Son opened my birthday chocs

[Newbieatthis]

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

It's interesting that you describe it as "embarrasing", this "squabbling over food" as you call it? Were you maybe a bit short in your house growing up or have lots of siblings who would eat any spare food before you got to have seconds?

There were a lot of mouths to feed in DH's family home growing upand not loads of treats. They had to share a single Mars Bar between 4 kids, for , and eat quickly if they wanted seconds of anything, for example. He now (when we are lucky enough to have treats whenever we want) tends to see any discussion about which is someone's fair share as a bit cringe. Maybe it's because for him it's associated with a feeling of someone going without or being a bit hungry, or just being the least pushy one who lost out because they didn't stand up for themselves?

Whereas for me growing up, we were lucky and never short of food, always had plenty of seconds or treats etc, so for me, discussing who has the last packet of something was more of a discussion about making things fair and equal and as kids we'd do deals eg "I'll let you have the last aero if I can have the last crunchie" etc No-one went without. Giving someone special chocolates as a birthday was definitely seen as just something for the birthday girl/boy as everyone else had treats freely available most days anyway so we wouldn't have dreamed of taking their special chocolates.

Glad to hear it’s been resolved and all is good. Nothing beats getting a hug from your son and a clean slate. (And you get your chocs!). Hope you offer him one. 🙂

No it wasn’t 🙂

Ah, OK, @willWillSmithsmith - thanks for confirming and apologies for the misunderstanding.

@CurlyhairedAssassin check the post, it's not mine

I get it, it's the principle however it's still quite a trivial thing to be upset about. It's just a box of bloody chocolates . He tried to make the situation right by buying a replacement. He's a 16 year old lad. I really don't think he has a bloody clue weather its cadbury dairy milk or hotel chocolat . Tell him it was wrong to eat them without asking. Making a post about it is extremely over dramatic

Quite. The sort of men who ridicule their wives for getting upset over their inconsiderate and selfish behaviour. 'Its just a...(insert whatever thing it was that was important enough for them just to take or do, whilst simultaneously apparently not being important enough for their wife to mind them taking or doing).

Omg what sorry? I really don’t want to sound rude but this is pathetic. My son can have my chocolate birthday or any gift any day any age no permission needed. I can’t even imagine having a conversation saying why did you eat my chocolate to my son…

It’s a child with a half developed brain. He probably put about a quarter of a seconds thought into it.

Part of our job is to be the adults in the situation and to realise that people make mistakes. Remind them the mistake they made and move on. This seems overly punitive and a bit horrible

How about the cash in your wallet? Or the keys to your car? Where do you draw the line?

I’m sorry, but I really despair about the posters who are teaching their kids to have no boundaries and an endless sense of ‘It’s not mine but I want it, so I’ll have it.’

This wasn’t a bar of Dairy Milk the OP picked up from the corner shop, it was a fucking birthday present. Jesus Christ.

Well, now you know what to buy for his birthday.

What aboutery rarely helps debate

I mean he's 16, not 6, he'll have known this was out of order when he did it. YANBU. I'm not sure why this isn't a unanimous AIBU!

‘Posh chocs’ 🤮

Punitive? Really? Honestly, putting something right that you've done wrong is surely the moral and most responsible action. Would you not want your child to stop and think, then do the right thing?

I'm so relieved someone else thinks that. I'd be so disappointed in a teenager who could be bothered to buy their mother a birthday present. I'd rather have a badly done bit of craft than dad buying something for them to give me as a present from them.

yanbu

Immense thanks for your valuable contribution to the ‘debate’…

What a great update. You and your DP sound like great parents and your son a decent kid. Glad it all worked out. 😊

Was very happy to read your update, glad you got apology as well as proper replacement, and its good that DP also expalimed what the problem was re boundaries, belongings, and gifts.
Lessons been learned, you got a hug, all sorted.
X

OP I've been following this thread and all the responses. I'm pleased to read your update BUT...did DS pay for the replacements or did DP?

Yes, because it's the principle and because it can immediately be dealt with by placing an online order. Son is on control, he diesnt even have to get off his backside to sort it out. It takes under a minute to place an order.

Son paid, to clarify ( I checked with partner). Interesting variety of responses, but I think my favourite is Sandgroper and
the wet fish...
"I’ve said it here before and I will say it again.

Sometimes, teens need a gentle explanation of the ways of life but, sometimes, they need to be slapped in the face with a wet fish.

This is a wet fish occasion. A full on, embarrassing mum in front of his mates occasion. It’s time to let your imagination let rip in retaliation."

Made me actually laugh out loud, although I didn't actually go all wet fish on him, thanks Sandgroper.

So what were the posh chocolates, then?! Are we talking high-end supermarket brand, Hotel Chocolat or similar, or exclusive hand-made ones by a local chocolatier boutique?

I think substituting the item taken to test whether the poster would apply a principle consistently isn't whataboutery.

Taking without asking is stealing. Does that only apply if it's a high value item?

What value would have to be exceeded before the poster considered it a problem?

How do you teach children right from wrong if you apply some principles in an arbitrary way?

We're not talking about a mum unwilling to share chocolate or thinking that her son needs to ask permission to eat. These chocolates were given as a gift to the OP, they did not belong to her son, if he wanted some he could have asked. He felt entitled to help himself to something that did not belong to him, he needs to know that is wrong regardless of whether it's a few chocolates or a Rolex watch.

Not that posh but my bar is low.. Lindor as opposed to quality street. Available everywhere. Once opened I'm very happy to share by the way, just in case anyone thinks I hog the whole box. I've tried more expensive 📦 , like Hotel Chocolat but it's wasted on my palate, as I don't actually like them very much. I'm a cheap date really.