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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL made me feel like a bad mum

228 replies

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:05

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old DS. My MIL get on most of the time but she whenever we visit she ALWAYS has something to say about my parenting.

My DS is my entire world and I’m trying to be the best mum I can. Last week I brought DS to MIL house and she changed his nappy and said ‘those jeans are too tight on him I’m not putting them back on him!!’ And proceeded to talk about how people try and get too much wear out of baby clothes

firstly, my baby is average sized and the jeans were 3-6 months and fitted him fine. They were loose on his waist and legs and he was comfortable and they were fleeced lined.

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

the whole afternoon she kept going on about his jeans and about how awful it was to put him in jeans and how he was more settled when they were off….he wasn’t; his legs were freezing

I feel like she scrutinises everything I put on him to the point where I don’t want to go to her house anymore!

aibu?

OP posts:
Diamondcurtains · 11/10/2023 23:00

He’s your baby so what you say goes! That’s all there is to it. Don’t let her bully you now otherwise it’ll just go on and on.

Personally all my babies wore baby grows or joggers/leggings at that age but like I say he’s your baby.

junbean · 11/10/2023 23:03

I always dressed my son nice as well. I personally don't like the way boys tend to be dressed like they are going to be playing professional sports at all times. (I'm in the US and I bet it's even worse here, seems like elsewhere in the world babies are dressed so much cuter) They can be comfy and looking smart at the same time!

Your MIL sounds awful. If you needed advice you'd ask for it. If she had a concern that needed to be said, there's a way to say it without making you feel bad. You should never feel bad as a mother who is trying! Bad mothers aren't concerned. MIL is 100% wrong to treat you this way. Your baby will grow up so fast, don't let anyone ruin a moment of it for you!

BowlOfNoodles · 11/10/2023 23:09

Gotta agree on the jeans

QueenofTerrasen · 11/10/2023 23:10

YABU- a baby isn't comfortable in jeans. But you are going to continue to dress him like an IT consultant either way so crack on.

redribbonrose · 12/10/2023 08:08

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:05

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old DS. My MIL get on most of the time but she whenever we visit she ALWAYS has something to say about my parenting.

My DS is my entire world and I’m trying to be the best mum I can. Last week I brought DS to MIL house and she changed his nappy and said ‘those jeans are too tight on him I’m not putting them back on him!!’ And proceeded to talk about how people try and get too much wear out of baby clothes

firstly, my baby is average sized and the jeans were 3-6 months and fitted him fine. They were loose on his waist and legs and he was comfortable and they were fleeced lined.

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

the whole afternoon she kept going on about his jeans and about how awful it was to put him in jeans and how he was more settled when they were off….he wasn’t; his legs were freezing

I feel like she scrutinises everything I put on him to the point where I don’t want to go to her house anymore!

aibu?

Ou yes. My MIL always has/had something to say too: from birth up to now

Just being opinionated myself: does a 5m old value style over comfort? Jeans aren't that nice to lie down in. Joggers or leggings or a babygrow would be nicer for him

Mamai90 · 12/10/2023 08:14

He's your baby OP and you sound like a great mum but I have to agree with PPs, I wouldn't put a 5 month old in jeans.

My DD didn't have a pair of jeans til she was over one and even then she wore them once never to be worn again.

They need to be in practical, comfortable clothes.

Takeitonthechin · 12/10/2023 08:18

I never put mine in jeans at that age, they need to have room to move in their clothes and denim can be restricting.

Poppyblush · 12/10/2023 08:20

Ironically OP, you sound like a chav as you put it. Your dc is a baby, put it in the right clothes.

team MIL

Mamai90 · 12/10/2023 08:22

The other thing OP that it's the chavs that dress their babies in jeans (like a fashion accessory), definitely not the other way around.

Babies dressed in things inappropriate for babies, trainers, DM boots, big fuck off head bows, jeans etc look so so tacky.

Janieforever · 12/10/2023 08:22

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:41

Oh I’d never ever put him in trainers. He’s usually in either jeans, cargos, dungarees etc with a little polo collared top/jumper now we’re coming into the winter. Believe me he does not look like a chav.

Politely, he’s not a doll. Think yourself what it feels like to have to lay down or sit there all day in jeans or chinos, as an adult. Even adults prefer soft leisure wear at home. And it’s amplified a million times for a baby whose body is soft, not as strong and who can’t say my babygrow is much more comfy and I can move better.

its honestly not about how they look at this age, they don’t care, that’s for your benefit, you need to clothe him for his needs, not yours.

good luck op,

Paramummy3 · 12/10/2023 08:25

Jeans and chinos wont allow him to move his legs properly and get ready to crawl. They just won’t……

CecilyP · 12/10/2023 08:32

You say she always has something to say about your parenting but you’ve only given one example is her criticism. Personally, I don’t like the trend of dressing such young babies like they are mini adults. Though it’s not particularly recent, it probably post dates when your DH was a baby. There’s obviously a market for these things.

beAsensible1 · 12/10/2023 08:35

jeans on a 5 month old is ridiculous and probably uncomfortable yes.

jean isn’t a comfortable material.

however it is your right to dress your baby how you want. Comfortable or not. You can tell MIL she can have an opinion but you will dress your baby how you please.

lots of people who care about your child will have opinions, I’d really try not to take it as bad faith or insult. Just that they love your baby and want him happy.

Superhanz · 12/10/2023 08:35

I think @Sparkleshine21 has said it all in that picture of baby David Royale dressed like a mini adult.

Who's the chav now?

widowtwankywashroom · 12/10/2023 08:38

I'm with your mil
He's a baby
Not a chavvy fashion accessory

Hopelesscase32 · 12/10/2023 08:39

Yabu she shouldn't have been so aggressive in her opinions but babies need to be in soft stretchy clothes just because they are fleece lined the fabric is still not flexible enough. Put his comfort first and not style

3WildOnes · 12/10/2023 08:42

Obviously your mil was rude to say. However, I do agree with her. I hate seeing babies in formal clothes, especially jeans. Baby gros or leggings are much more comfortable.

PierceMorgansChin · 12/10/2023 09:10

QueenofTerrasen · 11/10/2023 23:10

YABU- a baby isn't comfortable in jeans. But you are going to continue to dress him like an IT consultant either way so crack on.

Not the IT consultant I'm crying 😭 🤣🤣🤣

VivaDixie · 12/10/2023 09:55

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 11/10/2023 20:43

A collared top? Have a day off.

LOL I read that in Shabaz voice 🤣

FTM2B1 · 12/10/2023 11:07

You need to stand your ground with your MIL. Be polite but firm, and don't let her decide to undress your baby and leave him in nothing rather than the jeans you picked out for him.

What is your DH stance on this? It's his mother - in the moment you can say "he isn't uncomfortable I've made sure they jeans are soft and lined" and dress baby again. But if this is an ongoing issue then DH needs to set that boundary with MIL, it shouldn't all be down to you.

I dressed DD in little jeans from around 4 months old. They were little leggings made to look like denim, they weren't stiff denim like adult jeans can be. If the denims for your DS are well fitting not stiff and he can move his little legs I don't see the issue at all.

Shelby1981 · 12/10/2023 14:09

I always thought that jeans looked uncomfortable for babies, then I had a baby and realised that a lot of the baby jeans/chinos are actually lovely and soft & flexible, they might look like adult jeans but feel totally different. I'm sure they're fine

Findinganewme · 12/10/2023 14:13

I understand why you feel the way you do. I think many first time mums, who are doing the best they can and adore their baby, feel the same. You are the mum and your instincts are powerful.

I agree with you re cold legs.

my first born is almost 12 years old. When he was a baby I really wanted to dress him well and I took pride in his outfits; he had jeans and shirts and even a suit with a bow tie. They just aren’t comfortable for babies. I found that he only wore the nice outfits for special outings or photos, but actually what he wore was soft and flexible clothing.

my daughter is 4 years old and funnily enough, even though she was gifted pretty dresses, she mostly wore leggings, baby grows, and rompers.

I agree that some joggers do look cheap, but have a look around…there is so much choice now, other than supermarkets and larger stores. There are some really cute boys clothes now! I used to find that boys clothes were all just blue, grey and black. Not now…

the fact that you care so much and adore your son, shows that you will only ever do your best. He’s a lucky boy.

HAF1119 · 12/10/2023 14:38

I don't know what your other examples are but I guess on that particular day maybe the MIL let it get to her that her grandchild who she cares for is dressed for trend as opposed to comfort. Sometimes relatives who love and care for the babies in their family will comment. Fleece lined jeans are quite restrictive for movement compared to babygros leggings and joggers and maybe she's trying to get you to have the child's interests above your style preferences?

I'm a little torn as I'm not sure I would comment, but I've never known anyone put a non walking child in restrictive/uncomfortable clothing all the time so perhaps I would but more gently!

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/10/2023 15:40

Shelby1981 · 12/10/2023 14:09

I always thought that jeans looked uncomfortable for babies, then I had a baby and realised that a lot of the baby jeans/chinos are actually lovely and soft & flexible, they might look like adult jeans but feel totally different. I'm sure they're fine

This is my experience too. The jeans/chinos my baby has aren't restrictive at all and are nothing like adult jeans/chinos.

Pollydarling · 12/10/2023 15:49

I only put mine in babygros joggers or leggings at that age! They don't look cheap at all, they look comfortable and are easy to wash.