Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

[Desupi]

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

Job was worse. I loved being on Mat leave but then my job is busy, I don’t get a break, I don’t have time to think for 8 hours. Being off with baby was great ! And mine had the amazing afternoon naps so that was my time to chill which I don’t get in a working day !

This post is really nasty.

I had a lovely, busy, interesting job when I fell pregnant. You probably wouldn’t have considered it to be very important, but I was certainly never bored. I loved my maternity leave and would have taken the full year if I hadn’t needed to go back for financial reasons.

I am far from brain dead, I assure you.

Like PP have said it all depends on a variety of factors.
What I will say is once maternity leave is over and you are back at work it can be difficult juggling everything.
With young children and working Full time life can just seem like a hamster wheel you can’t get off. Lots of young children wake up during the night and you have to get up to them and then do a full days work. Quite often it can feel like you don’t get to actually enjoy your children because of work, commuting, chores etc.
Some women absolutely hate maternity leave and others love it. I actually think most of us are in the middle and find it tough some days and lovely other days. With parenthood I think it helps if your a glass half full person who can just go with the flow.

@Didimum

Twins are portable. I had a set followed by a singleton and we still got out and about. I still took them swimming, they sat in the baby pool seats and I pushed them around. They were fairly chilled though. That’s just an alternative viewpoint. I did find that some twin mums that I met got into a negative mindset regarding what they could and couldn’t do. I mean it was bloody hard at times but I still loved it.

How does the same work over and over again- sorry but babies develop and change and learn constantly- far more than most jobs.
I find it really sad for your child that you knock being with them so much, mat leave isn’t for everyone but the majority are really as scathing and vile about it as you.

No, it's not a negative mindset. It's the temperament of your children, combined with the opportunities local to you that support you bringing twin babies and have facilities to enable you to bring and safely handle bringing twin babies.

Well I loved being off. Some days were repetitive but I had family and friends living nearby so that helped.
Now they are all grown. I would love a year off looking after a baby.

I loved the second part of my first maternity leave (months 6 to 12) - it was summer, baby was sleeping, I was out with my NCT friends who lived locally, often just for a walk. It was great.

First 6 months was more challenging and also quite boring. Plus it was winter.

Second maternity leave (with an 18 month gap between children) - I was very ready to go back to work! At home with a baby plus a toddler was quite challenging. Part time work was the best of both worlds.

Ok so I’ve just ended my second leave and am a lawyer and partner in a well known firm

Both times I expected Mat leave to be easier than dealing with difficult, demanding clients and really tight deadlines/working into the night

the truth is - both times the first few months of Mat leave was significantly harder. Because babies sleep/eat/poo in cycles of 2 hours or so so it just felt relentless. Babies are not grown ups - they are not rational in the slightest- so they are more demanding than even my most demanding client, and recovery from my births was tough each time

but then… as the weeks and then months progress and you are not cluster feeding and not sleeping- I would say the latter few months eg 5 months onwards) was much more relaxed than work. Baby is less demanding physically, weaning was quite fun, baby was more portable, I had found some nice mum friends to go for coffees with. And coming back to work is stressful.

but I missed a couple of things in Mat leave in those later months:

1. being able to walk anywhere independently - without carrying a baby or the associated items.
2. having the kids in childcare to be able to get my hair done, go to doctors apppojtments or go to physio appointments. This got quite draining as you literally can’t do anything without childcare
3. Using my brain and talking about real world stuff like politics and the economy.

but coming back to work and doing it all with 2 kids is definitely tough.

In my experience a lot of it boils down to sleep frankly and feeding.

If your baby sleeps okay, and feeding goes okay? You'll prob have a lovely time.

Baby won't sleep, feeding is a nightmare? Well... I was miserable. I'd take working seven days per week over going through a newborn again. Never. Ever. Again. Not sleeping for longer than 40m for six months straight. Wanted to end it all I was so miserable and desperate.

Now my kid sleeps? It's heaven. Dream come true. Bloody love it.

@Didimum

Unless you’re out in the sticks I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to get out and about. My twin buggies and slings were all bought second hand.

I guess we have to agree to disagree – which is fine.

I had a high pressure job in the City with 7.30am starts and 7.30pm finishes.

I had ds1 aged 35. Maternity leave was an absolute breeze in comparison and I didn't find it boring at all - some of the tasks were boring but not the baby and certainly not the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted, admittedly with the baby in tow.

I went back briefly part-time which didn't work for me or the firm. I think they only created it to look like they were supporting women/mothers.

DS was constantly ill at nursery, I hated working part-time, and thankfully I had the choice to give up work and did. Had 7 glorious years at home - leaf kicking, counting, going to the park, magical music, story-time, playgroup, 1 o'clock club and made so many new friends.

Went back to work when the youngest had settled in reception. Locally, and retrained.

@SalmonBelongInTheWater

Agree. I had 3 easy babies who slept and ate and cooed. There was nothing to it. (Disclaimer, I bottle fed as at one point I had 3 under 2). I didn’t follow all those bottle rules either. I made up 24 hours worth of feeds and kept them in the fridge etc. I did all the “wrong” shortcuts to make my life easier. It is all just so variable though isn’t it? I was in my early 20s. Maybe having 3 under 2 at a later date would have killed me off.

I found maternity leave with my first very tough, and going back to the job I went back to was a bit of a rest. However, I had previously spent 9 months as a staff officer to quite a challenging person. My mat leave was a breeze compared to that.

My second mat leave was lovely and nicer than any of my jobs.

I found one baby easier than primary school teaching but a baby and toddler harder. Depends a bit on the temperament of the baby. Some things that are hard are still worth doing though.

This thread is the very worst of MN. I see now why it's been described as a nest of vipers... OP, mat leave experience depends on so many variables. What sort of baby you have, whether you have a supportive partner, whether you have friends in the same situation or at least friends who are free daytimes, whether you have a wider support network (family), where you live, whether you have any money worries, etc etc.

I have a demanding job that I love. But it is vey taxing indeed. I have had 3 periods of maternity leave.

Maternity leave and being at home with the children was always been a total joy and a walk in the park compared with my job. I truly did not find any of it stressful or depressing or even particularly difficult. But I acknowledge my babies were not high needs, I have an involved supportive DH, was physically and mentally well myself and was comfortable financially so that we could do things. Had I been unwell or had a sick child or some other stressor I have no doubt it would have been very different.

My best advice would be to be optimistic and hope for the best. But have a bit of thought to a Plan B should it all be more tricky than you’d like (go back to work earlier, buy in some help etc).

I’m an investment banker in a high pressured role. I caveat this with I am now at a senior enough level that I have more control over my own hours and therefore it’s possible for me to do pick up and drop offs from the childminder.

I always moaned about my job, but not so secretly loved it. I enjoyed the challenge and the environment.

I have always wanted children for as long as I can remember. Our journey to parenthood was a difficult one, so when it actually happened it felt surreal and a privilege. Because of this I really thought becoming a mum and being on maternity leave would come more naturally. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I think, in part because of my job and the interactions I have with people, my patience and tolerance was much lower than I realised.

According to ‘everyone’, I have a very easy baby. It’s all relative though, so it doesn’t always feel that way to me. The first 3 months almost broke me. I’m VERY lucky however that my husband has excellent paternity leave and was able to take 6 months off with us, that he started when baby was 3m old. Those 6m were the best of my entire life. If we could’ve stayed like that forever then I’d definitely say maternity leave was better than my job, like this.

Now he’s back at work and it’s just me and baby again, I’d still say it’s harder than my job, but also much more rewarding. At no point at work when I’ve closed a deal or finished a tough project have I felt the same level of overwhelming pride that I do when my baby has smiled / laughed / crawled for the same time. On the flip side, at no point during maternity have I felt the same level of mental stimulation I got from my job.

Overall, I am looking forward to going back, but only because I can also see my baby is ready and will benefit from being around other children now. Work will be a different type of hard, because it now comes with the additional cost of taking time away from me being with my family. But I also hope it makes me appreciate that time together even more, and I go back into my work life with more patience and understanding for others.

Maternity leave was wonderful for me both times and so so easy compared to work! I honestly sometimes get tempted to have another one just for another maternity leave until I remember that is not a good reason to create a human.

I feel sorry for men never getting paid career breaks like mat leave.

If your brain can't find other things to do than going to baby groups or playing with a small child, I don't believe for a second you had such a high pressure job.

You obviously need firm directions and to be told exactly what to do, you show no sense of initiative or intelligence, you don't sound suitable for anything than the most junior roles.

Poor baby made to feel such a burden.

they can get paternity leave!

And to be fair, they don't need the recovery time and all the rest of it, they only have the fun bits!

I absolutely loved maternity leave, look back at it with such fond memories and can't wait to hopefully get the chance to do it again at some point. I kept myself busy going to baby classes and meeting friends with their babies and honestly had the best year without having to think about work.

I went back to work part time after a year and actually find that harder than working full time or being on maternity leave, could also have something to do with the toddler stage mind you!

I love my job, I'm a qualified health care professional within the NHS and can't say it doesn't have it's stresses of course! I went on maternity leave from my position as an emergency department practitioner.

The PP who says those who preferred mat leave tend to have rubbish or unqualified jobs... ridiculous.

I love my job, but I loved my maternity leave. Those months with my child were the best of my life. Time with my long awaited little girl!

There were tough days, sleep regressions and constant "wheels on the bus" but overall I loved it. I was so sure I'd never ever want to go back to work because how could I leave this little baby?! I extended my may leave to take the full year but by the time I went back I was ready to and excited to. She was also ready and excited to explore nursery and has totally thrived there.

Now we enjoy our special days off together and both get best of both worlds. But no, you don't have to have a "rubbish or unqualified" job to love your maternity leave. It's tough sometimes, in a different way to a stressful work environment, but it's wonderful.

Everyone's different and of course some hate it. But some also love it.

I loved mat leave and being able to create a secure environment for my baby. The job was hands down much worse, still is. I'd do 20 yrs of mat leave anytime as a swap.