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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

284 replies

Desupi · 11/10/2023 14:05

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

OP posts:
Green777 · 11/10/2023 14:57

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Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:58

@Comedycook how did your infant stimulate your brain?

pray tell

SiousieSoo · 11/10/2023 14:59

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@Green777 I am sure @Frontgarden is such a legend in her own head that such matters are piffling to her.

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:59

Ok boomer @Green777

Green777 · 11/10/2023 15:00

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Canisaysomething · 11/10/2023 15:01

There are so many factors that influence how you find parenting and mat leave, it’s impossible for you to predict how it will go, let alone anyone on here.

It depends on: health of you, health of the baby, how well the birth goes (physically and mentally), how many new mum friends you make, how much family and friend support you have, how much partner support you have, how much financial stability you have, how much there is to do aimed at new mums in your local area…. The list is endless.

I absolutely loved my first mat leave but found my 2nd mat leave really challenging and boring by comparison.

Green777 · 11/10/2023 15:02

@SiousieSoo

An absolute legend with the best job among us, we are all paupers with shit jobs because we like our babies 😂

user19888891 · 11/10/2023 15:03

Maternity leave was far more stressful and all consuming. But it was also far more rewarding and overall prefer it to work

ALunchbox · 11/10/2023 15:05

I had lots of exciting plans for my maternity leave, go to exhibitions, complete a part-time (long distance) masters, read books, volunteer, etc. I however ended up with a baby who cried all the time and didn't sleep so I did none of those things! I guess you never know which way it is going to go. Sounds like some posters had a lovely time though, and I hope you do too.

Lotta0 · 11/10/2023 15:05

Maternity leave for the first four months was much harder than my full time heavy responsibility job.
Set your alarm four times a night to get up, and go work in a department you don't understand snd it gives you a taste.
There's lots of lovely, amazing, pure joy too- loads and loads and I'd love to do it again, but it's not easy, and it's def not a holiday, and you don't know tired til it's parenting tired.

Comedycook · 11/10/2023 15:05

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:58

@Comedycook how did your infant stimulate your brain?

pray tell

Literally not wha I said. I said work is not the only stimulation. There are these fantastic things called books...you can read them when you're with your baby.

SiousieSoo · 11/10/2023 15:06

Green777 · 11/10/2023 15:02

@SiousieSoo

An absolute legend with the best job among us, we are all paupers with shit jobs because we like our babies 😂

Not forgetting the ultimate insult to be levied by @Frontgarden - wait for it... She called you a baby boomer! Its her ability to apply such sound reasoning that we are all in awe of here.

Saschka · 11/10/2023 15:09

Frontgarden · 11/10/2023 14:51

@Coffeerum

you think all children who go to nursery at 12 months need counselling in the future?

or just ones whose parents aren’t so brain dead they found maternity leave boring?

You might want to look again at your grammar there - you are saying it is the parents who are “so brain dead” who found maternity leave boring, though you clearly mean the opposite.

Only boring people are bored. You are going to hate retirement if you aren’t able to entertain yourself for 9 months. Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you enjoy any exercise? Didn’t you read any books? Don’t you like visiting museums or parks or stately homes or anything?

Babies are portable, mine went round the British Museum with me several times, visited multiple historical sites, did a long distance walk, came on daytrips all over the place, came to the cinema, went swimming, came on runs in the buggy. If you sat on the sofa and watched This Morning for a year, that’s really down to you.

sipsqueak · 11/10/2023 15:10

I found mat leave to be a very welcome break from the drudgery of work, constant emails, office life, commuting, etc. I loved being at home and spending time doing things locally, meeting other new mums, etc. It was a new world for me and felt very freeing! I was gutted going back to work after a year of leave.

HoppingPavlova · 11/10/2023 15:11

It’s a strange one. To be honest I think I only had babies to get off work for a bit, god knows nothing else worked. No point building up leave when you could never take it.

However, I didn’t find staying at home at all mentally fulfilling. I was glad not to be at the shit show that was work, but on the other hand bored shitless mentally with a baby. So, with my first I went back really quickly. Then decided I needed another break, and another, and another etc😀. It was better with subsequent kids as while they still didn’t require any thinking load, your mind is at least kept occupied by the juggle of babies and little people. While not as mentally fulfilling as work, you don’t get bored with one wanting a feed, one deciding they need to use their newly acquired toilet skills right now and another reading a dinosaur book to you while wondering what the hell another is doing.

I did generally work and look after kids (DH and I worked opposite days/shifts to avoid care), no way I could have just looked after kids without working so while nice to have a little holiday when popping them out, good to get back also.

Tribevibes · 11/10/2023 15:11

@Saschka

That is so true. I’ve met a few people at work like that. Usually very narcissistic people. Without work they are literally nothing. It’s like they dissolve, they go brain dead and they feel empty inside. Those people with substance aren’t like that. They enjoy their work, but it is not the whole part of them.

Green777 · 11/10/2023 15:11

@SiousieSoo

Her sound logic and reasoning ha ha

I mean I get that some mums do struggle due to things like PND or being single parents. Having a baby is demanding but you prepare yourself for that.

But being told you’re literally dim or have a shit job if you enjoy time with your baby is disgusting.

I have no idea why you’d have children if you can’t stand them until they’re ‘interesting’ to you.

OP sounds like a nasty snobbish person unwilling to listen to anyone except other mothers who feel the same.

Flintwhistle · 11/10/2023 15:13

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Or, you could do as I did and carry on with life, just with a baby in tow

Housenoob · 11/10/2023 15:14

I'm in a high pressured job and absolutely loved mat leave. Loved not having to be in certain places at certain times, answering to people constantly, always having emails to reply to and meetings to dress for and go to.

On maternity leave there are absolutely NO expectations and I love that. Yes the lack of sleep and things like dealing with colic etc is hard, but personally lack of sleep isn't a big deal when you have absolutely no commitments the next day other than being with your baby. Currently pregnant with my 2nd and cannot wait till my next maternity leave.

HoppingPavlova · 11/10/2023 15:16

@Saschka Babies are portable, mine went round the British Museum with me several times, visited multiple historical sites, did a long distance walk, came on daytrips all over the place, came to the cinema, went swimming, came on runs in the buggy

That just means you are busy though, not necessarily mentally fulfilled. Filling up time does not automatically equal mental fulfilment and while some people would be mentally fulfilled by some or all of those things others would not be.

PaprikaPlease · 11/10/2023 15:17

I managed a large tech team within a very pressurised environment which I disliked. I quit shortly after mat leave to look after my first until they were 2 (doing bits of consultancy in the evenings)

Hands down the stressful job was easier for me! But the work felt unimportant compared to looking after my child and I didn’t want to miss their ‘firsts’ so it felt like a good decision. Kudos to long term SAHPs - I don’t have it in me!

Didimum · 11/10/2023 15:17

Saschka · 11/10/2023 15:09

You might want to look again at your grammar there - you are saying it is the parents who are “so brain dead” who found maternity leave boring, though you clearly mean the opposite.

Only boring people are bored. You are going to hate retirement if you aren’t able to entertain yourself for 9 months. Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you enjoy any exercise? Didn’t you read any books? Don’t you like visiting museums or parks or stately homes or anything?

Babies are portable, mine went round the British Museum with me several times, visited multiple historical sites, did a long distance walk, came on daytrips all over the place, came to the cinema, went swimming, came on runs in the buggy. If you sat on the sofa and watched This Morning for a year, that’s really down to you.

Show quote history

Bully for you. I had twins and was completely on my own. Couldn't take them swimming. Couldn't take them round museums. Rinse and repeat. Not everyone has the luxury of one easy baby they can whip around everywhere.

Boska23 · 11/10/2023 15:18

I couldn't wait to become mother but once she was here I equally couldn't wait to get back to my high-pressure job, even though I only took 4m to begin with (DH took the rest). She was amazing (still is) but I found it repetitive, boring and really missed the intensity of my job. Sometimes I look back at those times and think how great it would be to have another maternity leave, but then I remember how it felt and am quickly back to appreciating life I do have now.

SiousieSoo · 11/10/2023 15:18

Green777 · 11/10/2023 15:11

@SiousieSoo

Her sound logic and reasoning ha ha

I mean I get that some mums do struggle due to things like PND or being single parents. Having a baby is demanding but you prepare yourself for that.

But being told you’re literally dim or have a shit job if you enjoy time with your baby is disgusting.

I have no idea why you’d have children if you can’t stand them until they’re ‘interesting’ to you.

OP sounds like a nasty snobbish person unwilling to listen to anyone except other mothers who feel the same.

I agree it is totally demeaning to suggest that if anyone dares to enjoy their maternity leave, they must have a terrible job, or be completely boring just because you personally believe this to be true. Maternity leave is hard and it can have boring elements but ultimately it is rewarding and enriching to be able to have time to bond with your baby for many people, whatever role they have.

MyPurpleHeart · 11/10/2023 15:19

So I'm manager of a construction company and the director never bothered to get me maternity cover. So I am on mat leave and have to work from home for a few hours at least twice a week.

And I've had to take a short maternity. So I'm double stressed

I wish I could have a normal maternity to enjoy her before I go back