Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend abroad staying but taking advantage

164 replies

icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 08:22

Had a close friend to stay from Itay but I feel taken advantage off and struggling with it.

Had to drive 3.5 hours due to strikes to pick up from airport to bring back here which I didn't mind
I have driven around for five days to various places they chose, paid for parking/fuel.
Friend hasn't offered to give fuel money or said/even offered to pay for parking. I did ask but they declined.
no offer of even buying me a coffee. I'm a single mum who works full time they have no kids, I had to save for this weekend (just a caravan holiday). My kids with their dad as it's his time with them.

At the accommodation- I've had to cook, constantly wash up and made drinks (even when I've clearly gone to just make me a coffee I've been asked to make them one. I've also cooked

I bought them a small gift but due them buying tons of stuff here bought they have said they cannot take it with them and for me to keep it as a memory which hurt

I declined to drive them three hours back as train strikes over so dropping off at local station but first of all chauffeuring around today to more attractions
I feel bloody pissed off and exhausted to be honest. I hate conflict but I'm struggling today to be normal. I wonder if it's a cultural thing- come from Italy. Counting down the hours.
AIBU

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/10/2023 08:24

You’ll not do it again, that’s for sure !

Ponoka7 · 09/10/2023 08:26

How was this arranged, do they think that you offered to host, rather than it being a catch up? In what way are they a close friend but just says no when asked to contribute? It's been a piss take.

Berthatydfil · 09/10/2023 08:27

“Friend hasn't offered to give fuel money or said/even offered to pay for parking. I did ask but they declined.”

At that point should you have said that you declined to carry on paying so the trips out would end?

Kitkatcatflap · 09/10/2023 08:30

Has this friend got form for this kind of behaviour? That is so rude, cannot believe he said 'no' to paying the parking. Did you ask directly or was it a hint? Good for you dropping them off at the station.

nibblessquibbles · 09/10/2023 08:30

This person is clearly a CF. But you are being a doormat (sorry). Why are you driving them everywhere without any contribution for petrol etc? When they declined on the first day, then you should have said sorry I can't afford to keep driving you places.
Not much you can do now but I'd not be driving them around any more !

Octonaut4Life · 09/10/2023 08:32

So just stop! If they ask you to make them a drink for the hundredth time just say " oh lovely, if you're having a drink then can you make both please as I did the last lot"... Etc

GimmeGin · 09/10/2023 08:33

They are CF. How can they just “decline” when you asked for a contribution?

most friends would offer money in advance before being asked. They aren’t true friends. Don’t offer your hospitality again.

EvilElsa · 09/10/2023 08:34

If they refused to help with parking and fuel costs then you tell them you can't afford to ferry them around anymore and they will have to make their own way. They are rude, nothing to do with cultural differences. I'd say no if they ask you to make a coffee alongside yours! Goes both ways.

StillWantingADog · 09/10/2023 08:34

How on Earth does anyone decline if you ask for a contribution

of course they’re a CF

you have indeed been massively taken advantage of. Drop them off and never host them again.

Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 08:36

I don't like conflict and I feel bad as she is alone here. Should have made it clear about her contributing but I thought was obvious to split it so that was my mistake.

I feel so hurt over the gift and Indeed everything can't wait to get home

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 09/10/2023 08:37

How long do you have left? Can you feign illness and leave early?

BMW6 · 09/10/2023 08:37

What!
How on earth have you allowed this freeloader to use you like this?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 09/10/2023 08:37

Do you mean you asked them directly to give you money for fuel and parking and they said no?? If so then you should have said that you wouldn't be able to use your car to take them anywhere else. Total CF! Glad you're not taking them the long drive back!!

Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 08:38

We stayed in accommodation split half but this was before I had to use £50 petrol to get them I thought May offer the fuel or something off the price but as soon as I got them was made to drive to cash point to get my half out

I feel sick with exhaustion and back to work tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 08:39

Yes asked directly

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 09/10/2023 08:44

But how did they refuse to pay for parking, etc?

Did they just outright say no?

SoIinvictus · 09/10/2023 08:49

I think it depends on expectations beforehand. And how well you know somebody.

On the surface, yes, she seems to be a CF. Obviously.

But my friend is coming to stay with me next week (I'm in Italy as it happens) and I won't be asking her for any contribution because she's my guest and I invited her. Likewise when I stay with her. Now this is my best friend, and we've known each other for decades.

Is she Italian? Because generally, there isn't this "splitting things exactly" expectation if you're staying with someone/hosting someone.

summerinthebigcity · 09/10/2023 08:54

The way you describe it they sound v cheeky. But is it possible that they saw paying for the flight as their contribution to your spending this time together? Have you visited them / offered to visit them? Was it their or your idea to go to all these places by car? (you say they chose where but who decided on sight seeing in the first place vs just catching up / going for walks)

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 09/10/2023 09:05

I don't like conflict

Most people don't but there are times you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself or you'll be walked over.

twiirlywoo · 09/10/2023 09:19

You're letting the take advantage of you. You can say no and leave if you're not comfortable.

Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 09:19

No we both went half's on a caravan....petrol car parking food I'd have assumed half's and wouldn't have thought to raise this as to me it's obvious
She choose where we went

OP posts:
Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 09:20

This absolutely wasn't my idea to go to these places. It's very very rural here no public transport a car is essential

OP posts:
Rewis · 09/10/2023 09:25

I did ask but they declined.
So you said "yo CF, your turn to pay for petrol" and they said "no thank you" and you both just moved on with your day?

Original poster
icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 09/10/2023 09:40

@Rewis unfortunately what else can I do?

OP posts:
MacarenaMacarena · 09/10/2023 10:03

Plan your visit to hers asap, with full expectation of same level of hosting. Do it while it's fresh in both your minds!

Swipe left for the next trending thread