Friend abroad staying but taking advantage

[icantthinkwhatusernametouse]

Had a close friend to stay from Itay but I feel taken advantage off and struggling with it.

Had to drive 3.5 hours due to strikes to pick up from airport to bring back here which I didn't mind
I have driven around for five days to various places they chose, paid for parking/fuel.
Friend hasn't offered to give fuel money or said/even offered to pay for parking. I did ask but they declined.
no offer of even buying me a coffee. I'm a single mum who works full time they have no kids, I had to save for this weekend (just a caravan holiday). My kids with their dad as it's his time with them.

At the accommodation- I've had to cook, constantly wash up and made drinks (even when I've clearly gone to just make me a coffee I've been asked to make them one. I've also cooked

I bought them a small gift but due them buying tons of stuff here bought they have said they cannot take it with them and for me to keep it as a memory which hurt

I declined to drive them three hours back as train strikes over so dropping off at local station but first of all chauffeuring around today to more attractions
I feel bloody pissed off and exhausted to be honest. I hate conflict but I'm struggling today to be normal. I wonder if it's a cultural thing- come from Italy. Counting down the hours.
AIBU

Unfortunately I made it clear at beginning costs would need to be shared I'm a single mum I'd dearly love to be financially in the position.
I don't do well face to face but I will send an email when she has gone

I think the cultural difference argument stops working when she was asked directly and she said no. It is one thing not to offer. But whole other thing to say no when asked and also declining a gift. And they weren't even staying at op's house. I don't claim to be am expert in Italian culture but I'm fairly confident that this is not the Italian way.

Small gift

You made this known from the beginning and you still weren't respected! Omg. She needs to be gone like a long time ago.

This morning just stuck in £60 fuel which normally last me with work about 2.5 weeks
A full tank with drive to Heathrow which is a big drive it's last four days and I drive an economical car
I feel mugged off

I would write to her openly again. Tell her how much this holiday cost you (petrol/food/whathever) [ I would exclude your coffees] and ask her directly. For foregoners certain phrases in English sound differently when translated.
I mean do that only if you are keen to carry on with this friendship.

And say. "Please forward me £.... amount as I didn't expect to spend that money from my own pocket."

At that point I'd have packed my car up, gone home and left her to sort herself out.

As I don't mind conflict I'd have told her what I thought of her first

You were.

But I don't understand how grown adults, who have a family and hold down a job can let people get away with so much

I wouldn't want to clap eyes on her again!

She doesn't sound like a very good friend at all tbh. And she definitely doesn't respect you very much. If I go out with my friends it doesnt even need agreeing that we will be splitting the costs, I transfer them money without them even needing to ask and vice versa.
You need to speak to her again about this, explain that you agreed to share the costs so she owes you X amount. If you don't like confrontation then send her a message after shes left. But dont back down.
If she refuses, then id be saying unfortunately the friendship will not be moving past this and its time to say goodbye. Its not even about the money after that, its about the respect and treating your friends in the correct manner.

I lived in Itly and they are generally respectful and generous. I dont think it a cultural thing. However, book a cheap flight to their area and enjoy the Italian food and scenery if you can stay with her for free :)

Just email her and ask directly and say it has cost you more than you thought and ask her for X amount, La doce vita aint free no more.

She did have the cost of the flights so maybe she thought that was her contribution in coming to you?

If you don't want to be friends you don't have to be :)

What else you could do is grow a spine bone! Tell her she is taking the piss. You said your a SM and had to save to pay for this yet your ALLOWING her to sit back while you pay, cook, clean etc? Can you not see this for what it is? I woulda packed up my stuff already and left the CF too it on her own. Pals don’t do that to each other and your being silly and quite honestly a big of a shit bag to not open your mouth.

Halves. 👍**

What else can you do? Well, you can say "It won't be much of a holiday for you hanging around the caravan.' then either you put your feet up and stay put or you drive off without her.

CF = cheeky fucker, OP. Your ex-friend is a CF of the very highest order. How have you managed to be such close friends for all this time without ever realising she’s like this?!

You keep saying 'I was made' to do X -- pick up 3.5 hours' drive from airport, do all the cooking, . You weren't. You chose to because you 'don't like conflict'.

Look, OP, I do feel for you as your evident exhaustion seeps through your posts, and her behaviour in the abstract seems outrageous, but you need to acknowledge your part in this dynamic.

For instance, what did you say when she refused to share costs when you asked? This was the obvious point where you say 'Look, as I said before your visit, I'm on a tight budget -- I can't absorb these costs. If you don't go halves, I am going home.'

If you hadn't picked her up she would have had to pay for trains (or a taxi) so outright refusing to pay towards petrol when she's saved money is beyond rude. When you have met up before have you just covered your own costs, or taken turn about to pay?

It depends. A few places where I’ve been abroad especially to USA, it’s been assumed by the friend that, the friend is treating me despite me trying to pay. One time I tried to pay once and then got a comment about “why wasn’t I paying?” afterwards so then I paid! Now I’d always check, we’re going halves right or do you want money for gas (for that it’s mostly no). But say if you’re at a supermarket I’d say, oh I have tea with skimmed milk and if I tried to pay or buy that separately they’d be “oh no we’re getting that!”.

I think this person is rude as you have said you’re splitting ex costs and they’ve just said no.

It’s also strange and rude as they’ve asked you to go to very rural places which you wouldn’t often go to and you can’t force them to use their debit card/cash.

DFOD.

I’ve just seen she refused your small gift and had an inheritance.

Definitely bin the friendship. She is beyond rude and mean.

Dear Mate,

Hope you have arrived safe and sound back home, it was hectic few days!

As you know I am a single parent on a low fixed income, and as much as I was looking forward to you coming, and spending time in your company I was left feeling really sad as you did not financially contribute fairly and I am considerably out of pocket now. Specifically......(list examples)

What are your thoughts on this?

All the best
OP

Why did you drive there? Say no.