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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL made me feel like a bad mum

228 replies

Littlepetites · 11/10/2023 20:05

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old DS. My MIL get on most of the time but she whenever we visit she ALWAYS has something to say about my parenting.

My DS is my entire world and I’m trying to be the best mum I can. Last week I brought DS to MIL house and she changed his nappy and said ‘those jeans are too tight on him I’m not putting them back on him!!’ And proceeded to talk about how people try and get too much wear out of baby clothes

firstly, my baby is average sized and the jeans were 3-6 months and fitted him fine. They were loose on his waist and legs and he was comfortable and they were fleeced lined.

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

the whole afternoon she kept going on about his jeans and about how awful it was to put him in jeans and how he was more settled when they were off….he wasn’t; his legs were freezing

I feel like she scrutinises everything I put on him to the point where I don’t want to go to her house anymore!

aibu?

OP posts:
Lindtislife · 12/10/2023 16:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Realisticparent · 12/10/2023 16:15

Sorry op but although overbearing in laws are the worst. Yabu to put a baby in jeans. So, so wrong.

There is no way your poor baby is comfortable. Stop worrying about what he looks like that think of his comfort. Put him in a cotton babygro.

Rollergirl999 · 12/10/2023 17:48

Cargos, chinos and jeans? He’s 5 months not 25 years old. Dress him like a baby not a mini grown up- he needs comfortable clothes

Angelil · 12/10/2023 17:57

LOL you wait until your kid decides they will wear nothing with buttons (happened to us over a year ago; I don’t think my nearly 5yo son has worn anything with a button on it since he was 3!). Good luck getting them to wear fancy trousers then. My son lives in joggers and leggings.

Thefsm · 12/10/2023 18:02

I never dressed my babies in jeans until over a year old. Comfort is so much more important than appearance to me. I used dungarees which didn’t cut in at the waist. Trousers don’t tend to stay up on a baby with their round tummies and little legs unless they are tight.

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 12/10/2023 18:07

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 20:11

It’s annoying when it seems like people are overbearing when you’re a new mum.

But I cannot imagine a 5 month old is comfortable in jeans!

There’s a reason people dress babies in leggings, joggers and sleepsuits, they aren’t cheap looking they are practical and comfortable for a baby. Jeans and chinos daily are ridiculous!

Correct.

My GC is 4 months old and still wears babygrows or leggings, all the time.

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 12/10/2023 18:08

Rollergirl999 · 12/10/2023 17:48

Cargos, chinos and jeans? He’s 5 months not 25 years old. Dress him like a baby not a mini grown up- he needs comfortable clothes

Edited

true

H007 · 12/10/2023 18:08

YABU jeans don’t belong on little babies.

vapesareforsnakes · 12/10/2023 18:12

I absolutely hate seeing jeans and cargos on a small baby, they are not fit for purpose and are just a fashion statement. They are certainly not comfortable.

Squashyy · 12/10/2023 18:19

Chukkachick · 11/10/2023 20:20

secondly, I don’t like putting joggers or leggings on my DS, I think they’re cheap looking and so he wears cargos, Jeans, chinos etc and I take pride in what he wears.

seems like you’re the type to judge other people but hate feeling judged yourself…

This.

My DS is well dressed, he's 22 months and wears leggings daily and always has. They're not cheap to buy and don't look cheap either and most important of all, he's very comfortable.

nadine90 · 12/10/2023 18:19

Sorry, I agree with mil and everyone else on the jeans front. I had lots of cute outfits for my first but by my second I had learned to stick with babygros for most of his first year. My kids still hate jeans and won’t wear them, aged 13 and 9! I want them to play and be active and comfy, stuff what anyone else thinks about their appearance.

But you say she makes comments all the time, so perhaps you’d have been more receptive if you weren’t already worn down by her comments. My ex mil was like this and I know how upsetting that can feel. Especially when you know you’re right! You just have to keep standing up for yourself and your choices… except about the jeans! X

Lose10kyesterday · 12/10/2023 18:50

With the best will in the world, @Littlepetites, you're not making your baby's life easy. Your mother-in-law is right, comfort is far more important than fashion. Why make your child's life miserable in this way?

exaltedwombat · 12/10/2023 18:54

"MIL made me feel like a bad mum". Well, sure, that’s what MILs do 😀! But it does sound like you’re dressing him up for style over comfort just a LITTLE bit…

Danielle9891 · 12/10/2023 19:03

With my first I bought loads of nice dresses and uncomfortable clothes but after a few weeks I clued up and dressed my daughter for the weather plus comfort. She mainly wore sleep suits or leggings not because they were cheap but because they were comfortable. It's uncomfortable for them trying to roll or crawl in tight inflexible clothes.
But still your MIL could have been less rude.

evian76 · 12/10/2023 19:08

I would be clear and firm but explain your feelings - tell her you are a new mum and it’s important for you to have autonomy and confidence and ask her to not cross lines. I’m so sorry to say this OP but I agree that jeans aren’t the best for babies! Also, your comments about other clothes looking cheap is offensive but I’m sure you didn’t really mean it.

juraandme · 12/10/2023 19:10

I will never understand why jeans are even made in sizes for babies. They are so restricting and babies need to be able to move freely and be comfortable while doing so. Boggles my brain and makes me sad whenever I see a wee person in jeans.

Nicola101177 · 12/10/2023 19:13

mine has an issue with jeans. Used to hate my baby girls in jeans. ‘Dressed like me’ that was poss more her issue 😂

Wanttobekind · 12/10/2023 19:13

Frankly if your MiL’s comments are all in that sort of line, yeah I’m with her and it’s your parenting not her bu. Jeans are not appropriate for five mo, they aren’t dolls. They need to wear light stretchy clothing in which they can learn to master the complicated world of moving their limbs.

onthenightfeed · 12/10/2023 19:25

Icepop79 · 11/10/2023 20:18

Even now my 9 yr old hates how stiff and inflexible jeans are, so I do see your MIL’s point - personally, I don’t like jeans on babies. But he is your child and MIL was wrong to go on about it to you in the way she did.

I'm 33 and still find jeans uncomfortable 😂 I'd only wear them if going out somewhere! People who chill around the house in jeans are absolute aliens to me!

So yeah a 5 month old baby? no chance. Mine lived in babygrows as even the tight waist bands of leggings looked uncomfortable on him! Plus babies just look sooooo cute in babygrows.. wanted to keep him looking like a baby for as long as possible as it goes by too fast!

JST88 · 12/10/2023 19:25

I don’t disagree with your mother in law, babies need to be comfy and cosy, who cozies up in jeans/chinos etc. There is plenty of time ahead for those clothes, enjoy the sleep suit phase as it goes by so fast. There are so so many gorgeous leggings, tops, soft dungarees and sleep suits for 5mo babies honestly

Firebug007 · 12/10/2023 19:26

Your MIL sounds like hard work and was a bit rude but she is right I'm afraid, babies this age shouldn't be in jeans and chinos, they can't move their legs the same way so for that YABU

onthenightfeed · 12/10/2023 19:37

DappledThings · 11/10/2023 21:25

People always lose their minds on here about baby jeans. Mine had some. They aren't actual jeans, just stretchy trousers that are a bit denim coloured. I've seen plenty of baby "jeans", I've never seen anything like actual adult ones in miniature which people seem to be imagining.

I found babygros an absolute pain and almost exclusively used bodysuits and dungarees. If I had another baby now I'm not sure I'd buy a single one. All those pain in the arse poppers that never do up right the first time.

I got some hand me down baby jeans for 3-6 months and yes they were actual, thick, stiff, mini adult jeans! they went straight to the charity shop!

usrghnmbh · 12/10/2023 19:38

What planet are you on? They are a baby, not a 40 year old man. Put them in comfortable clothes they can move around and stretch in. Sorry but you sound so stuck up, jeans are fine for an event or something but to dress a baby in that every day is odd. Yabu

PepperRed · 12/10/2023 19:43

Agree with those who support you... Need to be very firm and not too sensitive with this opinionated MIL. Congrats on your baby

Cappucino23 · 12/10/2023 19:46

Cheap ? Looool

Babies in jeans look chavvy