Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

[Desupi]

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

they can get paternity leave!

And to be fair, they don't need the recovery time and all the rest of it, they only have the fun bits!

They can but two weeks (only one paid) just isn’t the same - it’s not a career break is it? Obviously if they work for somewhere that offers 4-6 months then that’s great. But standard paternity leave just isn’t the same as maternity leave - 2 weeks off vs up to a year!

worse bit for me was returning to work with a child that was ill non stop and an employer who was not understanding at all.

Mat leave was hard but I enjoyed it but was looking forward to returning to work.

Job 1000% is worse for me.

My children didn’t sleep which was the worse part but not having to deal with the corporate BS was amazing.

Sleep deprivation due to babies / toddlers was far, far worse than anything I have ever encountered in my (office, ‘mid management’) job. But other than that I loved maternity leave.

The worst, for me, was returning to and continuing to work in the midst of the sleep deprivation. And problems with childcare (nursery) quality for DC1 and associated guilt!

Yep, “I have no initiative or imagination” is really not the boast she thinks it is.

City lawyer.

Loved it. First time in my life I felt absolutely 100% born to do it. Didn't want to go back. Went back pregnant with No II.

Moved jobs. Still high pressured but not to the same extent. Much better

Whether or not your job is high pressure is, I think, wholly subjective.

And yes, as PP says, DC being ill all the time and using up almost all our annual leave to cover it between us.

I was a teacher and maternity leave honestly felt like a holiday in comparison. It made me enjoy it so much more than everyone else I think because I was just SO glad not to be at work 😂 I used to look at the time while doing things and think what people at my work would be doing (and feel sorry for them). I really really loved it 😂 it’s a different story with two this time but still easier than my job! People love to dramatise it all so much, in reality you’ll probably have a few hard bits but on the whole it really isn’t that bad (in my experience)!

I found the first few months of mat leave slow and boring but I am now coming to the end of it and don't want it to end 😥 I went travelling abroad with my baby, went on a few holidays and took her on loads of days out to places I wanted to visit. Love taking her places she enjoys now she is a bit older. I know I am fortunate to be able to afford to do this. The thought of going back to work, how fast paced it is and the stress of it all makes me feel sick.

I found mat leave much harder than my job. I think when you're used to working in a high paced high pressure environment is quite a change to get used to. In hindsight I probably should have done spl and gone back part time a bit earlier than the full year.

Loved maternity leave and had stressful busy job. Did not want to back.
All these people who say they hated being at home with their babies, why did you have children in the first place?
You don’t get that time back so make
the most of it.

I loved the first 12 weeks of mat leave. Baby was a newborn so slept a reasonable amount and didn't need entertaining, and DH was off work so I wasn't on my own.

Once DH went back to work and DS 'switched on' (so needed to be entertained but still couldn't do anything himself) and started to resist naps, it was pretty bleak. I had lots of NCT friends so I was out every day doing baby classes, meeting people for coffee etc, but there was a slightly frantic sense of staving off reality to it all. The prospect of a day at home without plans filled me with utter dread because it was an unbearable combination of boring, stressful and exhausting.

Once DS dropped to two naps and started crawling it got easier. I went back to work four days a week at that point and really enjoyed it!

DS is now 16 months and a DELIGHT, but I think that's partly because I’m back to working full time and really value the time I have with him 😊

My job was way way worse. I loved Mat leave. And I had twins.

senior teaching role

This exactly. Particularly what kind of baby you have and who you have around you. I've done it twice, hated my first mat leave, loved my second (same job throughout).

For me, this was my experience ranked from easiest to hardest:

1. Mat leave immediately before having DC1
2. Work before having any children
3. Mat leave after having DC1 (knowing I would return to work)
4. Work after having DC1
5. Work now with school children
6. Mat leave with a toddler and new baby
7. Work with 2 young DC and shit sleep

@Tribevibes I would have loved to be able to study during mat leave. Unfortunately DS only napped either on me or whilst being pushed in the buggy for months, and wanted constant attention when he was awake. I couldn't even read a few pages of a book whilst I was on my own with him!

I love mat leave and I’m absolutely dreading going back to work

Job was harder than mat leave for me, and I had demanding non sleeping babies. I stayed in work because DH had just changed career and we needed the money while he worked his way up. I’m glad I did stay in work for self esteem and pension but being at home with a baby and toddler was much easier.

No it's great. Enjoy the baby baby stage. It's a dream.
I can speak for these people, I guess everyone's different and some don't like being with their kids .which is sad if u ask me

Not so much of a holiday when it isn't your first child.

Hmm judgy much?

OP, I was a Deputy Head & I'm not sure it's easy to compare Mat leave with work. I had a pretty stressful job but mat leave was hard at times in a different way.
A first baby for me was a huge shock to the system. I didn't like the lack of structure...or the lack of sleep!
Having a good support network of friends and family saved my sanity - especially my NCT friends. It probably depends on your baby somewhat, mine was tricky - still is! .
In contrast I loved my second May leave and decided to step back from my management role so that I could spend more time with my family.
In a nutshell I think it depends on many things, not least your own e PE and coping strategies so no one can say how you personally will find it but best of luck to you. I look back on that time really fondly now that they are older

Parents need a break sometimes. Stop with the guilt trip.

100%. Newsflash: people can enjoy their jobs.

Don't be an arse. Not all of us are natural mothers and feel a bit bored by the monotony. It is normal. Mine are IVF too. Should I give them up for adoption or something because I am not mother earth?

I also just wanted to add that having multiples is a very well known risk factor in increased PPD, PPA, multiple health ailments and, to boot, rates of divorce. The world of ‘getting about and Mat leave is not designed for one person with two babies - not public transport, the width of doorways and pavements or layout of cafes, nor baby groups or even NCT classes. To add that all to the above and claim ‘negative mindset’ is pretty insulting.