Nieces teenage coffee habit is costing ME money!

[crossroads1]

AIBU... we live with my MIL and whenever my SIL and her husband come to visit, they bring their nightmare of a 13 year old daughter. My SIL and BIL are TIGHT, but stinking RICH. BUT, when they come to ours the daughter always wants to go Starbucks, Costa, fancy coffee shops etc etccc. And the parents sit there while she asks me if we can go.

Sometimes I've said yes (if i want a coffee too) but when I try to make an excuse she doesnt stop. She is never told no. But the thing that IRKS me is when i do agree to take her they never offer to give me money to pay for her coffee habit. Not being funny but in a cost of living crisis, im not happy to pay £5 for her snapchat coffee.

On the flip side, whenever it his her birthday my BIL always puts on a huge birthday, everything paid for (he is generous when it comes to pleasing her and showing off), but AIBU to not want to pay for her coffee habit? I don't mind to take her in the car to Starbucks (obv she doesnt drive) but a little gratitude would be nice! And also the fact that they can defintely afford it, while me and DH are not in the best place financially. We do not have kids yet either.

How do I say no or ask them to give me the money to take THEIR daughter without sounding like a Scrooge or complete B*tch.

Just ask your sibling for the money. If I think mine owes me something I ask and he gives.

I have a nephew who always wants things

I'd resort to

Have you got your pocket money to pay for it. Don't forget to bring your pocket money. If she asks why you can't buy it for her say fact of life kid people earn different amounts of money and I can't afford too.

If she asks for something like jewelery/ perfume then say something like put it on your Christmas/ birthday list and then just give her something you can afford either cash towards the item(s) or one of the actual items on the list.

She's gotta learn that not everyone has the same amount of flexible money. She will have friends eventually that spend money in different ways to her

As an aunt/uncle it is nice to treat if you can outside of special occassions but I would do this through experiences e.g. crazy golf, cinema trip etc but you said she is a bit brattish so can understand not wanting to do that!

You just say no and that you can’t afford it. That’s it.

Why don’t you just say no?

Don't be available when they come round for a start.

Then learn to say No!

The niece is a child. The OP is an adult. All of the other adults have said no, but the op says yes - why would BIL/SIL say no if they think OP is ok with taking her?

@crossroads1 nobody knows you don't want to take her, including the niece, BIL and SIL. If you don't want to take her, don't! If you do take her, stop complaining (nobody else is going to say no for you - if you aren't happy with the situation, change it).

So what if she wants it? She’s a teenager . Wanting nice things doesn’t mean she’s entitled. You sound really unpleasant. You obviously don’t like her. Are you scared of her? Resentful? You’ve been given so many good suggestions of how to deal pleasantly with her but you just keep adding more and more examples of how dreadful you think she is.

I can't understand why she wants to go to Costa or Starbucks, their coffee is awful, so weak. I second you get the branded sachets and make them at home. You could also get some nice biscuits for less than you'd pay out.

She asks to go for coffee, you say no and stick to it.
She asks for expensive gifts, you just laugh it off (and say no and stick to it).
She'll soon learn

This.

Yep. 13 year old is a child. What’s OP’s excuse? Spending so much time and energy slagging off a child says it all to me.

You simply say “of course babe but your dad will need to give you money for it or I can’t take you” while her parents are there and hearing what you say !! In fact say it TO the parents not to her .. it’s not her that’s doing this ❤️

I remember telling some students how much a TA earnt. They were horrified. They were doing a project and a night in their hotel was more than a TA earned in a month...

Explain to your niece that unfortunately you're not made of money and that she should be old enough now to know that not everyone has lots of money.

I stopped my own from acting this way by comparing them to Veruca Salt. If they started demanding things I'd ask them if they'd turned into her and say "Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa NOW". Stopped them in their tracks. If it were my niece, I'd be doing that every time she started whining for Starbucks trips.