To ask DH to move to the guest room

[Rorymyers]

Ok hear me out
DH snores. And I don’t mean some nights. I mean every night. Two minutes into sleeping and he’s snoring and every breath is a loud snore.

it has always bothered me but I have coped for years.

now I have noticed When DH is away I get at least 8 hours sleep. When he’s in bed i’m getting max 6 because i’m constantly being woken up. I think this is unfair to me so I have asked DH to sleep in the guest room permanently.

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

if you can provide a REAL solution then I will be open to hearing it please.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

I am a light sleeper and constantly getting less sleep than I deserve.

I have used earmuffs, sleeping pills, etc but these are non sustainable. I’m really miserable about this and beginning to dread coming to bed at night. It’s affecting how I even feel towards DH as I think if roles were reversed I would seek a solution to the problem.

AIBU to ask him to move to the guest room permanently to enable me sleep?

Massive fan of having own bedrooms. Nothing to stop you getting together for a cuddle together when you want but for actual sleep, definitely have your own beds. Sleep is way too important to miss out on and the idea that we all must share a bed with someone forever is outdated! Get yourself your own room and nice space for sleeping OP

You must get him into the spare room, if he refuses, then you go.
Say that this could be temporary if he was a caring partner & adult enough to go to GP. There is no shame & he may prevent stroke/heart problems.
there will be no sex obviously if he refuses !

I lived with the Gold medal snorer for Europe, overweight & heavy drinker. he used to make remarks like, "you snore too sometimes", but the critical difference, was that I didn't keep HIM awake.
We had no spare room, I cannot wear earplugs, & also had babies, who then grew up & I felt it unsuitable to cut myself off from them. (He would never of heard them at night)
He was also massively selfish speading out like a starfish over the whole bed (massive bed) & rolling himself up in the duvet, so I had none.
He basically deprived me of having a whole night's sleep fo 34 years. He got into a massive sulk when I said he would have to sleep elsewhere/sofa
Anyway, he did start getting heart problems, already had BP & finally needed stents, at which point a PROFFESSIONAL said he had to do a sleep monitor. & surprise, surprise He had repeated apnea periods of over 60 seconds, I had told him he did this, & used to give him a shove to see if he was dead.
So then, He would only use the CPAP machine if I nagged him, & even then took it off in the night.
He has had a major stroke now, & we do finally have separate rooms (the DC have grown & left home.) as I am now a carer. & can finally sleep.

He now wears his CPAP machine !
yes I should have left him.

btw, are there any genius earplugs that I haven't tried ?

Why is it bizarre?

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores.

Equally, it's not your fault you can't 'cope' with his snoring. But at least you've tried everything you can think of!

Until/unless he can do something about his snoring, one of you needs to sleep in the spare room. The simplest solution may be for you to do so, as you can just do that without his cooperation, and make it as comfortable as you want.

Re earplugs - I don't like them, but when we're on holiday and having to share a room I use foam ones but crucially, smaller sized ones. DH got me a jarful from Amazon

He should be the one to move because he's the one causing the problem and refusing to do anything about it. But as he's not accepting any responsibility then it may be the OP who has to move.

I dream of a room of my own. DP snores and goes to the loo multiple times a night and flops heavily back down into the bed afterwards. Also reads his phone from 6am. I decamp to the pull out sofa twice a week when I can't cope any more

My husband now sleeps in the spare room due to his snoring. He takes responsibility, has tried various remedies, is slim, doesn’t drink much etc. It’s the only solution now and he isn’t a selfish dick.

Who is "bleating on about money"?

My other half snores... if I wake up due to it and can't handle the noise I simply take myself off to the sofa so I can get back to sleep. Rather then moan I'm not getting enough sleep.

Google 'somnowell'. It's a device made of titanium that my OH had fitted by a local dentist. It fits around teeth/jaw so that the lower jaw doesn't drop back into his throat so keeps his airways free. It is NOT cheap. Think it cost him £3k all in.

Cheaper than a divorce (that he was finally threatened with if he didn't get his snoring sorted).

If you want to damage your health like that that's your business. It has nothing to do with OP, who doesn't want to damage her health anymore.

Go into the spare room yourself. Make it fabulous. I move rooms most nights because I don’t want to disturb my Dh and he snores! My sense of smell has recently gone into overdrive, too, and I can’t stand it, so I just move.

OP, DH and I both snore, but I am worse apparently. (I don't have sleep apnea.) I asked DH a few questions about what position I was lying in etc and experimented with a few mouth guards - some from Amazon and some from the pharmacy - until I found a solid one that does the trick and stops my jaw from sliding backwards. Dentists also make them, though they cost a lot more. Would your DH try this? They aren't the most comfortable at first, but you do get used to them, and I actually find I sleep better with it in now.

This is the one I have https://www.amazon.ca/Snore-Guard-Anti-Snoring-Device/dp/B00HHZ164K/ref=sr_1_9?crid=2WUHYMN3WD2H1&keywords=mouth+guard+for+snoring&qid=1696953447&sprefix=mouth+guard+for+sno%2Caps%2C158&sr=8-9#customerReviews

The clear silicone ones you see on Amazon are too soft, so don't waste your money on those.

🤣🤣🤣

Just move to the guest bedroom.

DH and I are not compatible sleepers. I have my own room and sleep like a log every night. I don’t really care where a sleep as long as I actually get some sleep.

Yanbu x

What we have done is that I went into the less used room, and that is my own room. I love it. It's furnished just as I like, it's my/our space, and since we shifted, and he insisted I took over what was supposed to be the main bedroom, he is now the one that comes through for cuddles in the morning.

This has been made official in the last five years, was unofficially the way it was in the last 13 years, and we are still one very tight unit.

I cant offer a solution but I just wanted to say I feel for you. My husband snores like a wounded rhinobeast and I am constantly kicking him in the night. I stopped tracking my sleep as it was depressing me (average 2-4hrs a night before ear plugs) now get 4-6hrs a night with ear plugs. If we had a spare room I would be in it like a shot.

Agreed. OP hasn't answered that yet

I totally feel your pain re ear plugs, mine are the same, really sore by morning, have you given wax ear plugs a try? They mould to your ear canal as you put them in so are much more comfortable, they do work for me. For the record I'd be tempted to murder him in his sleep (Any self respecting judge would give you the insanity plea!)

Wrong thread maybe?

I would get some gorgeous new bedding and furniture and go and make the spare room lovely for yourself.

Two of my exes were incredibly sensitive about me bringing up their snoring.

First one, we didn't live together, and if I'd gone to the sofa in the night because of his snoring, then he would just leave the next day and give me the silent treatment (ironically!!)

The other I did live with and he refused to believe me about it and got incredibly abusive when I recorded it. I was then required to go to bed with him, wait until he fell asleep, then I could leave to the spare room for my sleep. Killed the love for me. I could also hear him through the wall but he prided himself on how he never needed doctors and that this was my problem.

I would be mortified if I was disturbing someone's sleep. I would do absolutely everything to rectify it and certainly never, ever blame the person my actions (albeit involuntary) were hurting. Sleep deprivation is a real issue and having the audacity to not give 2 shits, or worse, take offence, is staggering. So many knock on effects from not sleeping well. This is your life and your heath and happiness and he doesn't care.

I will NEVER share a bed with a man again. OP - he should absolutely be offering to move rooms but if he won't and it's not a dealbreaker (yet), then yes, make the spare the bedroom of your dreams and enjoy the peace.

Can’t you just sleep in the guest room? Make it your own.
My husband snored. Loudly. Every single night. We haven’t slept in the same bed in years. The one thing that solved it WAS actually going to the GP. Turns out he had sleep apnoea. He now sleeps with a machine and feels so more more rested.
if we had a guest room I would absolutely turn it into my own. We end up with one of us on the sofa!