To want some flex from family on childcare

[poppyseeds99]

We agreed with a relative that she would do pickups for my toddler at a new nursery one day a week. We had been using that evening to do a sports class each week. Relative announced 2 weeks ago that she would only pick up one day a fortnight (instead of each week) with very little notice or warning. This left me scrambling looking for cover with 12 hours notice last week. This week, I have a late work meeting that day so I've booked a sports class that's a bit later and asked if we could do a handover at 9pm (exceptionally). Relative went ballistic saying she is only doing pickup at 5 and then we have to come straight home from work. End result, we've cancelled the class and we're doing pickup. The thing is, relative insists they have to do the pickup anyway because they want time with our daughter - but only on their terms. AIBU to think about booking a babysitter who can just cover the hours we need?

I’m almost tempted to say reverse it’s so cheeky

A genuine CF.

Unless you are a single parent or have a partner who refuses to do any childcare you don't really have a problem

Never rent in childcare based on goodwill.

If you need to rest in it, pay for a professional service. Keep the rellies for ad hoc evenings out etc.

This must be a reverse.

YABVU to be cross with a family member who is doing you a favour.

YANBU to book paid childcare.

Yabu.

9pm pick up is too late for a nursery age child so wouldn't agree to that for a class either.

Surely one parent does early sports class and the other does 9pm one and child is at home?

Babysitter or gym with crèche

Why can’t your OH look after your child while you do a sports club? I provide childcare for both my children, once a week, while my children and their OHs work. It is a big commitment but we benefit as well. The grandchildren stay overnight sometimes as well but my children would never ever ask me to look after my grandchildren while they do an exercise class. Don’t you want to see your child in the evening?

Sorry OP. You are confusing necessary childcare, because both parents work, with 'babysitting' needed because you want to do something which comes under the heading of 'leisure'

Seems from what you have said, that your relative is happy to do the 'work' bit - i.e. pick up from school which gives them and DC some time together but feels it is enough time of coping, without tacking on all the extra work needed if they are watching DC until 9pm or later.

Either get a babysitter in for the gym class - or you go at one time and your DP goes at a different time, so you don't need a babysitter at all

The 9pm class for both you and DP is unreasonable.

If you're picking up after 9pm, that's not fair on your toddler. If you're relative is watching the toddler at yours, it's unfair to expect them to do pick up, dinner, bath, bedtime.

One of you needs to miss the class.

And maybe that's the relatives real issue - that neither of you will see your toddler all day.

That crossed my mind also

“Sorry OP. You are confusing necessary childcare, because both parents work, with 'babysitting' needed because you want to do something which comes under the heading of 'leisure'”

This.

Expecting someone else to put a toddler to bed every week so you can do a sports class is a big ask. Can't you & child's father just do sports on different evenings so one of you can get home for your child?

Also, it’s one thing to ask a relative to do regular childcare because you have to work. Entirely different if you are free and just feel like doing a sports class. I would not be happy at all if I were your relative.

Thank you all. To clarify I pay for childcare while I work full time. The only times this relative wants to see my child are in the evening - I have asked.

I don't think it is a luxury TBH. It's 1 hour, once a fortnight. We do it together as it cuts down the time we are away from our child.

Read this back...how on earth does leaving your child with a relative until 9pm and both going to the class after work achieve that? Surely not both attending at the same time would cut down on the time you were away from your child?

It's every other week.

Completely ridiculous that you expect someone to have your child until 9pm for an exercise class. You are taking the piss. Don’t go to the class is the simple solution.

We normally do an earlier class but for work reasons I was proposing to do a later class this week as a one off. Honestly, I think the replies on this threat have been a bit extreme. Lots of parent friends I know get regular help from family, we are on the (much) lower end of the spectrum at once a fortnight help for 3 hours.

Thank you, I think if you read the original post you will see that we would like to pay for a babysitter as the solution, but just worried this will offend the relative.

I don't think lots of replies have been extreme at all. Yes of course many parents get help from relatives but I don't know any that would do so simply so they could go to an excise class together. People generally use family childcare for work and attending appointments not so they can both have 3 hours off once a fortnight to go to a class they could easily take turns attending.

Jesus wept, I can’t get over the fact that you think it’s reasonable to collect your toddler aged child (2, 3?) at 9PM (so I assume they wouldn’t be in bed until at least 9.30pm earliest) so you can do an exercise class!! What planet are you on? The child should be in bed at least an hour earlier, if not 2, and if I was the relative I’d want to be vegging out by then. Take it in turns for one of you to take the poor kid home at a reasonable hour and do a Joe wicks or something FFS.