Splitting the bill equally or paying for what you’ve ordered?

[Mamatolittleboy]

Would you agree on splitting the bill equally or do you ask to just pay for what you’ve ordered?

Went out for dinner as a group of 3 couples last night. One couple had lots of wine, expensive steaks etc. When bill arrived they worked our bill / 3 couples so equal shares. Myself and DH paid because we felt a bit awkward saying anything at the table as didn’t want to look petty. However, in the car mentioned to each other we would have got a couple of extra drinks each plus sides for the money we paid on top of what we ordered.

We have a big meal out for a friends milestone birthday soon where there are probably 18-20 people. We know some of these friends will be drinking many alcoholic beverages and enjoying more expensive meals (absolutely fine of course) however are now wondering what we should do bill wise.

Not sure if this matters but I’m currently on SMP so our income has almost halved.

Would we be unreasonable to ask to pay for what we have ordered to save us money or is that petty? Thinking about mentioning it once the bill arrives makes me feel embarrassed however DH thinks we should tell them we can’t afford more than what we’ve ordered.

the apps are usually for convenience, so one person pays at the time and then the rest pay them back. Useful if someone has to leave early, or you're rushing to go somewhere else (like the theatre/a gig/catch the last train) after slow service,
so 18 people aren't queuing up at the bar to individually pay for what they've ordered.

Or when 'the group' have done several activities, i.e. away on holiday together, so rather than 8 people paying separately for bowling, then for food, then drinks at the bar, then working out 1/8th of a taxi share someone pays for everything or one person for each activity and then the app works it out. Or if someone doesn't do one activity, i.e. turns up after the bowling, or is close enough to walk home rather than get the taxi they don't get included in that.

It's obviously not necessary (I use a calculator or just work it out in my head) but then 99% of apps aren't necessary, are they? they're an optional extra to make life a bit easier (and, if you're not covering your tight friends' steak and champagne, fairer).

It would all depend.

If everyone has had very similar, then it would make sense to split the bill. However, if there's a big disparity between what people have ordered then it makes more sense and is fairer to pay individually.

I honestly don't understand how people are suggesting that it's passé (using that word is passé) to pay individually or somehow churlish. Not everyone can afford to be subsidising other people's meals and drink choices.

Believe it or not, some people come out with a budget and order according to that budget. If someone has had a cheaper starter, main and dessert (or no starter or dessert) and hasn't consumed alcohol, why should they be subsidising those that have filled their boots with a three-course meal, comprising of an expensive steak and wine?

The trouble is, many people who expect to split the bill are CFs who fully rely on the awkwardness of paying individually to mean that they can fill their boots on someone else's dime.

It's perfectly reasonable to request a separate bill and pay for what you ordered. I'm on a budget as well, and whilst I'm not against paying a little more than what I ordered, I am against and unable to fund someone's slap-up dinner.

It's not too much faff to work out what you ordered and what you owe for your meal but people rely on the notion that it is to force compliance with splitting the bill. People who have a problem with people paying for what they ordered and only what they ordered are people who expected someone else to subsidise them.

But surely you just transfer straight into your friend’s account.

that’s what my kids & their friends do (age range 18-23)

This is the killer - we had a work Christmas meal (about 20 of us) a few years back where multiple people left early and handed over the money to cover their share before the bill came.

When the bill arrived and everyone who was left put in what they thought covered their share, we were several hundred pounds short of the total bill. I suspect quite a few people who left early put in the £30 quid or whatever for the fixed menu price, but ignored drinks and supplements for steak etc.

With friends, we just split the bill equally. We go out regularly and it all evens out in the end. If that's not the case for you, just ask to pay separately for your own.

The right etiquette as far as I'm concerned is either -

If I order a lot more e.gm bill will be 70% mine, I offer to pay for both.

If its nearer 60/40 (and I have ordered more) when the bill comes I ask to pay seperately.

Friends who do rounds never let the soft drinkers pay as theres usually only 1 or 2 in a group of 10 and often he soft drinker will drive some people home.

That's how my friends do it.

Just make sure that of you only pay for what you have, you add on service and VAT. So many people say they are only paying for what they have and then pay just the menu price which means their tax and service is covered by everyone else

@NImumconfused This is the killer - we had a work Christmas meal (about 20 of us) a few years back where multiple people left early and handed over the money to cover their share before the bill came.

When the bill arrived and everyone who was left put in what they thought covered their share, we were several hundred pounds short of the total bill. I suspect quite a few people who left early put in the £30 quid or whatever for the fixed menu price, but ignored drinks and supplements for steak etc

VAT & service. People always just pay the menu price and negate ti add their portion of tax and service charge

None of the people I have eaten out with have done that. We have always added on a tip if there is no service charge. Last time I ate out in a group the waiter took each of our payments separately and we waited to make sure it all added up (plus tip) before we left. Everyone, including the waiter, was happy.

This.

When I am not usually one of the bigger spenders, I generally thank my lucky stars that I am in a position to go along with the crowd’s decision. On the rare occasions when I am, I usually suggest that those of us who have had something extra add in extra. If my main was £10 more than the others I will suggest taking £10 off (for me to pay) before sharing out the bill. Usually other spenders will step up.

And I am happy to occasionally sub those who are struggling. But too often I’ve found that those who are are adamant about only paying for their own food leave out a substantial amount of shared food and seem averse to tipping. Of course anyone has the right to refrain from tipping but in our local establishments these people are coasting on the known generosity of others in the group. And they know it.

@RampantIvy that's good. So often people pay just the menu price 'oh I just had pizza so here is my £15. But they should be adding 30-35% to take into account vat and service so £20-25 not £15.

Could you check with restaurant if they can do an individual bill ?

I'll never forget much first meal out with a group, watching the pennies and being really careful about what I ordered. Hadn't really ever eaten out much so had no idea about one bill.

So shocked at having to subsidise everybody else's expensive choices!

I'm sure these days there are Apps that deal with these instances.

You just need to tell your server at the start you need a separate bill. The problem comes when people leave it till paying to say this.

Like another poster, I just take plenty of cash, tot up while I am ordering.At the end of the meal, I just pass over the cash plus tip .It's easy, fair and no hard feelings.
It works for me anyway.

For the most part we just split equally unless someone has noticeably had less or whatever.
But we socialise regularly and our friends are all as generous as us so it balances out and no one feels taken advantage of. If we’ve had slightly more for dinner one time we will cover the coffees and pastries the next day, friends are similar.

@partypant that's good. So often people pay just the menu price 'oh I just had pizza so here is my £15. But they should be adding 30-35% to take into account vat and service so £20-25 not £15.

I’ve never once seen a menu in the uk that is exclusive of vat, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s not allowed.
It would not be £15 + 35% it would be £15 + 12.5/15% service at most.

It's not always on the menu

If it was similar amounts I would split but I tend to order one course, no sides and don’t have more than 1-2 alcoholic drinks so don’t want to subsidise others unless birthday/celebration. I don’t mind having the money conversation although some of my friends do but I don’t see the problem talking about money. It’s not a dirty secret.

@RampantIvy I don't understand why you need an app to work out the cost of your meal. All phones have a calculator on them.

The apps being talked about are not calculators though, they are for making split payments easier. You can automatically send a request for half the amount of your taxi for example to your friend with just their phone number and it takes them 2 seconds to pay it vs setting up a standard payment via online banking.

@partypant It's not always on the menu

Do you actually eat out?

I would say I eat out 2-5 times a week and I’ve never once seen a menu in the uk that was exclusive of vat.

I’ve never seen a menu in the U.K. that doesn’t include VAT either.

snd I can use my banking app to request a payment from a friend

Separate bill here. Just advise whoever takes your order. Perfectly acceptable

I can remember as a teenager with not much money going out for a group meal .one person would always order all the expensive things then the expensive coffees etc. They would always say split the bill. So they got a subsidised meal and those who were hard up paid a lot more. At times going out with people from work some would be ordering loads of extra’s expensive meals loads of wine etc. if I had split I would have paid about twice the cost of the meal. I made an excuse I had to leave early so paid the waitress direct for my drinks. Then left the cost of my meal rounded to the nearest pound then a tip and left and got the bus. Didn’t feel guilty as I had been caught before.

YANBU. I always pay for my own after being caught out too many times. I would have 2 courses and no alcohol and end up paying £20 more than I actually ate.

When I became a single parent I really had to watch my money, so would just make it clear that I would pay for my own then they could split the difference. After they had all paid, I would add a tip (otherwise my tip got knocked off what they owed!).

you find that the people who usually want to split are the ones who have the most money, or eat/drink the most.

Yes it can be easier to just split it, but its not fair if its not equal ish consumption.