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Original poster

Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

284 replies

Desupi · 11/10/2023 14:05

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

OP posts:
Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:07

Maternity leave

I'm counting down the days until I go back (2 weeks)

my job is stressful but by god does it beat having to find ways to entertain a baby all fucking day

Excited101 · 11/10/2023 14:08

Try not to worry op. Get out with the baby every day you physically can- it’ll be everything better, and enjoy it as much as you can. 🙂

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 11/10/2023 14:10

I hated being at home with the kids 😬

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:14

Loved it. Had three by the age of 25. Dreaded the return to work so took 9 years off. I’m 35 now and I work as a secondary school head of department. My kids are doing great too.

Mercedes45 · 11/10/2023 14:14

Mat leave was awesome. I am back at work 2 weeks and I miss it so much. We had a tricky start with feeding, sleeping, reflux etc etc etc. But it was the best time and I didn't want to go back. We went to baby sensory, baby yoga, waterbabies and general baby groups. I am Rural so "going for a walk" can be quiet tricky with the narrow dangerous roads, so did have to pack up and drive every day. Some days we stayed at home and watched shit movies, especially around Christmas Time. Enjoy it, its harder than work but more enjoyable. Also, I took 13 months off.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:15

For me personally having babies was incredibly easy. Work is much harder, but there you go!

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:16

@Tribevibes what did you do job wise?

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:17

@Frontgarden

Teacher.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:18

From experience the only people I know who enjoyed maternity leave more than work were those with shit jobs or let’s say not professional roles

I am used to having my brain challenged, working with large teams, travelling etc. so maternity leave was shit in comparison. I had the easiest baby, who is absolutely amazing but I’m so happy she is now in nursery Grin

florafoxtrot · 11/10/2023 14:18

I enjoyed it a lot, knowing that it was temporary and that I would go back to work so to that end I never really felt like I lost my identity but that I was just doing something else for a time! Baby number 2 due in Feb and again I'm looking forward to the change in pace! That being said, I didn't feel like it was a breeze, at times as frustrating as work and quite lonely but I just had to find ways around that.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:19

@Tribevibes you couldn’t have been in role much if you took that long off work and had 3 by 25!

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/10/2023 14:19

It depends on so many variables;

Your baby, your personality, your job, how much support you have from your partner and family, what your community is like etc.

There are people who loathe looking after small kids and people who love it. Some people are just desperate to stop work, others find it's what gets them out of bed in the morning.

Having a new baby is relentless: much harder than it looks from the outside. You may thrive on it, you may not and its impossible to know before it happens.

Just keep your options open for now so you have a choice when the time comes.

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 14:20

I didn't have a high pressure job...I had an easy job. I still preferred maternity leave. In fact I loved it. Had an easy baby and had a nice time. Personally I find newborns pretty easy to look after...don't believe all the horror stories you hear.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:23

@Frontgarden

I wasn’t in it for that long. I taught for 2 academic years post Uni. I had a set of twins and a singleton in quick succession by the time I was 25. I then had 9 years off and I’m in my second year back teaching (this academic year I’m head of department simply because we just couldn’t recruit in my subject). I did find having babies easier than work, but I still love my job.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:23

@Comedycook most with low pressure jobs would enjoy it

as it’s not that big of a difference in pace

hence why I assume the OP is asking those in high pressure jobs

Greycheck · 11/10/2023 14:23

I genuinely adored maternity leave especially with my third when I had so much time with all of them. I know I only enjoyed it so much because I was on full pay for the majority of it so could afford to go out and do stuff and that being a SAHM would be VERY different with only one income (I am the main earner) but I did love it.

I was surprised how stressed I was with work without even realising it and my OH commented after a few weeks how much more relaxed I seemed.

Just to add my first baby was very demanding but the following two less so - no doubt my experience would have been different if all three had been tricky.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 11/10/2023 14:25

As others have said you really aren’t going to know how you feel until the baby arrives and you’ve been parenting a while! That said, most of the mums I know had a better time on maternity leave when their partner was around to help share the load, had a longer patently leave, WFH, had shorter commute etc so they weren’t left on their own from dawn to dusk.

Loneliness and boredom (you will be busy with the baby but it’s quite repetitive at times) are key factors for women wanting to go back to work (there are many others too of course!). I chose not to go back and I’ve been a SAHM for years because I enjoy parenting more than working and I’m very fortunate financially to be able to choose. This really is a marmite question and you will get a huge range of answers!

SacAMain · 11/10/2023 14:26

LOVED my job, loved everything about it, the pressure, the travel, the people, the money... Couldn't imagine being in a job where you keep looking at the clock desperate to go home.

Loved my maternity leave so much that I didn't go back to work for long and ended up being a SAHM - still am.

High pressure job is a breeze when you are child-free. It's less fun when you have to look at the clock to pick up the kids, when you need to find childcare if you want to go away for even 1 night, when you feel guilty if kids don't see you, when you don't want to miss kids events.

I admire parents who do both, top job AND being parents, didn't work for me.

How can anyone be "bored" in maternity leave, which is basically a long holiday to bond with your baby (after the weeks/ months you might need to physically recover) is something I would never understand? Loved my job, didn't need it to have an identity or a full diary, you don't get less busy with kids.

FunnysInLaJardin · 11/10/2023 14:27

my job was and is quite high pressure at times, but I hated being at home when the kids were babies.

I loved them of course, but my brain needed far more stimulation than just being with a baby or at baby groups all day.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:29

@SacAMain it’s not a holiday though.

I find work so much more engaging mentally than sitting playing with a baby. I’m not sure about the mental aptitude of anyone who claimed otherwise tbh.

I do classes every day, meet up with local mums 3-4 times a week for lunch, am on full pay so no financial issues but yes, it’s boring.

shrubgreen · 11/10/2023 14:29

@Frontgarden "From experience the only people I know who enjoyed maternity leave more than work were those with shit jobs or let’s say not professional roles"

How snobby. Why is "not professional" synonymous with "shit"? Not everyone has to be in a "profession" to find fulfilment.

Dianalouise · 11/10/2023 14:30

I have high pressure, professional job and let me tell you, maternity leave was an absolute breeze in comparison to the nonsense I put up with on a day to day basis in the office. Sure, sometimes it could get a little boring and repetitive but there was something quite liberating about not worrying about checking emails at 10pm at night and not eating my lunch over my computer and constant context switching. I made the mistake of trying to go back on compressed hours and it didn’t work out for me at all…felt I was failing at both so reluctantly went back full time and my DH reduced his hours (his job less high pressured) so I was lucky in that respect that I could work full time. But my god….I miss those baby days of may leave and would do it again in a second (if we could afford private school for another….we can’t!)

SacAMain · 11/10/2023 14:30

It looks to me that if you and your baby spend the day watching baby programs on TV, you will be bored to death and go insane.

If you do any boring thing, you will be.. bored.

Have a normal life, adapted to being with a baby, you won't be bored! Why would you martyr yourself being bored at home when it makes you miserable, it's not helping your baby?

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:30

It did feel like a holiday to me though! One long one 🤣.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:30

@shrubgreen not aware of what the word ‘or’ means are we?

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