To want some flex from family on childcare

[poppyseeds99]

We agreed with a relative that she would do pickups for my toddler at a new nursery one day a week. We had been using that evening to do a sports class each week. Relative announced 2 weeks ago that she would only pick up one day a fortnight (instead of each week) with very little notice or warning. This left me scrambling looking for cover with 12 hours notice last week. This week, I have a late work meeting that day so I've booked a sports class that's a bit later and asked if we could do a handover at 9pm (exceptionally). Relative went ballistic saying she is only doing pickup at 5 and then we have to come straight home from work. End result, we've cancelled the class and we're doing pickup. The thing is, relative insists they have to do the pickup anyway because they want time with our daughter - but only on their terms. AIBU to think about booking a babysitter who can just cover the hours we need?

Even then it would STILL be unreasonable to change your plans to later because it suited you !! People HELPING you need to know when they are getting home … even people you pay !! ❤️

There’s nothing wrong in wanting to do exercise and there’s nothing wrong in asking a relative to stay longer.

Maybe relative reacting ‘ballistically’ was over the top. This was probably because the class was booked before arranging the childcare cover so there was an expectation that relative would cover.

However, op’s reaction in being cross that relative wouldn’t help is also unreasonable. If it cost her money, she shouldn’t have booked it without babysitting arrangements in place. As people have suggested, there’s lots of ways that op and dh could do their exercise - different nights etc. if they want a date night, arrange the babysitter first!

I do know that but was making a point about making judgements about people. As in: " but purchased a treadmill because I can't take children with me either on a run or to the gym - plus I actually like my family and want to be around them." "Don't be ridiculous. It's a hobby. I am sure loads of parents would love a member of family to let them go do their non essential hobby at 9pm at night.."

They went to extremes so I went to extremes. Sorry I didn't make it clear.

I have every Friday off work...I'm a childminder so have 3 under 5 from 7 to 6 plus school runs...on Fridays I drive to my son's for 8.30....at least 40 min drive to look after 2 year old twins and the 6 year old before driving home again at 6 ....on M25 so much longer on the way home. My son rings to check it's still okay every week and if they need anything changed like longer or different pick up from school they always check before agreeing to it. The recognise I have a life and may have things to do in an evening.
Sometimes I have things I need to do so can't make a Friday they never complain as they recognise I'm helping them earn money as much as I can.
I'd be devastated if I read a thread like this about me saying how unreasonable I was to need to leave early or cancel a Friday.

@jannier they must have a very understanding employer to appreciate that they can’t work because their childcare has fallen through?

No I've cancelled 3 times in 18 months one was illness so short notice...son used a day leave and twice for holiday booked over 8 months ahead..then 2 finishes at 4pm ..but they don't assume or get annoyed they are grateful childcare for twins would cost them £120 alone then school pick up. I work 44 hours over 4 days plus evening paperwork and training no breaks for lunch and I'm 60 with at least 7 years ahead ...so they appreciate it's hard work and tiering they don't play the you gave birth to me so owe me until you die card.

@jannier i wouldn’t call a planned holiday “cancelling”, it’s a planned event just like me taking annual leave would be.

my parents look after our child twice a week and they have planned holidays also which we are fully prepared for. Also perfectly reasonable to cancel due to illness. What wouldn’t be appreciated if my mum rang up one Sunday and said “sorry not doing childcare tomorrow because i fancy going shopping instead”. If she did that we would pay for full time childcare and that would be it, the arrangement would be over.

I guess that depends if paying was a viable option twins were a bit of a suprise....
But I doubt if you would just ring up and say oh your staying until 9pm on Friday because I'm at the gym .....that's total urine extraction

I feel as well that by calling and checking it's still okay they are showing consideration that actually I'm doing it to help them and unlike a gran visit it's bloody hard work. Tomorrow I'm taking two craft, playdo, scooping pouring activity and paint. We will have stories a walk and I'll do lunch and dinner they don't nap so it's a minimum 12 hour day no breaks.

This has got to be a joke, surely. OP you’re coming across as entitled. This family member is doing you a favour. Hire a nanny if you need someone to look after your child until hours after nursery pick up.