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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 10/10/2023 02:11

YANBU Your ds needs to learn some manners.

I love my ds and will usually go along with anything he wants but it is important, when he does go too far, to put my foot down and insist he puts things right.

Good for you. Don't give in.

twostraws · 10/10/2023 03:21

@Newbieatthis I am glad he finally got you a replacement and I agree this was a teaching moment.

My mum wouldn't have asked for a replacement. But she always took the last share, didn't make a big deal out of her birthday and always, always put us first. Now, many people reading this (most of the mums who have posted already) will think that makes my mum a terrific mum.

What it did was teach me subconsciously that women come last. It took me a long time to stand up for myself in relationships and in the workplace and demand equal rights and respect.

As a mum, it is important to teach your children that you - their mum, often the most important woman in their life when they are little - deserves to be treated well. It has so many implications if you don't, from increasing the gender pay gap to teaching little boys to be entitled men.

Good on you, OP. Your DS is still a teen and his brain is still being shaped. This moment is going to help shape his brain into remembering not to take women for granted and to afford them with the same respect he would like for himself. It was always so much more than a box of chocolates.

user1492757084 · 10/10/2023 04:04

This is a simple one for your son to fix and really make ammends. He needs to learn this lesson.

Hold out for him to replace the gift. Set him a date after which interest will accrue (one extra chocolate of the same kind every day)

Tourmalines · 10/10/2023 06:21

user1492757084 · 10/10/2023 04:04

This is a simple one for your son to fix and really make ammends. He needs to learn this lesson.

Hold out for him to replace the gift. Set him a date after which interest will accrue (one extra chocolate of the same kind every day)

Read her updates , it’s all been sorted .

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2023 06:40

That’s a great result.

luckylavender · 10/10/2023 06:52

I really couldn't get worked up about this. But then I don't think chocolates are a good gift. It's my least favourite thing to receive.

Sleepimpossible · 10/10/2023 06:59

I must live in an alternative universe. I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest.
Pick your battles!

rantinglunatic · 10/10/2023 07:03

Newbieatthis · 10/10/2023 00:44

Not that posh but my bar is low.. Lindor as opposed to quality street. Available everywhere. Once opened I'm very happy to share by the way, just in case anyone thinks I hog the whole box. I've tried more expensive 📦 , like Hotel Chocolat but it's wasted on my palate, as I don't actually like them very much. I'm a cheap date really.

All this over Lindor! Tragic!

StoatofDisarray · 10/10/2023 07:05

YANBU.

Padz · 10/10/2023 07:10

This thread just goes to show how different we all are.
I would be peeved that he opened my gift but if he bought me a replacement (cheap or not) I’d accept that, in my opinion they’re only chocolates!

Hibiscrubbed · 10/10/2023 07:31

If they’re Lindor, son has no excuse at all for not replacing them like for like. But I don’t think anything excuses him helping himself to someone else’s present. Regardless of value.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/10/2023 07:54

@Snkt

Omg what sorry? I really don’t want to sound rude but this is pathetic. My son can have my chocolate birthday or any gift any day any age no permission needed. I can’t even imagine having a conversation saying why did you eat my chocolate to my son…”

prove it

go and transfer half your savings to his account now.

go on

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/10/2023 07:55

@Padz

surely you must recognise that not all chocolates are equal? Some are better quality so therefore more expensive etc

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 10/10/2023 08:19

viques · 09/10/2023 17:29

I would be swooping down on anything he is eating / drinking and helping myself with gusto and very loud yum yum yum sounds. Forks optional.

Either that or I would be plotting my Christmas stocking revenge. Half emptied bottles of shower gel, a single sock, opened sweeties ………….

😂😂

godmum56 · 10/10/2023 08:22

ZolaBudd · 09/10/2023 20:08

It’s a child with a half developed brain. He probably put about a quarter of a seconds thought into it.

Part of our job is to be the adults in the situation and to realise that people make mistakes. Remind them the mistake they made and move on. This seems overly punitive and a bit horrible

Show quote history

And part of being an adult is to make the message stick. Requiring an apology and a replacement is a proportionate consequence.

Purplefriends · 10/10/2023 08:31

The other striking thing about this thread is the infantalisation of 16 year olds. He’s 16! That’s definitely old enough to know you don’t take people’s stuff without asking. He should have learn that well before puberty, tbh!

A psychologist friend told me current teenagers are behaviourally younger than they used to be. This thread has shown that this will be in part due to parental expectations that they behave well below their actual years. They can’t mature if we expect them to act immaturely.

My son’s nursery had higher expectations of children aged five and under. They always said ‘children are capable of more than we think’. 16 year olds are definitely capable of more than many on here think.

DriftingDora · 10/10/2023 08:36

ZolaBudd · 09/10/2023 20:26

What aboutery rarely helps debate

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And "What aboutery rarely helps debate" doesn't answer the question. It's just a cop-out because you can't think of an answer.

derxa · 10/10/2023 08:47

Newbieatthis · 10/10/2023 00:44

Not that posh but my bar is low.. Lindor as opposed to quality street. Available everywhere. Once opened I'm very happy to share by the way, just in case anyone thinks I hog the whole box. I've tried more expensive 📦 , like Hotel Chocolat but it's wasted on my palate, as I don't actually like them very much. I'm a cheap date really.

Lindor are 'posh chocs' now? Words fail me

Beeinalily · 10/10/2023 08:49

Plenty of people thinking it's okay for the son to help himself to Mum's chocolates, but if she nicked something out of his Christmas selection box I bet they'd have a shit fit! Anyway all's well that ends well, chocolates replaced and son now knows that Mum is not a doormat.

saraclara · 10/10/2023 08:52

derxa · 10/10/2023 08:47

Lindor are 'posh chocs' now? Words fail me

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You might like to check your privilege.

I'm glad you're financially comfortable enough to set your 'posh' bar higher. Not everyone is.

derxa · 10/10/2023 08:55

saraclara · 10/10/2023 08:52

You might like to check your privilege.

I'm glad you're financially comfortable enough to set your 'posh' bar higher. Not everyone is.

Show quote history

😂

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 10/10/2023 10:07

What it did was teach me subconsciously that women come last. It took me a long time to stand up for myself in relationships and in the workplace and demand equal rights and respect.

This is so important - and something that seems to be summarily missed by some of the people on this thread. When children are very tiny, of course they comprehend (as far as they are able) that adults (not just women, but a much higher proportion of child-carers tend to be women) 'come last', with their own needs being centred; but it's such a vital lesson that they have to be taught from a young age - that everybody matters, whether young or old, male or female.

Even long before the marrying stage, you can see the school bullies up and down the country who are allowed to grow up genuinely believing that what they want is all that matters, routinely making other 'unimportant' children's lives a misery.

beanii · 10/10/2023 11:27

YANBU.

It's rude to open someone's gift. I too would be annoyed.

beanii · 10/10/2023 11:30

I can't believe the amount of people thinking it's ok for him to take them.

Even at 4-5 my children understood what was theirs etc.

He's 16 - absolutely no excuse at all.

Snkt · 10/10/2023 13:39

I already do every month. Lol