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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

284 replies

Desupi · 11/10/2023 14:05

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

OP posts:
Elphame · 11/10/2023 14:46

I was counting the days until mine was over. I was so bored. I found that the general new mum chit-chat was not for me and I'll happily never attend another coffee morning in my life.

Second time round I went back to work for 2 days a week when DD was 3 months old. I had an amazing childminder who was able to provide good "mother substitute" care for her.

Bendysnap · 11/10/2023 14:46

New baby was a walk in the park compared to being a corporate lawyer. With a baby if I was up all night I could nap during the day or hang out in my pjs. At work I’d have to work all night, shower at 5am and then do it all over again.

mat leave was a piece of piss compared to working in the city.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:47

@Frontgarden

Also some of us weren’t with “our babies all day every day” …. They have these wonderful things called dads! Revolutionary I know.

I know my childrens father did an awful lot when they were babies (and still does). It wasn’t all on me. Perhaps you should vent to him and not an internet forum.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:47

@Comedycook of course I’d prefer to go to work

my brain needs the stimulation. DD is fab but I need more than baby groups, lunches with friends and playing with a small child.

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 14:47

@Frontgarden having a baby is not compulsory you know. There are loads of ways you can prevent it

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:48

@Tribevibes my DH had 4 months paternity

still a bit boring being at home though

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:48

@Comedycook why assume I didn’t want a child?

DD cost be £25k in IVF and she is the best. Still boring though

Saschka · 11/10/2023 14:49

I was a junior doctor when I went on maternity leave - loved every minute of it, kept on top of the housework, finally had time to renovate our house, went out and about loads (mostly just walks), loved playing with DS. It was great to just never have to think of work, or have anything hanging over me.

Would have happily taken longer (DS went to nursery at 11months, given the option I’d have kept him off until he was 18 months as that was the age he actually started enjoying it).

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 14:50

*why assume I didn’t want a child?

DD cost be £25k in IVF and she is the best. Still boring though*

Let's hope you're matching that pot of money for her future counselling.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:51

@Coffeerum

Or boarding school.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:51

@Coffeerum

you think all children who go to nursery at 12 months need counselling in the future?

or just ones whose parents aren’t so brain dead they found maternity leave boring?

cocksstrideintheevening · 11/10/2023 14:52

I hated mat leave. Groundhog day.

I have no interest in baby groups or bounce n rhyme at the library. I didn't want or need new friends and hate small talk.

I went back when DTs were 1. What I personally would have liked is go back earlier and take mat leave later at around age 2 when they actually had personalities and were fun to be with. Each to their own!

buckingmad · 11/10/2023 14:53

Different pressures etc.

prior to mat leave (I left after mat leave) I was mid management level at a big 4 accountancy firm. I had to juggle multiple deadlines, be technically accurate, deal with difficult colleagues and clients etc. late nights, weekends etc. BUT there was always a hard finish to the day, even if I only got to relax for 30 mins before crashing into bed I did and I did it guilt free and didn’t impact my partner.

Mat leave - endless hard work. If I wanted a break that meant DH had to take over and he had just had a long hard day at work. Can be very lonely and isolating. I also struggled with losing half my pay, yes DH stepped up and paid more household bills and often treated me to something nice like a massage or spa break etc. but I still struggled with personally losing a lot of my income and therefore independence. I also bounced back body wise very quickly but still struggled with that side mentally too as I’ve always been naturally very petite.

Im pregnant again with my second and tbh I’ve not even thought about mat leave. I’m not looking forward to it or dreading it, whereas with my first I was just as excited about 9 months of no work as I was with meeting my new baby. I think this time round I’ll be looking forward to work even more as I’ll have a toddler to run around after too!

Saying that, I love spending time with my DD and love taking her to classes but I went back part time which for me is the perfect balance. I get the best of both worlds.

Givemepickles · 11/10/2023 14:53

I loved maternity leave. I didn't have a high pressure job at the time but have in the past (and left it!). It's not really comparable in anyway. Your world shrinks down to tiny things like how long baby has nursed for and what onesies are best for getting off quick after poonamies . But I can't relate in any way to those saying they hated being with their baby. I've never experienced anything like the love I have for him and every tiny thing he does fascinates me. I don't care if that's cheesy!

I did a routine with my baby from 2 weeks old so he had regular feed times and nap times and slept pretty well at night. This meant I had enough sleep myself which I think makes all the difference to your mood. Also my DH was WFH mostly and very hands on. I did feel lonely sometimes though. I liked having an activity every day and met up with the other mums from antenatal class a lot. We'd often be having coffee for 4 or 5 hours a day together. I loved that. Also worked out a few times a week once baby was 6 months old and I miss that a lot now I'm back at work.

Sparklesocks · 11/10/2023 14:53

Oh I forgot to add - I went on mat leave 3 weeks before my baby was due and I was sooo ready 😄 I was knackered, sick of commuting and waddling with my bump, wanted to concentrate on getting ready for baby rather than deadlines - so I pretty much ran out of the door on my last day!

I know you can’t call when the baby will come as you never know if you’ll be early etc - but if you can, try and take some time before your due date to do some stuff for ‘you’ at the start of your leave. I had a pregnancy massage, a slap up lunch with just me and DP, I went swimming (which was nice heavily pregnant as it took some of the strain off my bump!), met my mum for coffee in the daytime etc. I felt very relaxed before baby came and it was nice to feel that peace/contentment before the madness started 😄

Green777 · 11/10/2023 14:54

Nightgarden · Today 14:18

“From experience the only people I know who enjoyed maternity leave more than work were those with shit jobs or let’s say not professional roles
**
I am used to having my brain challenged, working with large teams, travelling etc. so maternity leave was shit in comparison. I had the easiest baby, who is absolutely amazing but I’m so happy she is now in nursery”

What a disgusting comment. Some of us with excellent jobs enjoyed our babies during Mat leave. How sad that you describe time with your baby as shit compared to your job.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 14:54

@Frontgarden

The children who really need counselling in my school are the ones who’s parents on the whole are quite uninvolved and unhappy. You sound incredibly unhappy, right back from your first post. It’s fine not to enjoy mat leave but your bitterness and anger at those who did enjoy it is all too telling about your mental state.

RoseWrites · 11/10/2023 14:55

I'm also due in March :)

I took 13 months off with DD1 and loved moments of it: bonding, snuggles, baby groups, wine lunches with other mums.

But i also really felt bored and quite depressed at points, too.

I also had my own company so worked from home from about 2 months after dd was born. I worked around naps etc and it helped make me feel like the "old me". Although juggling was hard as I had no help with childcare.

This time around, I only have my own company so no mat leave to take (long story). So I'm going back after 1 month. I'll be working from home and building up to full time over 6 months. DH is taking a day off a week, and I'm getting a nanny 2 days a week. The baby will then go to nursery at 7 months.

My work is full on and pressured but I'm happy at the prospect of knowing I can be a mum and work.

Like others have said, some love being at home others can't wait to.get back to work. Good luck :)

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 14:55

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:51

@Coffeerum

you think all children who go to nursery at 12 months need counselling in the future?

or just ones whose parents aren’t so brain dead they found maternity leave boring?

It's pathetic that you seem to think work is the only way your brain can be stimulated.

Coffeerum · 11/10/2023 14:55

@Frontgarden *you think all children who go to nursery at 12 months need counselling in the future?

or just ones whose parents aren’t so brain dead they found maternity leave boring?*

Nope, I think nurseries can be great environments for children.

I think adults who are so childish as to describe other women as "brain dead" for enjoying time with their own children are likely to cause long lasting emotional damage to their own children.

At this point I don't think you're being genuine anyway.

OverTheCountryClub · 11/10/2023 14:56

I loved mat leave!! I had a wonderful time all 3 times. Took a year out with each. I'm a teacher so I don't know if that fits the criteria but being at home with the baby was lovely.
HOWEVER- was it relaxing? Not necessarily. Dc1 was a very full on baby and hardly slept. Needed constant entertainment. DH used to describe going to work as a break! And then with dc3 I also had a toddler at home to wrangle so there were no naps when the baby napped and that kind of thing. So while I enjoyed it, I wouldn't say it was "easy" per se.

Saschka · 11/10/2023 14:56

I found that the general new mum chit-chat was not for me and I'll happily never attend another coffee morning in my life.

I wouldn’t have liked that either, so I didn’t do any of it! We went to baby swimming, which was great, and post-natal pilates (which was solely for my benefit post birth). I did a long distance walk with DS in a sling (6-10 miles a week, took me six months), saw my friends, did some buggy runs round the park, my mum came round a lot, and we renovated the house.

SiousieSoo · 11/10/2023 14:57

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:51

@Coffeerum

you think all children who go to nursery at 12 months need counselling in the future?

or just ones whose parents aren’t so brain dead they found maternity leave boring?

@Frontgarden

I hope your very important job does not require nuanced analytical thinking or the ability to embrace complex subjects, as your reductive reasoning is not exuding professionalism on this thread.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:57

@Green777 time with DD is shit compared to my job

at work I don’t have to clean my co workers shit off their legs, tell them to stop pulling at the tiny strands of my hair all day, sit on a yoga mat and sing mindless songs, get on my hands and knees at lunch go clean mashed up banana off the floor.

if you enjoy that more than work then your job doesn’t sound that great tbh.

PeloMom · 11/10/2023 14:57

Mat leave was way worse for me. I was looking forward to go back to work despite of often having 12+ hour days and high pressure environment (investment banking)