Nieces teenage coffee habit is costing ME money!

[crossroads1]

AIBU... we live with my MIL and whenever my SIL and her husband come to visit, they bring their nightmare of a 13 year old daughter. My SIL and BIL are TIGHT, but stinking RICH. BUT, when they come to ours the daughter always wants to go Starbucks, Costa, fancy coffee shops etc etccc. And the parents sit there while she asks me if we can go.

Sometimes I've said yes (if i want a coffee too) but when I try to make an excuse she doesnt stop. She is never told no. But the thing that IRKS me is when i do agree to take her they never offer to give me money to pay for her coffee habit. Not being funny but in a cost of living crisis, im not happy to pay £5 for her snapchat coffee.

On the flip side, whenever it his her birthday my BIL always puts on a huge birthday, everything paid for (he is generous when it comes to pleasing her and showing off), but AIBU to not want to pay for her coffee habit? I don't mind to take her in the car to Starbucks (obv she doesnt drive) but a little gratitude would be nice! And also the fact that they can defintely afford it, while me and DH are not in the best place financially. We do not have kids yet either.

How do I say no or ask them to give me the money to take THEIR daughter without sounding like a Scrooge or complete B*tch.

Just say ‘get a tenner off your Dad then and I’ll take you’.

Entitled is putting it mildly. She has definetly been taught the 'value of money' from her parents, which is why its bizarre. My DH (her maternal uncle) also spoilt her a lot way before i was on the scene. She is used to asking him for anything and getting it.

You're making a drama of something that needn't be. Either say:

1. No I don't fancy it thanks
2. Sure, if you're paying
3. Sure, let's go, but get money from mum or dad first cos I can't pay.

Done.

go in the kitchen and make coffee for everyone!! nothing wrong with instant! tell her you are all coffeed out!

How is this an issue… just tell her no and not to ask again if you don’t want to go. It doesn’t have to be mean or grumpy, just clear.

If you don’t mind going and don’t want to pay tell her you’ll take her and to go ask her parents for money.

Serious question… how much could this really be costing? Is it daily, weekly, monthly?

What are you scared of? What do you think they will do to you if you say no? Why are you scared of that?

Ultimately it's down to you.

I'm not going right now, ask your dad/mum .

Ok, get some money off your dad/mum for your coffee and we'll set off when they've given it to you.

It's your nice. It s a nice memory surely, your Costa coffees together? It wouldn't bother me personally.

Off to the mirror I go! Thanks for the great advice X

There's nothing wrong with telling her they are too expensive so you don't want to go.
You can get some nice latte sachets from the supermarket these days. Offer to make her one. Maybe buy her a reusable takeaway cup for Christmas then you can make it in that.

I wouldnt mind if she wasnt such a brat; she doesnt stop until she gets what she wants and throws a tantrum. This is why im probably resisting so much. I might add it isnt solely fixed to coffee; if she hears me and DH have gone for dinner the next time she comes round she will say can we go to that restaurant? or she asked me to buy her Chanel make up for Christmas after she saw mine!

She is not to blame but your DH and his sister are.

I should have prefixed this. It isnt just coffee; she will ask for anything that she likes. After seeing my Chanel make up she outright said "Can you buy me this for Christmas?" I said its really expensive, and she just gave me a LOOK.

How frequent is this?

I probably wouldn’t have an issue with occasionally (like a few times a year) taking my niece for a nice coffee and a chat and me paying of course, but it would be more about spending time together. Much like we give younger nieces and nephews some sweets or a little gift etc, that presumably a teenager doesn’t want.

However if it was frequent and they were asking me and expecting it and sulking about it - not a chance!

OP just curious, are you much younger than your neices parents? (i.e. does your neice see you as some kind of cool aunt person she can try to wind round her little finger)?

I think you are being quite harsh about her. Teenagers can be a bit selfish and thoughtless. It sounds like she idolises you a bit.

Just say no. She's seeing you as soft because you are.

Why are you letting yourself being bullied into spending money you don’t want to spend…….by a 13yo???!!! Jus say no fgs. “I can’t afford it”. “I don’t want to go today”. “I’ve gone off them, I don’t have them any more”. “I’ll take you if you get your parents to give you the money for it”. “Why don’t you treat me for once?”. “Do you think you should be eating that rubbish?”.

Just say no and keep saying no. Teen for Christmas get her a £25 Starbucks gift card. Let her see how many drinks she can get herself with that.

I think you need to be the grown up and just say no. It's really not that difficult. She's13 fgs. Not cool to be all big and brave on here calling her a brat etc, while not having the guts to say no to her face.

'Again - you're costing me a fortune you know, how about I get you some Costa vouchers for Christmas and (insert parent name) can take you to spend them whenever you like?'

She's pushing it, and she probably knows it.

This is all very very strange.

So, you're all sitting round, and your niece says to just you 'can you take me to Starbucks' and then just the two of you go? And you're the only one not actually in her blood family? If she never asks any of the other grown ups because they won't tae her, just say whatever they say surely?!?

Also...you're not in a financially good place but you live (rent free?) with your mil, have Chanel make up and go out for dinner with your dh?

Monthly for sure. But it isnt restricted to coffee. Its make up, clothes, eating out, jewelery - you name it she wants it.

Whenever she asks you to buy her expensive coffee or makeup etc just say 'no, ask your parents.' If she keeps asking then just walk away whilst she throws her tantrum.

Really strange thread, it has nothing to do with a "coffee habit".
You don't like her, you don't want to spend time with her and you don't want to buy her anything while out ... so don't go with her. Why is that something you need other people to tell you?

When my brother's take my DC out I wouldn't give them a fiver for a coffee for her because they wouldn't expect it or take it.

So you give her a look back! You meet her stare for stare! If she presses, you just laugh and say 'not a chance' or 'you seem to have me confused with a personal credit card" or whatever.

You have no obligation to explain or justify yourself to her. And if she's being rude or bratty, just laugh it off. It might finally embarrass her into rethinking her approach with you.

Not rent free. We pay more than the MIL, she is retired and elderly, we look after her. The chanel make up is years old which i brought for my wedding where i did my own makeup - i dont frivously spend and the dinners are far and few between.