Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

It doesn't "all even out in the end", the vegetarian teetotaller won't become the steak 'n lobster eating quaffer.
People who expect others to subsidise their expensive choices will not suddenly become happy to stick to a starter and water while others eat three courses with wine.
It's a fallacy spouted by takers and CFs so they can continue their gravy train.

Ask fir drinks to be calculated separately. My friend err on the side of generosity so never had this issue. If one like her wine she makes sure she pays for more (more than she drinks even). I'm usually the one calculating what people owe and the tip and i try to be as fair as possible in terms of people who only ordered two courses vs three etc, without being so specific as to seem obnoxious about it.

I've shown you evidence and your response is to be rude. Go away. We really don't need your sort on here.

My group of friends always pay for what we ordered. We’re all in different circumstances financially and we all eat different. One of our friends doesn’t drink alcohol so it wouldn’t be fair for him to pay for our alcohol.

I have never seen a menu in the UK that doesn't include VAT either. I don't think they would last long where I live. Maybe only high end restaurants do this?

The couple last night were rude and entitled. You should have said 'sorry, no, we'll just pay for what we ordered. We're on a budget'

And I'd do the same with the meal you're going to. Why should you subsidise others??

Restaurants that list prices before VAT are rare in my experience but exist. I’ve been to one with a Michelin star in the north if England.

I mentioned this place on another thread because the portions were so small. People on that thread were jumping on an OP who presented herself as a slightly inexperienced Fayne Diner and complained about being left hungry. Well, my appetite is not large and this is the only Fayne Dining Restaurant ever that left me hungry.

This can work out quite unfair though. People who don’t drink alcohol or order the pasta/vegetarian option end up subsidising those who drink more and order more expensive dishes.

I do wish restaurants would just confirm up front what people want to do. We got to restaurants that will list orders under the people paying and then bill according. So if there's 10 couples there's 10 bills. Ten people swiping cards anyway even if it's just one bill split so no issues. I reckon they get more tip too as people feel more responsible for it

And I am happy to occasionally sub those who are struggling. But too often I’ve found that those who are are adamant about only paying for their own food leave out a substantial amount of shared food and seem averse to tipping. Of course anyone has the right to refrain from tipping but in our local establishments these people are coasting on the known generosity of others in the group. And they know it.

what about those who are adamant about splitting the bill equally who order sides like chips or garlic bread but don’t share them and still expect everyone else pay a share towards them? I’ve known people like that too.

you haven't, you've shown evidence that VAT doesn't have to be included on the menu. However in practice it almost always (like others I have NEVER not seen it) is.

So your point that people should always add it to the price quoted on the menu is invalid and irrelevant , because if they did so everyone would overpay by 20% because 99.99% of the time the price per item is already inclusive of VAT. I grant you that the RECEIPT sometimes has VAT at the bottom, (but even in that case the price per item is 80% of what was advertised, so the eventual amount is the same) but that's not what the person said - they referred to the menu, which almost always has the total price inclusive of VAT per item.

The thing that irks me about 'lets just split' is that it's always the people who want to just pay for what they've had who are called tight, but surely the tight people are the ones who want their friends to subsidise them? I've noticed it's always the people who have had the most who suggest splitting, because they know it'll benefit them.

My friend always did this, she'd always make sure we'd go somewhere close to hers so she could drink, then split the bill despite the drivers having spent significantly less....until she got pregnant, then she made a sudden switch to 'let's just pay for what we've had.'

We have recently started having one person pay the bill and then we transfer our part to them the next day if some of us have been drinking more than others (less fuss in the restaurant). If we have roughly had the same we just split the bill equally.

I think if everyone has the same amount of course and drinks then you split the bill equally, easiest way , however if you only have one course and a one drink each then I wouldn’t split the bill equally with people who have more courses and more drinks.

It depends who I'm with, small group of close friends we'd just split it, but people are very aware of non drinkers or if they've drunk more than most. e.g. one man is a big wine drinker. He'll offer the bottle around, but will drink most of it. He knows this and always buys the wine. If we're all drinking similarly but there's one person not drinking, we'll take something off their share.

In a large group by far the easiest way is to split the food bill but have everyone buy their own drinks at the bar.

Ha haa - yeah the tight one are those that want you to pay for their shit. Don't be fooled and just go along with it - speak out. Don't have to get intense about it - just be straightforward. Have a nice day, bye, see ya.

I organised a 70th birthday lunch for my mum quite recently, around 30 people there. I had a couple of anxious relatives messaging me beforehand about the bill and so made it very clear to everyone that they would pay for what they ordered plus whatever tip they felt appropriate. My sister and I covered our mum’s lunch between us. It worked very well for everyone and I think they were all appreciative that it had been discussed upfront so there was no awkwardness on the day.

This is very annoying! Like you, I'd always feel too awkward to say so would just pay our share. But you should speak up for the next one if they have form for it.

The problem here is that the 'expensive' couple are either totally lacking in self-awareness (if it was me I'd say oh we'll pay extra because we had extra) OR absolute CFs who enjoy getting discounted meals at their friends' expense 🤷🏻‍♀️

I always pay for what ive ordered

I eat out every couple of months with different friends and it’s always different. If one person is driving and the others drinking alcohol we take the wine off and split the rest of the bill. If none or all of us are drinking we generally split it. If it’s a work meal out then it’s a case of once bitten, twice shy. People leave before the bill arrives and they don’t leave enough, someone orders 3 courses unlike everyone else and suggest splitting the bill and then you end up paying disproportionately more because of them. My last team I stopped going out with them as the whole bill situation became embarrassing. I’m due to go out with my new team next month and I’ve already mentioned I will pay for what I have.

I think no one minds friends if they question a bill if you are going to be disadvantaged financially. You need to realise it isn’t petty to question the bill split because if you were paying £50 per couple and when you broke it down it was £48, £51, £51 you’d probably say don’t worry we’ll split it, but if it was £45, £52.50, £52.50 then you pay your way and if a friend did have a problem or think you petty then they’ve shown their true colours.

I usually split, but that's because I typically eat with friends who have a similar amount/similar value.

We always take the alcohol off as well as some of us are teetotal and others are pregnant.

I'd not be splitting the bill with CF who order lots of sides, expensive meals and lots of alcohol. People like that are always relying on everyone else feeling too awkward to say no.

@KimberleyClark you are making me feel lucky, because I don’t think I know anyone who refuses to share

You don't have to do it. Just tell the server up front that you're on separate checks.

@RampantIvythat's good. So often people pay just the menu price 'oh I just had pizza so here is my £15. But they should be adding 30-35% to take into account vat and service so £20-25 not £15.

Like @Hufflepods and others, I've eaten out in the UK for decades in all sorts of different venues and never seen a menu where they then expect VAT to be added on to the advertised price.
In the UK, a tip is also optional. If someone is on a budget that means they can afford a £15 pizza, then they are perfectly entitled to pay £15 for said pizza.

Personally, like others have said on this thread, I am now in a financial position that I can afford tips and afford to pay a bit more than I actually spent (if people want to split the bill) but I haven't always been and I would NEVER judge anyone paying the price that has been advertised. If I have had more courses or whatever than others (unlikely these days as my appetite shrunk with age ) then I would say, when the bill arrived and lead by putting in more / putting in what I've spent. All that said, I've never found it difficult to keep a running total in my head of what I have spent.

With so many people not carrying cash, and paying on cards these days, it seems more normal for people to tell the waiter / waitress the amount they want to pay, and everyone waiting to check the total is covered. Or maybe I am lucky enough to have nice colleagues / people I might go for a meal with.