Friend abroad staying but taking advantage

[icantthinkwhatusernametouse]

Had a close friend to stay from Itay but I feel taken advantage off and struggling with it.

Had to drive 3.5 hours due to strikes to pick up from airport to bring back here which I didn't mind
I have driven around for five days to various places they chose, paid for parking/fuel.
Friend hasn't offered to give fuel money or said/even offered to pay for parking. I did ask but they declined.
no offer of even buying me a coffee. I'm a single mum who works full time they have no kids, I had to save for this weekend (just a caravan holiday). My kids with their dad as it's his time with them.

At the accommodation- I've had to cook, constantly wash up and made drinks (even when I've clearly gone to just make me a coffee I've been asked to make them one. I've also cooked

I bought them a small gift but due them buying tons of stuff here bought they have said they cannot take it with them and for me to keep it as a memory which hurt

I declined to drive them three hours back as train strikes over so dropping off at local station but first of all chauffeuring around today to more attractions
I feel bloody pissed off and exhausted to be honest. I hate conflict but I'm struggling today to be normal. I wonder if it's a cultural thing- come from Italy. Counting down the hours.
AIBU

Sorry these folks are unkind/inconsiderate but some of this is on you too.

You did not set a boundary- so they are taking it all.

But also, these are not your friends.

Sorry.

There is an art to being a good host, but likewise there is an art to being a good guest.

If they genuinely won’t let you pay for anything, then you contribute in other ways.

You absolutely do not just shrug and accept their hospitality - that’s awful.

To be honest, you both sound as bad as each other

It sounds as though your friend has made the effort to come over specifically to spend time with you. This is something that you have arranged together - it's not her asking to come over as a holiday, doing her own thing and just using you as a hotel.

From this standpoint, she has already contributed to your week together by paying for flights. It seems pretty tight of you to then expect her to pay half the petrol costs as well.

On the other hand, it's rude of her to expect you to do all the cooking etc. It's also seems very odd that refused to pay when directly asked. Maybe she misunderstood what you were asking.

🌺

OP you have a chronic case of people pleasing. I've been there, done it my whole life, as has my bestie. She is taken advantage of a lot and it makes me really cross. Your post hit home with me.
Is do what 10:03 (as you've been putting it) aka Macarena Macarena suggested and book a trip to see them with the same level of expectation they clearly have.
I'd also bring up with them how you feel. It's hard to tell someone they have upset you by their behaviour but it is vital. And please remember, as my therapist taught me, "No, is a full sentence".

I can assure you , being Italian , that it is not a cultural thing . Rude people are to be found all over the world .

I don't know if it is a cultural thing because I only have one example to compare it to, but distant family visited from Italy and it was basically just how you described. However, I've been a guest of someone in Italy, and they were by far the most incredible and generous host I've ever experienced.

icantthinkwhatusernametouse

I've no idea if it's cultural but I doubt it.

It has happened to me with 'friend' who comes from another country but lives in UK. I think some people simply are parasites who are born with an entitled attitude and who use others all their lives. It took me years to shake free of this one who would come back every so often when she saw me as useful for some situation she was in.

Congratulations on surviving and finding out what this person is actually like. It might help you recognise the same trait in others in time to keep clear of them before they take advantage of you. As an older person, I can certainly ascertain that there are plenty of these people about! I must admit I love being on my own now! It is just so peaceful!

That's what I thought. I have worked with many Italian people and love going to Italy and I genuinely find Italians kind and generous and very keen to help if I need it. I remember one lady who worked in a Bank in Milan not just giving me directions, but coming out of the Bank and walking with me down the street until I could see the destination I needed!

Many years ago I stayed with my eldest who had gone to Hong Kong with her intended who worked there. This post has made me start to feel - yet again - so guilty about how she looked after me, paying for trips, taking me out, she was incredibly generous and I have never stopped wishing I could have done something special to show her how much I appreciate her loving kindness. I've felt like this for over 20 years now!

Zombie thread!

There are some people in this world who are takers. Others who are givers. Givers must learn when to draw the line.

The present thing is unforgivable, let alone the rest. Absolute freeloading pox.

Wtf dug this up?