Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

[Desupi]

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

It depends on the baby! Temperament, sleep, any health needs, etc. My mat leave was stressful as I had a very high needs baby with initial medical needs, a battle to bf and baby would only ever sleep being held by me (would scream in a sling, pram, bath, especially the car). Every time I met with others their babies would kick about in the pram and they could chat and drink tea. I'd have to hold baby, walk around/sway non stop and he'd be screaming. I had to deal with the judgment too - that he was like that because I pandered to him. Try ignoring that! At the time my husband's dad was going through end of life care and my dh was rightly with him. Barely any family support as my mum was tied up with my sister's kids.

I have spent lots of time recently with a friend and her baby, who is very calm and easy going. That would have been a very different experience!

Going back to my stressful job was a breeze in comparison. At least I managed a wee and a hot drink every now and again.

Retired barrister here. I was lucky to have 2 healthy, good sleepers and I thoroughly enjoyed all the time I had off with them.
Conversely the job was a nightmare. It regularly required working until 2 or 3 am and then having to argue in court in front of impatient judges on behalf of unreasonable clients. It was exhausting and stressful. How I preferred caring for my children.
Why did I stick the job for so long? Well, as with most barristers I was self-employed. So I could book off all school holidays etc. The nightmare job allowed me to have quite a lot of time with my children.

Shocking comment.....you sound very entitled !!

Which comment?

Mat leave was harder than teaching.

My baby was a very difficult one though! My second was an angel and the other way round.

Mat leave is what you make it. By the sounds of it, you're financially stable enough to get yourself out there to groups and coffee mornings etc. Start looking at things to do now. I absolutely loved being at home with the kids, although working is alot easier in all honesty.

I actually found that being too strict with naps and routine, it often was more stressful. With my 1st we were so bothered by sticking to our routine etc that we ended up missing out on alot. Where as when it cam to my 2nd I had already done all the worrying and stress etc so did not fuss anywhere near as much and I think we were all happier for it.

Some people absolutely hate it, and that's OK but I think the more you get yourself out there, meeting new mums/dads, the more emotional support you find when you're having 'one of those days'. Its easier to talk to someone who actually understands why you're so upset that your baby didnt eat their food and its worrying you, for example.

Good luck, relax and try to enjoy everything, even the bad bits.

Is being a teacher a shit job, not a profession? Because I much preferred mat leave over teaching. So much so, I left and I became a SAHM.

I loved my mat leave

I had the best time in maternity leave - slow pace, going with the flow, lots of holding baby and cuddles and just bonding with my baby. it was difficult to return to work as i missed him immensely - although i love my job of course. your identity will change that’s natural because you’ll become a mother and for many including myself, that comes number one and i absolutely love being a mum. good luck and try not to anticipate or prepare for anything - the experience will be different for everyone so no one can give you answers! just go with the flow when your baby comes :)

I'm absolutely LOVING maternity leave. I'd heard the same, but once I was past the toughest bit for me (first four weeks when she constantly breastfed) I'm genuinely loving it and wish I didn't have to go back. Just love motherhood.

@Frontgarden that's quite a narrow minded view! I'm an academic in a position of responsibility and my job is great, and extremely intellectually challenging, but I absolutely love maternity leave.

Totally ageee @Comedycook. If you genuinely prefer your beloved child being in childcare to looking after them, I find that really perplexing!

It depends. My son was a very difficult baby and I didn’t get to experience lovely walks with a stroller, going out for coffee, etc (very unsettled). Lack of sleep was really hard on me too (he wasn’t a good sleeper). I don’t generally enjoy playing with kids, so I didn’t enjoy entertaining him. I was rushing to go back to work after 6months!
It doesn’t have to be your experience though. You are different to me and you might get a relatively easy and content baby.

I loved it but blimey I was ready to go back, I needed to be someone other than mum and to engage my brain!

This. Being in charge of your own schedule beats being at work any time.

I loved maternity leave, of course it wasn't easy but I didn't really like my job much anyway so dreaded going back.

Best year of my life I can honestly say. I had a wonderful 12 months getting to know and love my little baby.

Im not saying it was a breeze, I definitely had my issues and problems but I knew my focus and I had the time to spend my energies not on pointless work but pouring that time into my family.

I did make great efforts to join in other activities and meet up with others/ go to library sing alongs etc.

I know that the am lucky in my experiences but I would say make sure you don’t isolate yourself as if you are experiencing issues talking to others can really help.

good luck - I wish you happiness and joy.

Hello. As people say it depends on your personality, job and your baby. But I had 6 months off on maternity leave from a super high pressure job and I loved it. It was nice to have a slower pace of life and just one thing to focus on! I was ready to go back after 6 months though as there’s only so many convos you can have about dirty nappies. I was very lucky as my lovely DD was quite a straightforward baby x

I find those posts strange tbh. I guess they weren't ready for kids. For me, there's been nothing better in life.

I had a stressful job, I loved every second of maternity and when I had my second I became sahm for a couple of years and loved it.

Enjoy!!!

I loved mat leave, I work as a teacher and both times the slower pace of life was brilliant. I read so many books and just generally had a lovely time!

For me, when I said maternity leave was difficult it was during the newborn period, I distinctly remember saying I’d rather be doing a 3 day non-stop stint at work. It’s the single, most hardest thing I’ve ever done. Incredibly rewarding but also incredibly relentless.

But, as everyday passes - it gets easier. They don’t need feeding as often, they don’t fill their nappies as often, they have a longer nights sleep (this is the most significant change). Challenges change and come and go. Certainly now, with an 8 month old, a hard day with her is less mentally exhausting than a hard day at work.

1st baby - loved my maternity leave and would've stayed off longer but that's coz I hated my job. 2nd baby - went back early because we had to financially but I was in a job I liked so happy to go back. I guess it really depends on how much you like your job to begin with x

You will receive very varied opinions on this OP. It just depends on who you are and how material you are. Absolutely loved my first mat leave, pre Covid and had saved up money so I could eat out all the time and enjoy a non mobile baby and days out when she was mobile.
second one was during Covid with a newborn and 17m old and it was absolutely shit. I went back early. Work is a break compared to looking after kids 😂 especially multiples, and I have a senior HR role. It is very hard doing both, not gonna lie.
I couldn’t not work though, I need that thing for me and a break from the kids

That’s me - I have to do both and it’s so hard :( breadwinner so no option to be a SAHM.