Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son opened my birthday chocs

518 replies

Newbieatthis · 09/10/2023 01:32

I suspect IABU but.. recent birthday, chocs & flowers bought by DP as gifts from teen kids, all good so far. Came back in the afternoon to find son had opened my quite posh chocs and eaten some. I was surprised but he admitted it and I basically shoved the box in his direction and said you need to replace my birthday present, I don't want this opened box cos it was MY gift to open. Well, several days later he left a box of cheapo chocs in the kitchen, didn't say a word to me, but DP said they were for me. Gave them to son again and said I don't want this, I just want you to replace my bloody birthday present. Several more days and no action on my birthday chocs reappearing. He has money and time so I can only conclude he can't be bothered. It's not even about the bloody chocs but the principle of opening somebody else's gift, but AIBU?

OP posts:
Snkt · 10/10/2023 13:52

That’s very rude. Lindor are not posh. You get them at the supermarket. They are not posh. Someone saying that doesn’t mean they are rich lol

Snkt · 10/10/2023 13:53

You would embarrass your child in front of their friends if they opened your box of chocolate / your gift?
that is extremely worrisome

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:03

Your child eating your chocolate is theft? Seriously? These poor children. My dad taught me that generosity is very important. Why bring up kids teaching them how to be selfish, mean and tight? And being generous has nothing to do with money.
my son can have anything of mine. There’s nothing more important to me than him. I brought him into this world and I have to show him what a beautiful world it is. Not a world where his mum loses her marbles over a box of Lindor.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 10/10/2023 14:08

Your child eating your chocolate is theft? Seriously? These poor children. My dad taught me that generosity is very important. Why bring up kids teaching them how to be selfish, mean and tight?

No, her child helping himself to somebody else's chocolate - clearly a sealed present (which he should remember as he gave it to her) is wrong. I'm sure OP would have offered them around, once she had had chance to open HER present.

You do realise that generosity means giving, don't you - and not taking or being taken from? I can't just see my neighbour's bike leaning against their wall, ride off on it and then shout "Hey, don't you know it's important to be generous?!" if they call after me.

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:09

Because it’s pathetic. He’s 16. Her son.
Not the neighbours son or a stranger. It’s a box of chocolate. It didn’t cost £200.

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:12

Create a man that can do what he wants? No god forbid you create a secure comfortable teenager. One who’s confident at home and is treated with love and care. Over a box of chocolate. I genuinely feel for all the kids of mums saying they’d take something of theirs etc. that’s teaching them how to be petty and spiteful. I’d much rather have a child that takes my chocolate.

FOJN · 10/10/2023 14:46

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:12

Create a man that can do what he wants? No god forbid you create a secure comfortable teenager. One who’s confident at home and is treated with love and care. Over a box of chocolate. I genuinely feel for all the kids of mums saying they’d take something of theirs etc. that’s teaching them how to be petty and spiteful. I’d much rather have a child that takes my chocolate.

Well this is great and you can parent your child however you see fit at home but please make sure you remember to tell your child that, regardless of monetary value, the rest of society takes a pretty dim view of people who helps themselves to other people's property.

It's not about chocolate, it's not about money it's about respect for other people. Asking before taking is pretty basic good manners. Letting your child do whatever they like is not a measure of love and care. Preparing them to function as a decent member of society and teaching them to respect other people, even when it makes you unpopular, is loving and caring. Anything else is setting them up for failure and the painful realisation that not everyone will be as forgiving as mum when they behave in a selfish, entitled way. Lessons from loving parents will always be kinder than those issued by pissed off randoms in the real world.

twostraws · 10/10/2023 15:07

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:12

Create a man that can do what he wants? No god forbid you create a secure comfortable teenager. One who’s confident at home and is treated with love and care. Over a box of chocolate. I genuinely feel for all the kids of mums saying they’d take something of theirs etc. that’s teaching them how to be petty and spiteful. I’d much rather have a child that takes my chocolate.

If you have a son, you should really reframe your thinking.

All the awful entitled men were someone's cute little boy once. Once they're fully grown, it's hard to make them into decent people. Much easier to teach them women are worthy of respect when they're still of an age where their minds and opinions aren't yet fully shaped.

CharlotteBog · 10/10/2023 15:47

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:12

Create a man that can do what he wants? No god forbid you create a secure comfortable teenager. One who’s confident at home and is treated with love and care. Over a box of chocolate. I genuinely feel for all the kids of mums saying they’d take something of theirs etc. that’s teaching them how to be petty and spiteful. I’d much rather have a child that takes my chocolate.

You are spectacularly missing the point.
My sons know and respect what is mine in our home; whether it's something I've been given (chocolates), something fancy I've specifically bought for myself (my nice hair conditioner), or just stuff that's mine (my clothes, books or hair drier, bike lights).
They ask if they want to borrow something. They ask if I'm going to share my Birthday chocolates, DS2 knows he's welcome to borrow my hair drier but that he'll lose the right if he leaves it lying about.
I treat them and their possessions with the same respect.

DS2 did actually eat some sweets that my sister bought back for me from the US, BUT he didn't realise they were meant only for me. It was only a few sweets and he was sorry. Matter closed.

MyMiniMetro · 10/10/2023 16:18

There's an experiment about children, marshmallows and the inability for delayed gratification. This is like that. Roll your eyes and get on with life. In 5 years will this really matter? If your son were to end up in hospital tomorrow, how much would you regret all this?

CharlotteBog · 10/10/2023 16:39

MyMiniMetro · 10/10/2023 16:18

There's an experiment about children, marshmallows and the inability for delayed gratification. This is like that. Roll your eyes and get on with life. In 5 years will this really matter? If your son were to end up in hospital tomorrow, how much would you regret all this?

Edited

16 year olds?
I don't think so.
And letting everything go because...well we might all be dead tomorrow, isn't really a good way to live your life, not when it comes to manners and basic moral standards.

reallypuzzledoverthis · 10/10/2023 16:49

Maybe they just won't bother buying you anything next year after your major strop over a few chocolates - I get that its annoying but seriously?????
No pressie next year = no moaning next year, winner

CharlotteBog · 10/10/2023 16:53

reallypuzzledoverthis · 10/10/2023 16:49

Maybe they just won't bother buying you anything next year after your major strop over a few chocolates - I get that its annoying but seriously?????
No pressie next year = no moaning next year, winner

He didn't even buy them in the first place, the Dad did.
If he had bought them himself maybe he would have had a better sense of the value.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 10/10/2023 17:23

People on this thread really want OP punished for wanting a birthday present, don’t they? So far she’s had her son in hospital, dead, not getting her a gift ever again, abandoning her in a care home. All from a crowd who, in their protests that this isn’t the battle to pick/hill to die on/a big deal in the grand scheme, seem to have sons that do far worse things.

jannier · 10/10/2023 17:35

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:03

Your child eating your chocolate is theft? Seriously? These poor children. My dad taught me that generosity is very important. Why bring up kids teaching them how to be selfish, mean and tight? And being generous has nothing to do with money.
my son can have anything of mine. There’s nothing more important to me than him. I brought him into this world and I have to show him what a beautiful world it is. Not a world where his mum loses her marbles over a box of Lindor.

That's going to be lovely when he launches himself at other people's Christmas gifts under the tree

jannier · 10/10/2023 17:38

reallypuzzledoverthis · 10/10/2023 16:49

Maybe they just won't bother buying you anything next year after your major strop over a few chocolates - I get that its annoying but seriously?????
No pressie next year = no moaning next year, winner

Do you buy gifts for others? Do you receive gifts? If so do you just toss them on the table and say to the crowd rip them open and help yourself or do you expect some common manners?

jannier · 10/10/2023 17:40

MyMiniMetro · 10/10/2023 16:18

There's an experiment about children, marshmallows and the inability for delayed gratification. This is like that. Roll your eyes and get on with life. In 5 years will this really matter? If your son were to end up in hospital tomorrow, how much would you regret all this?

Edited

That is on preschoolers and wanted to see at what age they could learn to wait in the expectation of having more.....it wasn't on 16 year olds.....if they had this issue they would all have the perfect shop lifting excuse.

Purplefriends · 10/10/2023 17:42

FOJN · 10/10/2023 14:46

Well this is great and you can parent your child however you see fit at home but please make sure you remember to tell your child that, regardless of monetary value, the rest of society takes a pretty dim view of people who helps themselves to other people's property.

It's not about chocolate, it's not about money it's about respect for other people. Asking before taking is pretty basic good manners. Letting your child do whatever they like is not a measure of love and care. Preparing them to function as a decent member of society and teaching them to respect other people, even when it makes you unpopular, is loving and caring. Anything else is setting them up for failure and the painful realisation that not everyone will be as forgiving as mum when they behave in a selfish, entitled way. Lessons from loving parents will always be kinder than those issued by pissed off randoms in the real world.

Show quote history

All of this.

If you love your child you want them to be a successful, well socialised adult. And to be that they need to know how to respect other people's property and boundaries. To have a successful marriage they need to respect their wife, not see her as an unboundaried fulfiller of all of their indulgences.

jannier · 10/10/2023 17:45

Snkt · 10/10/2023 14:03

Your child eating your chocolate is theft? Seriously? These poor children. My dad taught me that generosity is very important. Why bring up kids teaching them how to be selfish, mean and tight? And being generous has nothing to do with money.
my son can have anything of mine. There’s nothing more important to me than him. I brought him into this world and I have to show him what a beautiful world it is. Not a world where his mum loses her marbles over a box of Lindor.

If you don't teach children to respect other people or their property in the home why and how do they learn that outside the home? Perhaps that's why our streets look like shit with so much vandalised and graffiti and we have such a problem with kids being obnoxious little shits when we walk down the streets.

billy1966 · 10/10/2023 17:55

I agree with you @FOJN.

OP's son was very rude and disrespectful.

My husband would be absolutely furious at such entitled rudeness, not to mind me.

Laughable that people would equate such awful behaviour with feeling comfortable at home.

You can well imagine the types of homes people like this are dragged up in when they end up in shared housing at college etc.

The type that help themselves to the food of others etc., and are loathed by those unlucky enough to share with them.

nomadmummy · 10/10/2023 18:07

YANBU about the replacement

you ARE setting a poor example by being rude yourself.

riceuten · 10/10/2023 18:24

Do you give him pocket money? I would deduct it from that, given him the remainder of any, and the receipt

Judecb · 10/10/2023 18:40

He's only 15, and he's said he's sorry. I'd thank him for the replacement ones and move on!!

tommyhoundmum · 10/10/2023 19:10

YANBU

Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/10/2023 19:11

I’m sure YANBU but if it were me I would have just laughed and eaten the rest - he didn’t scoff the whole lot. It’s just chocolate.