christmas is in their house.

I agree that Christmas had become exceedingly commercialised.
When I was a child people did their Christmas shopping in December. I remember going shopping with my aunt on Christmas Eve. It was a very special time. We did hone made decorations, we had a book and learnt how to make them.
I have always loved Christmas. However, I really don’t like what it has become.
Trying to buy a birthday card in a September to be told we aren’t stocking many as we have to put our Christmas stock out!
I find Elf on a shelf awful and Christmas Eve boxes, why?
I’m also bowing out of the works Christmas do. Far too expensive, I’d rather spend that money on something else.
I don’t do New Year’s Eve either, haven’t gone out for years. Again too expensive and over hyped.
Just scale it back op.Don’t be dragged into over spending.

For anyone thinking about a different type of Christmas, Katherine May’s book called Wintering is a thought provoking read.

Speedweed -Totally agree!

OP Manage the extra workload by making the season more simple, less expensive and avoid all the extra hype and extra brand new traditions unless they suit you and your family.

Real life is not an fecking hallmark film.

I’m sorry that you finding going to the school play such a grind - for me it was always a highlight - I would have rather dropped some of the other overhyped nonsense.

I wouldn't be for banning it entirely, but once every 4-5 years would be perfect. The whole thing is just a consumerist tat fest, plastic fantastic chinese tat for the kiddies. Making memories with a fecking elf on the shelf, north pole breakfasts, santa trains etc etc etc.

Impossible to ignore and opt out as the supermarkets have been filled with selection boxes and decorations for six weeks already. Give it another couple of weeks and you won't be able to go around Tesco or Asda without your ears being assaulted by Noddy fucking Holder screeching. I hate it.

Christmas was fine when it started around 15th december and finished just after new year's day. Now it takes up all of december and encroaching rapidly into november too.

I also really hate the fact that people who are big fans of Christmas and all the nonsense which goes with it find it acceptable to call people who are not fans either "Scrooge" or "Bah Humbugs".

Objecting to Christmas tat in the shops in August or things like elf on the shelf does not make you a "Scrooge".

And all the armchair psychologists who are sure that those of us who don't like the excessive christmas nonsense must have had miserable childhoods - nope. Very happy family christmasses when I was a child. But it was 100 times more simple than the extravaganzas which parents are supposed to deal with now, Opting out completely isn't really an option when you have children at primary school with endless events going on.

I had really happy Christmas's as a child and I quite enjoyed doing Christmas for family when older but each year it has lost more of the traditional charm and atmosphere that I remember. It seems today it is nothing more than an expensive gift giving fest that people stress and worry over due to money issues.

I'm actually glad that this year, apart from visiting a couple of relatives on Christmas morning, I will be having the rest of the day on my own.

10-15 years ago I would have agreed. Hosting the ILs every year (long story I’m not going into here), work always being ridiculously busy. Now it)s just me and DH and I’m retired I love it.

There is certainly more pressure than there used to be and it is more commercialised, but I do think it's possible to have a nice Christmas without much stress. We didn't have much growing up so perhaps that's why I'm not fussed on all of the excess?

We meet with family on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day for a buffet/left overs, but Christmas itself we spend just us (me, DH and DS)- we don't plan anything as such just relax and have some nice food. We usually do a roast of sorts rather than all of the trimmings, and then choose some crisps/chocolates we wouldn't usually have.

For presents we do a secret santa for adults so just spend a small amount and everyone gets a thoughtful present, and when DS believed we told him Santa brings stocking bits and then on his behalf we get a main present from his list; he was just as excited imo at the 'magic' than he would be if he got tonnes of presents. Now he writes a reasonable list as he understands we buy it- although we are fortunate and could afford a fair amount again it just feels excessive.

For school things we just prioritise nativity to be honest, there aren't many parents than go to everything so don't put pressure on yourself.

Of course for those without a penny to rub together appreciate its not easy at all and can be very stressful, but lots of people do put unnecessary pressure on themselves.

Agree 100% OP, in fact I started a very similar thread about a week ago on the chat. I was met with the same bah humbug comments too and lots of people weighing in to say how much they love Christmas, and many telling me to cop on and get over it. But many struggling too. I get very stressed about it, its almost a physical reaction of stress when I hear people talk about it or a Christmas song. I think its an accumulation of years of it becoming a really stressful time of year. Those that say just don't buy into it, don't cook, don't get the presents seem to think we exist in a vacuum. Family expectations are a real thing, its all very well saying you don't invite them but in my case, like many, with elderly in laws and parents its not really an option, or at least its an option with very big consequences to opt out of. In my house my DH loves Christmas and would have the whole house lit up and this really triggers me so we compromise a bit, but its still too much for me. I live in a fairly built up area and my local supermarket is in a big shopping complex so there will be no avoiding the music soon, also the pedestrian traffic increases so much that the traffic gets chaotic so I have to allow extra time to get anywhere in December, so yes its an unavoidable pain in the ass.

I'd love every 3 years as other suggested, even every other year!

What annoys me is Christmas lovers completely take the piss out of those who don't like it and then spend January and February moaning. Personally I like Winter and I love those first weeks in January when all goes quiet again and but I don't go around ridiculing those that find it hard.

Yabu.
Stop trying to keep up with anyone else. You set the boundaries in your family. Make Christmas how you want it to be. Children want your company at Christmas, not trips to a commercialised event or the latest phone.

Personally I like Winter and I love those first weeks in January when all goes quiet again and but I don't go around ridiculing those that find it hard.

Exactly this, January is new beginnings and the days getting longer and spring around the corner for me. I do wonder whether there is a crossover between people who go all-out for Christmas and then hate January. They put so much effort into planning and talking about Christmas all year that they have this huge anticlimax crash when it's all over. Whereas the rest of us are just relieved.

YABU. No one is forcing your hand to do activities or spend on things that don't enrich your life. Wear an old dress to the party (no one else cares) or dont go if you don't want to. I've never done Santa's grotto. We have a takeaway curry on Christmas Day.

Take control OP, make it what YOU want.

Personally I think a British winter without Xmas would be depressing. Like 4 months of January, cold, dark and wet. Having the lights, smells, sounds and distractions of the festive season makes it much more enjoyable.

Family expectations are a real thing, its all very well saying you don't invite them but in my case, like many, with elderly in laws and parents its not really an option, or at least its an option with very big consequences to opt out of

It is an option, you just want an easy life and don't want to enforce boundaries and advocate for yourself and your needs. How you treat family for the other 364 days of the year is far more important, if they get the hump about not being invited then that's up to them really isn't it.

I agree. I love the family traditions that punctuate the colder months. We have Hallowe’en (which is a big deal in our very family-focused, medieval village), bonfire night with school fireworks and a sociable October half term. Then six weeks later Christmas which is church singing, village activities, theatre, seeing family, food and rest. Then six weeks later February half term which for us is seeing French family, snow, skiing, mountain air and mostly cheese.

Those lovely traditions just about keep winter sadness and gloom from the door.

Is that going to be a standard reply now to everything?

"I've fallen out with ndn.../my kid won't eat green stuff/my mortgage is crippling me "

"Is that all you have to worry about with everything else going on in the world?! "

May as well shut down AIBU if so 🙄

Here's another one. So patronising. Not all of us post our innermost worries you know. Sometimes they might just be petty annoyances we want to get off our chests

YANBU to feel yours would, but mine certainly wouldn't. I'd find life very monotonous and drab without highlights like Christmas to shake things up.

My Christmas highlights are the lights/ decorations and events like carol singing and school nativities. They have that deeper culrural and social meaning through the generations.

I don't want to be planning it any earlier than November, and these days that seems to rule a lot out as everything seems to book up long before Halloween. I like to be in the season that I'm in.

I pretty much buy for DH and my DCs now, plus DNs if I see them, although they're into the teenage years now so getting harder to buy nice surprises for. Buying for adults who can buy anything they want for themselves gets pretty daft.

I'm not a winter person and generally Christmas is a nice distraction through December. I then tend to have a fitness project to get me through January until it's light until 5pm, the snowdtops are out and past the worst of winter. The commercial side of Christmas leeching through autumn is an irritating thing in the background, and the commercial explosion on the 1st of November is draining. That's the side I'd happily edit out but can't.

YABU I love Christmas, and would be incredibly sad not to celebrate. I still find it magical. I wish I still had little children so I could go to nativity plays and school carol concerts!

I don't go OTT with any of it, never did elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes or any of that.

ssd
Oh for christs sake, with all that's happening in the world

@ssd Seriously ? These comments are starting to become derailing. I agree in asking if you think we should shut down AIBU and chat and only be allowed to discuss the big issues.

As a Christian, Christmas is a wonderful time for us filled with family and celebration.
We have a full calendar throughout December and I love everything about it.
We have many wonderful family traditions that don't cost a penny (late night Christmas markets, carol singing, candlelit midnight mass, walks in the woods with mulled cider and mince pies...)
As a family we also make time (not just in December but throughout the year) for charitable causes which really makes it hit home how fortunate we are to have our health, a loving family and a roof over our heads.
It sounds like you have lost the magic. Try dialling it all down, spend less money on gifts and spend more time making memories.

I'm with you OP. But my Dad did die on Christmas Day 2016 & my Mum died January 10th 2021 so that's partly why I have to dredge up enthusiasm for it for my family's sake. If the weather is nice I dont mind it as much cos then at least we can do nice long family walks etc. I hate the short days though & the way it starts getting dark at 3. My DS birthday is December 18th too so it's an expensive month for us.

Bit stupid to spend every penny you earn on presents, Santa's grotto, and new outfits.

I wear clothes I already have to parties. Kids get one big present from me, some others from family, and their stocking. Christmas shows are attended by me wherever possible, or if not due to work, another family member will go.