AIBU for “sucking the euphoria out of being a grandparent”

[RomaniIteDomum]

by expecting boundaries to be respected?

I gave birth to a baby earlier this week.

Due to some medical issues I asked family not to post on social media until after we had announced ourselves.

We announce using a photo of baby’s foot as we don’t put pictures up outwith albums with seriously restricted access - just family and very close friends.

We texted family to give them the go ahead but asked that they only use the same anonymous photo. This message was in no way ambiguous - the go-ahead, photo and request not to use any others we had sent were all in one message.

"D"M posted a picture showing baby’s face, not the one we had specified.

She then texted “oops posted the wrong picture”.

I asked her to change it - she refused saying it would look strange and she wanted her friends to see more than a foot (note I did not say it couldn’t be sent privately, just not posted publicly online)

Further comments included “is there something wrong with her?” And “it’s up now and it’s staying up - this is MY grandchild”.

DF sided with her stating we were “controlling” and “you want to suppress the joy of grandparents”.

He had already accused me of “pissing people off” by refusing to reveal her sex prior to birth.

DH and I both work in fields that involve elements of cyber security - me with some really nasty criminals who would wish me and my family harm - so it’s an issue for us and the problem is not just the picture but the ignoring of boundaries.

AIBU?

YAB sanctimonious

Just don’t post anything. Can’t stand feet and hand photos. What is the point ?

Your choice if you don’t want photo’s of your baby on social media and don’t want other to do so. Just say so, but it all sounds very controlling and dramatic. What’s the point of a photo of a foot - very bizarre and all a bit ‘hey look at me, I’m a Z lister celeb’

You do sound like you’re managing to suck the joy out of a lovely time.

This is a hill I'd die on. Dh and I rarely use social media and we don't really post anything much of our ds because I have worked with people who have offences against children in their past. I have had to ask family to remove his photo and they did. I don't give two shits if they thought I was being ott. This is your child. You are responsible for their safeguarding and you have the right to parent how you see fit.

I'd tell your parents that you're very unhappy they went against your wishes when all you wanted to do was safeguard your child and I'd say that if they can't refrain from posting your child's face on social media they won't be given any more photos of your child since they can't be trusted to respect your wishes as parents. I'd also remind them that while they are his grandparents, it doesn't mean they get to decide what's in his best interests- it's your job to do that.

And even if you didn't have that line of work, just look at the god awful experiences of those young girls in Spain who's photos were taken and edited into child pornography and sent around their community. It's scary how easily that can happen.

Hmm, the grandparents sound like hard work and I wouldn’t be happy with them posting a photo without your consent.

However, considering your feelings about cyber security, I’m surprised you would put anything on Facebook at all. I’m a bit of a dinosaur with technology but I would question why a child’s face is not okay to be shown but presumably the child’s name and birthday are? You

Oh I dunno. Your mother may well be annoying, but I suspect you're more like her than you know.

Chill out and enjoy your new baby,

What does AITA stand for ?

Some really weird comments here! This is your baby. People can dislike your rules, but if they refuse to follow them, you can restrict their access to the baby.

You should put your foot down now because if you don't, you'll be in this situation over every decision.

This doesn't have to be dramatic. Let your mother know that she won't be getting any more photos to post and if there's whining from other family members, tell them calmly that you're the parents and you need your decisions to be respected. If you can't trust people, those people won't get to see the baby. Period.

Yanbu, but I feel like you're sounding controlling with such specific request as in a said window and specific photo to post. Friends and family know I don't post photos on social media and that's just a hard line easy to follow. Think you've muddied the water with this one.

....Oh and congratulations!

NTA. No more baby pictures for them.

Explain the consequences of this action are a loss of trust and that they will never get another photo of the child shared with them or an opportunity to be alone with the baby in case they take a photo. Then ask if they would like to reconsider and take it down.

nta

If you don't want photos of your baby to be on social media then I think that should be respected.
I think moving forward though you need to also respect that your baby is part of a family and not just your property. You're going to need to find a happy medium and not just say no to everything. It sounds like they have a very excited set of grandparents who are probably proud as punch!

Hahah, quite. It is possible to be both in the right and a bit of a knob.

I think it's 'am I the arsehole'

In your shoes i would leave social media rather than posting pictures of a mysterious foot.

But yes she should have respected your wishes. I feel sorry for her though, in the old days grannys had boasting books, these days they use Facebook. It's joyful and I'm all for that!

Lol at all the women shitting on another woman’s career, especially the patronising twat asking if she was the receptionist. You clearly have absolutely zero clue about life outside your bubble. Go back to sleep.

OP, YANBU. Your parents have overstepped the boundary. You now know to not send photos to them of baby and not to allow them access to your Facebook album. I would have zero qualms in doing this to protect your family. Their protestations about having their excitement taken away pales into insignificance when it comes to the safety of your child. If they don’t understand and can’t comply then they don’t get photos and can’t take photos.

As an aside, I’d probably get the thread removed in case it’s outing.

Those of you who don’t see a problem with it, do you not recognise that some people really don’t want to plaster their children over the internet? I imagine there are a lot of people on here who post every little thing their child does, with photos, videos etc. That’s fine, but it’s equally fine to make the choice to keep your child off social media, and it doesn’t mean someone is being uptight or precious. It’s a personal choice.

A grandparent is not the one to make that decision, anyway. They should respect the wishes of the parent, whether they are disappointed or not.

OP- I would have another word with your parents and explain that from now on, you do not want any pictures of your child put on social media. If they ignore you again, then I’m afraid I wouldn’t be sharing photos with them anymore.
It is not their baby, it’s yours.

Maybe share this advert from Deutsche Telecom with them and maybe they might see why they shouldn't share photos of children on SM, if your job isnt enough reason for them:

I think moving forward though you need to also respect that your baby is part of a family and not just your property. You're going to need to find a happy medium and not just say no to everything. It sounds like they have a very excited set of grandparents who are probably proud as punch!
I think you don't sound very excited about your LO, if I was your DM I would expect you to be a bit less measured and controlling about your first baby and more giddy with joy (and tired of course!). I would be quite concerned about your priorities.

I agree, I think it's bloody stupid and pretentious. Either post or don't post - you choose.

Who wants to see an anonymous foot?!!

I find this attitude odd.

I also find people who need to post pictures of children online for attention odd.

the parents get to manage their child’s internet footprint.

@RomaniIteDomum congratulations on the new baby 💐

don’t they want their tiny grandchild to be safe? Due to your jobs they should know you are sadly more at risk. Why can’t they see beyond themselves?