To ask DH to move to the guest room

[Rorymyers]

Ok hear me out
DH snores. And I don’t mean some nights. I mean every night. Two minutes into sleeping and he’s snoring and every breath is a loud snore.

it has always bothered me but I have coped for years.

now I have noticed When DH is away I get at least 8 hours sleep. When he’s in bed i’m getting max 6 because i’m constantly being woken up. I think this is unfair to me so I have asked DH to sleep in the guest room permanently.

I don’t want anyone suggesting he sleep on his side, cut back alcohol, lose weight etc as he has done all that and nothing has worked He has refused to see the GP.

if you can provide a REAL solution then I will be open to hearing it please.

He thinks I should find a way to cope with it as it’s not his fault he snores. He has no problem falling and staying asleep amidst his thunder snores.

I am a light sleeper and constantly getting less sleep than I deserve.

I have used earmuffs, sleeping pills, etc but these are non sustainable. I’m really miserable about this and beginning to dread coming to bed at night. It’s affecting how I even feel towards DH as I think if roles were reversed I would seek a solution to the problem.

AIBU to ask him to move to the guest room permanently to enable me sleep?

Ear plugs. Work for me when I'm away with my mum who due to COPD is a loud snorer.

Always flushes them out these threads....

My husband is exactly the same. Nasal strips, nasal sprays, different sleeping positions, mouth guard things, he's tried them all. Like your husband, mine thinks I should find ways to cope with the noise (it can be heard in every room of the house, including the kitchen). He's been sleeping in the spare room for a couple of years now

YANBU to ask him to move and/or to seek help, but you would be unreasonable if you tried to force him out if he doesn’t want to move.

Separate bedroom sleeper and light sleeper here. DH is a heavy sleeper, snores, and wakes me up every time he has to use the loo in the (his) en-suite in our bedroom on the second floor. I sleep in the spare room on the first floor with a fan on to cancel noise since I can hear his snoring from above and because I run warm (he runs cold). I only snore if I have a cold or nose becomes stuffy. I put on a breathe right strip and a bit of Vicks vapour rub and it’s usually sorted.

He wasn’t keen at first, said it felt like we were roommates, but I pointed out that unless he’s going to stop drinking alcohol before bed (makes his snoring worse) and sleep on his side (doesn’t snore on his side, but says it hurts his shoulders despite him naturally rolling onto them and staying there) instead of his back, he wasn’t giving me much choice and I deserve sleep just as much as him.

We both get sleep and I have the spare room the way I like it. Issue only arises when we have family staying and they use the guest room.

Real solution = CPap

Funny how not one person who I know in real life has ever said I snored even for once. But dear @Ahjaysus23 on MN has superpowers to know I snore.

Aww bless. Nothing wrong with snoring as long as it’s not bothering anyone else.

@WinterDeWinter my ears hurt from using ear plugs, no joke. Like they’re so sore in the morning I can barely use my earphones for music.

Isn't the CPAP quite noisy though. Better for the snorer but not much better for the other person. I'm a light sleeper and my husband makes other funny noises - like puffing - which keep me awake.

No not really. It’s not silent, obviously but more like heavy breathing than a full on train approaching. Husband has had one for about 25+ years now, doesn’t bother me in the least.

One of you needs to move rooms. I would maybe say to your dh he needs to move in there until he sees a GP to find out what the cause is. Once you know what is causing the snoring, either it's sorted and you can continue to sleep in the same room, or you need to have a discussion about who moves room.

Heavy breathing would keep me awake

Pretty much everyone I know sleeps separately. It's so much better for sleep quality. If you have the option, why wouldn't you?

I´m the same. I also can´t use earbuds / in-ear headphones. they simply hurt.

I don’t know why you’re making this so complicated. You move to the spare room.

YANBU! I didn't realise how bad my sleep was until my husband got his CPAP and I felt like I had my first restful night of sleep in years!

Sleep apnea can be also be caused by the brain not sending signals to the breathing muscles or the shape of the throat, etc. So losing weight doesn't always sort it.

Mine isn't. It's very quiet and only puffs or hisses if the mask seal isn't good.

Usually rectified with a wash with face wash as the oils that collect on it can affect how well the seal sticks.

I find my clip on fan louder and DH said it's not loud at all.

Could possibly be Sleep Apnea? Is he still tired during the day, even when he's slept all night?

@Merryoldgoat how did you get the CPAP machine and how long did it take?

I'm a light sleeper and my husband makes other funny noises - like puffing - which keep me awake.

So the actual problem is that you are a light sleeper and him trying to fix the snoring won't actually solve anything..?

I think the onus is on you to move in to the guest room tbh. He seems quite happy where he is and it's you that wants something different to the status quo,

An embarrassingly short amount of time.

I went to the doctor who referred me after I completed a screening questionnaire and had an appointment at the hospital for a sleep study about 3 weeks later, then a month after that I had my CPAP appointment to get my machine.

The reason it was so quick was it was during covid and they said that it was a very low-touch intervention so they didn't really have to curtail operations and they were getting fewer referrals, but generally speaking, it's one of the quicker referrals generally at St George's which is where I'm seen.

Also, the screening questionnaire I was given by the doctor only had me down as 'moderate' and borderline for a referral but I was so tired she thought it best to refer. It turned out I was having over 35 episodes an hour which is actually severe and the CPAP has been lifechanging.

I am very overweight but I have ALWAYS snored badly, even at much much lower weights as I had massive tonsils (now removed) and a very high palate (that's still there).

I moved to the other room for a year to give him a chance to sort the snoring. Now we live separately as I asked him to move out. He finally moved his arse to the doctors once we split. We are still seeing each other but I don't think we will ever be back to where we were as there is too much indifference now on my side and I moved past resentment and checked out. Snoring is involuntary but not trying to change it is selfish behaviour!

This is useful to know. Happy that you got such a quick referral, I was thinking it would take months / years waiting list.

Wow! How odd