Friend abroad staying but taking advantage

[icantthinkwhatusernametouse]

Had a close friend to stay from Itay but I feel taken advantage off and struggling with it.

Had to drive 3.5 hours due to strikes to pick up from airport to bring back here which I didn't mind
I have driven around for five days to various places they chose, paid for parking/fuel.
Friend hasn't offered to give fuel money or said/even offered to pay for parking. I did ask but they declined.
no offer of even buying me a coffee. I'm a single mum who works full time they have no kids, I had to save for this weekend (just a caravan holiday). My kids with their dad as it's his time with them.

At the accommodation- I've had to cook, constantly wash up and made drinks (even when I've clearly gone to just make me a coffee I've been asked to make them one. I've also cooked

I bought them a small gift but due them buying tons of stuff here bought they have said they cannot take it with them and for me to keep it as a memory which hurt

I declined to drive them three hours back as train strikes over so dropping off at local station but first of all chauffeuring around today to more attractions
I feel bloody pissed off and exhausted to be honest. I hate conflict but I'm struggling today to be normal. I wonder if it's a cultural thing- come from Italy. Counting down the hours.
AIBU

Wouldn't even have driven her to the train station, I'd have told her to get a taxi the cunty fucker!

It's not a cultural thing. Our Italian friends are kind, generous to a fault and would never do this. Send her an email outlining how disappointed you are in her behaviour (mostly to get it off your chest - I doubt she'll give you any money now) and then stop all contact with her. She's clearly a CF and not a friend.

I've been treated by wealthy friends in Us but bring loads of gifts with me and take them out to dinner (even if I have to leave the table early to get the bill before they do). If someone visits me from abroad I often treat them on the assumption that they've spent a lot of money coming to visit me. But if I was actually asked.... I'd be mortified!!!!! There is zero excuse for not sharing chores.

the friendship is provably over. For that reason yoh have nothing to loose. Explain thst you were very hurt that she did not share chores or money and seemed to think your job was tj facijitate her holiday. Explain that yoh can't afford to pay for her share and ask her tj send you the money. Maybe she'll apologise. If sue doesn't it's over anyway.

Just a I've spent £55 on petrol...please could you possibly help me with the cost?

Going against the general consensus here - but how much was her flight? I imagine that she has paid more than £50 for getting to airport her end & a return flight. So I don't think it's unusual for the one hosting to go & collect.

It's rude that she gave gift back.

I think a caravan holiday is more the sort of thing you do with family in tow. So I would imagine you needed to get out & about to find things to do. Maybe she would have preferred city break?

She's had her flight and some train tickets to pay for, have you offered half of those? Sounds like she always come to uk to see you not the tot her way around, so that should be a shared expense if so

She sounds stingy and unkind.

I'd have done the same.

'No' doesn't pay my bills. She covers her half or she's on her own for the rest of her 'holiday'

I don’t think it’s cultural. Even though in many cultures including my own, host assume all costs I’ve always found that people will still offer to pay for something. This even happens when everyone knows the host will say no.

She is a bit shameless, you were upfront about your financial situation beforehand and actually asked her for a contribution. Her reaction to the gift is really tactless as well.

Not normal for the Italians I know.

Is she Italian or British?

in some countries, it’s the norm that the host pays for everything.

She may not realise how expensive fuel is here. She’s just spent hundreds on a flight and might be thinking you paying for fuel balances it out.

Did she give you a thank you gift?

I imagine that she has paid more than £50 for getting to airport her end & a return flight. So I don't think it's unusual for the one hosting to go & collect.

But OP isn't hosting- there are in a shared caravan. I too assumed OP was hosting at first but even then I think OP's 'friend' is rude. When they are expecting OP to tidy up after them too, it's definitely CFery rather than any kind of mismatched expectations.

At that point I'd have packed my car up, gone home and left her to sort herself out.

Honestly this. It sounds shit, nowhere close to a holiday. I think you are mad to still be tidying up and chasing around after her @icantthinkwhatusernametouse

I am finding it hard to understand cleary what you are saying in 1st paragraph.

Why didn't you just leave.

The next time she mentions coming in January, state “January? No. I can’t afford that. I’m still paying off the debt I incurred the last time you were here when you refused to pay your share.”

@jenpil

You had a choice there -

(1) notice the typo and ignore it

or (2) be a smart ass, point it out and kick someone when they're already feeling down

You chose (2). What does that say about you?

I'd say nothing now, and when she suggests January, offer to go to her instead and on arrival let her pay for everything.

The problem arises if she pays for herself, or leaves you sitting in her home all day doing nothing - then it will be awkward.

Not defending your friend but maybe she thinks paying the airfare is her half of the meeting.

Oh OP what a disaster
“Friend” was clearly coming here for a jolly and to sight see. Not just to come and see you. She had loads of money for her OWN shopping. Its nothing to do with culture !

Ive had people take the piss out of me before. Now I look at it as money spent of them was money I could have spent on my own kids or grandson ! Never again 😡

CF to blatantly refuse to pay you half of the costs 😳

Id have to send CF a formal but polite email setting out your costs and exhaustion and asking for her fair share.

If she refuses, file this “friendship” in the bin 💐 xx

I've been abroad with a Canadian and American friend to both their homes and travel around their areas. I've had the most expensive outgoings due to.flights.

The Canadian expected shared cost for everything except food at her house. The American helped me with costs, didn't ask for fuel costs but expected shared contribution for accommodation food out, but not food at her house.

It is my turn next. I'm probably going to expect us to share accomodation and fuel costs and eating out if we tour.
I won't expect help with at home food costs or local journeys.

I live in Italy and most of my friends are Italian. When we go on a trip in the car together we share fuel and motorway costs. We also split restaurant/aperitivo bills equally or else put the same sum in a kitty. Even with my Roman friends who are very generous and hate splitting bills we alternate who pays for what. You pay one day, I pay the next time etc. I do have friends who go all out and won’t let me put my hand in my pocket, but then I return the favour or buy them a huge gift.

your grabby friend is not typical of how things are done in Italy. Especially when she said no when you asked for petrol money. That is not culturally acceptable here. She’s just a grabby cow. I had a friend a bit like that, she’d convinced herself I’d had an easier life than her and was therefore much better off than her and by extension owed her (she once let her kids rampage my DD’s room and try to take home toys they fancied), but she really was the exception and, I suspect, it wasn’t linked to her being Italian, just a prize CF.

if you want to write a note to her in Italian, so no misunderstandings, I’d be happy to help 😝

Definitely go and stay with her asap

While it sounds good in theory, you just know if the OP shelled out to go to Italy, her friend would be tighter than a chicken’s arse. I bet there’d be no free travel, free cooking and tourism at the other end.

She said no.

I mean, you’ve got to laugh.

If she texts asking if you’re still on to host in January, you at least know how to answer her.