Those with high pressure jobs, what was worse, maternity leave or the job?

[Desupi]

First time mum here due in March and very clueless! I work as an Executive Assistant to a high profile indivudual. Don't get me wrong I do like my job most of the time, but it can be highly stressful too.

I keep seeing all these posts on social media about how being a new mum is depressing, exhausting, you lose your identity etc, and it is making the whole thing quite daunting. However, I will have 9 months off work and think to myself how nice it will be to spend time with my baby and not have to think about work at all.

I appreciate that as I have never had children before I likely have no idea what is coming. But i guess what I am looking for is for some opinions on how you found maternity leave?

I read something that said being home with a baby is more stressful than 98% of jobs, but I loved it so I can only conclude my job is in the remaining 2% .

To be honest I was pretty burnt out before maternity leave, if I hadn't had a baby I think I would've needed to take a sabbatical or something. I've only gone back this week and I'm already enjoying it more than I was before, whilst still missing being with my son. It's an adjustment for sure- both when you stop work and have the baby and when you go back.

If you chose to do "boring " stuff, then it's on you 😂

If you need a job to be engaged mentally, it's a bit weird, do you need someone to tell you exactly what to do? I don't . I don't need a job and a title to find something interesting to do. There's no enough hours in the day to do everything one could want to do!

How did you survive on holiday before you had kids?

Is your rudeness trying to hide your feeling of guilt or failure? There's really no need to be so rude on this thread.

Neither was worse for me, I enjoy my high pressured job and I enjoyed maternity leave.
Obviously both totally different experiences.
On balance I probably enjoyed maternity leave more, mostly because I threw myself into it and was aware it was a fleeting time of my life and I needed to make the most of it.

@Frontgarden "From experience the only people I know who enjoyed maternity leave more than work were those with shit jobs or let’s say not professional roles"

What a narrow minded view point, you must have very one dimensional friends.

I work in a professional role with a successful career, I don't see why that means I can't enjoy anything outside of work. Don't you go on holiday? Persue hobbies? Socialise?

@Frontgarden "I’m not sure about the mental aptitude of anyone who claimed otherwise tbh."

Your judgemental, condescending approach to people who don't have what you feel to be "professional" jobs is very apparent. Why the need to be so mean? Do you really think your job makes you clever or kind?

@SacAMain

Same. I wasn’t bored at all. Even during my time off (as I decided to extend my maternity leave) I embarked on a second degree via the OU in something that interested me more than my initial degree. I have fond memories of getting up to allsorts. I was really fit as well because I would drop the kids to the crèche and go in the gym or go for a swim etc. I met loads of new friends and had a great time. I love my job as a teacher but it is not my whole identity. These are the people who will flounder in retirement and not flourish. Granted retirement you don’t have the responsibility of a brand new baby but the lack of imagination here is frightening. I never watched daytime TV.

If being with a baby stops you having a life, it's not us who need to expand our horizons...

Your posts are so weird, did you just give up on life when you had a baby, and stop doing or thinking?

That's not my experience or the experience of anyone I know! Baby was a plus, not a prison or house arrest sentence 😂

Babies can be exhausting because they don't sleep when you want to sleep yourself. Why would they stop you using your brain or making the most of your work-free months, what a waste.

Well you sound rude and obnoxious 😊

@Frontgarden I'm in complete agreement with you, you clearly would be much better off keeping busy back at your Very Important Job rather than taking your mat leave issues out on an online forum... 🤨

My experience also.
Also was a teacher 🤷‍♀️

I’m an EA- my job was quite fast paced and busy especially around my eldests birth- loved both my mat leaves- never felt bored, probably the odd day of exhaustion, but just loved them.

They’re different. You engage your brain differently to do your job than you do to look after a baby.

as others have said - depends on a lot of variables, you might have an ‘easy’ baby or you might have a high needs baby with reflux/bad colic etc who needs to be on you, you might take to motherhood like a duck to water or you might be a bit wobbly at first. You can’t really predict it. Some of the baby routine in the early days can also be quite tedious in its monotony which I think can really get to you, but of course there are lovely moments too.

I had a rough start because my DD was almost impossible to settle in evenings but she’s settled down a lot now. That was a lot more stressful than my job.

But she’s 6months now and it’s lovely going out for walks with her and seeing more of ‘her’ emerge, rather than just a crying/pooing newborn. We play and have fun and I don’t miss work at all, except maybe talking to more adults in the daytime 😄

My job is quite full on with quite a demanding boss, but my baby is also quite a demanding boss 😄 I would say it’s hard to compare them personally. I’ve definitely reached my limit when DD has had her hardest nights or I’m running on no sleep, but equally I’m not in headless chicken mode putting out fires like I do at work - so that’s nice.

OK I wouldn't say I had a high pressure job but it's a professional job and I'm kept busy (university teacher). I had 2 dc, 2 years apart. Loved both maternity leaves! I took around a year off both times, good pay, and it was amazing to have all that time off, not only with my baby but also more time for friends and my parents. I was lucky there were no major problems with either baby and I have lots of local friends so i could be as busy as I wanted to.

If you are someone who gets bored easily, just keep busy. One of my friends did at least one baby activity a day and was always out!

Although I enjoyed mat leave, I was happy to go back to work both times. I would say having kids took the edge off my ambition and I still don't have my mojo back - kids are 9 and 11!

What lovely mothers you all sound

I have a high pressure job.

Probably depends on your baby and you as an individual but despite DS being an utter nightmare for the first 6 months I loved being off work. Didn’t miss my job at all and was gutted to go back. Also didn’t really have time to think about it!

I liked just basically doing what I wanted, not having to think, no one telling me what to do. I like my own company though and am quite organised and resilient - and have a super hands on husband, and went to little classes and spent time with my parents (which was a brilliant bonus of being off work).

DS just started school and I’m back at work full time and this is equally satisfying in a different way.

Maternity leave was 1000% worse

But I had a “high needs” aka bloody difficult baby. Premature, didn’t nap except in a moving buggy, didn’t sleep at night, not happy in the same place for more than a few minutes. Required constant stimulation and I was absolutely beyond exhausted, as well as stressed about trying to work out how to get her to sleep more or be happier. (Bear in mind I’d been a City lawyer previously so was used to stress and little sleep, or so I thought).

I imagine if you have a baby who feeds well, reliably sleeps for long stretches and who is generally content then mat leave could be wonderful - you can do all these mythical things like meeting friends for a coffee or going to a gym.

Imagine being so heartless you'd prefer to go to work than spend a day with your own baby?

@Tribevibes the word "imagination" is what sprung to mind for me immediately too. Of course some people may prefer work over maternity leave and vice versa but the idea that enjoying maternity leave is a sign of intellectual deficiency is staggeringly misogynistic - and says a whole lot about the person holding that view.

Oh yes I was also unbelievably lonely.

😂😂😂

You sound bitterly jealous of all the mothers who had a blast in maternity leave, bonding with their babies while having a fun time, studying, travelling, having a life really..

When I had MY high pressure job, I didn't have much time or need to spend on MN, it's interesting that yours let you spend so much time here too. Bored at work are you?

@Frontgarden I think anyone who thinks being with a baby is not boring needs to get out more tbh. expand your horizons

The irony.

You can do most things with a baby. Someone who is not bored by a relatively short period of time not in paid employment and with a baby does not need to expand their horizons.