Nieces teenage coffee habit is costing ME money!

[crossroads1]

AIBU... we live with my MIL and whenever my SIL and her husband come to visit, they bring their nightmare of a 13 year old daughter. My SIL and BIL are TIGHT, but stinking RICH. BUT, when they come to ours the daughter always wants to go Starbucks, Costa, fancy coffee shops etc etccc. And the parents sit there while she asks me if we can go.

Sometimes I've said yes (if i want a coffee too) but when I try to make an excuse she doesnt stop. She is never told no. But the thing that IRKS me is when i do agree to take her they never offer to give me money to pay for her coffee habit. Not being funny but in a cost of living crisis, im not happy to pay £5 for her snapchat coffee.

On the flip side, whenever it his her birthday my BIL always puts on a huge birthday, everything paid for (he is generous when it comes to pleasing her and showing off), but AIBU to not want to pay for her coffee habit? I don't mind to take her in the car to Starbucks (obv she doesnt drive) but a little gratitude would be nice! And also the fact that they can defintely afford it, while me and DH are not in the best place financially. We do not have kids yet either.

How do I say no or ask them to give me the money to take THEIR daughter without sounding like a Scrooge or complete B*tch.

Has she got any friends?

Get the sachets in all the flavors... the look on her face would be worth it,

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Instant-Coffee-Starbucks/s?keywords=Instant+Coffee&rh=n%3A12668257031%2Cp_89%3AStarbucks&c=ts&ts_id=12668257031

You need to try to be a little more authentic OP. You are clearly presenting in one way to this child (nice, fun, generous auntie) while inwardly disliking, resenting her and calling her names.
Thats actually no fairer on her than on you. It's two faced and hypocritical.
There is no rational reason for you being obliged to take this girl anywhere. She has parents, grandparents and your husband who come higher in the hierarchy of obligation towards her than you, so why not just back away and let them get on with it?
She asks you to take her out? You say, "Not today niece, perhaps dad/uncle/grandad will take you"

Seriously? With a 13yo niece?

After seeing my Chanel make up she outright said "Can you buy me this for Christmas?" I said its really expensive, and she just gave me a LOOK.

Is this for real? A look? Oh no!

Why do no adults have the bollocks to stand up to her?

She gives you a look and you say “That might work on your parents but not me kid” and that’s it.

You just need to say no and if she continues to push after that, you say 'I've already said no' and then move the conversation on.

Perhaps ask your niece if she's paying ? 😆

I mean a 13yo has pocket money..

You sound unhinged with a child-like emotional age, and I feel sorry for you.

However I do agree OP should distance herself from niece if she genuinely dislikes her.

I put YABU because you just need to say no. Stop taking her ffs.

I had teenage nieces when I was 20, and I did feel quite a lot of pressure to be the "cool auntie". It got a bit expensive though, so I had to stop.

I recommend just saying "Nah, I've gone off Starbucks coffee, ask your mum if you need a lift". She's not going to put you up against a wall and shoot you, is she? And if she really is a nightmare, then you might feel better if she's being a nightmare that you said no to, rather than a nightmare that you indulge.

Tell her you're not going to Costa because they support breast mutilation. That will probably stop her in her tracks.

You do seem like a pushover. If you don't like her, don't spend time or money on her. She's not your blood relative, her parents or your DH can. And go out for a walk when she comes round with her parents.

And when it comes to other expensive things, just say "ah well you'll have to work to get good grades at school so you can get a good job and pay for them when you are an adult".

Sorry xxx I am not going but your mum and dad can take you

or be honest in their hearing sorry xxx I can’t afford to take you. If mum and dad want to take you they can

Introduce her to Beanies Coffee and have it at home

Why is a 13 year old even drinking coffee?
🤨

This

They probably do not realize the cost is a lot to you. I would just not take her and suggest her parents do. Or say sure I don't mind driving you, but lost my card so...

I’d also pay for my thirteen year old - or even adult - niece if we happened to be getting a coffee together but this would happen very occasionally and be a “my treat” sort of thing.

I’d just say, “Ooh we worked out how much money we spend a year on shop bought coffee so we’re trying to kick our habit by staying away from them and their lovely smells which I can’t resist so best I don’t take you either.” You’ll have to ask Mum and Dad and perhaps you can have one on the way home or another day this week.”

Repeat. Have a lovely coffee when they go home. 😁

But this one only works for one visit.

Quite. I have told my husband do not even think about buying one for our daughter given how much he spends on shop bought coffee a month let alone over a lifetime…

Quite! I can’t believe it’s got to page 5 and nobody has said this till now! I have a 13yo and neither her nor any of her friends drink coffee, for good reason.

Easy, if you don't want to pay for her coffee then don't go!

Buy her a costa voucher for Christmas, remind her to bring it when she asks for coffee.

I agree but her parents are clearly ok with it so that horse seems to have very much bolted.

She obviously looks up to you and wants to be friends with you. Yes she sounds horrifically spoilt but that’s not really her fault. I feel like the way you talk about her, you don’t like her, so it’s unfair to let her keep trying with you. You need to just say ‘Sorry I can’t afford to go out and buy coffee this time, let’s make one here’. Loudly in front of her parents or failing that get DH to have a word with them.

And yes find it very weird that a 13 yo drinks coffee, unless it’s decaf?!