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Original poster

Baby girls name - is it awful

253 replies

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 21:30

Name changed as its very outing.
i am pregnant and now know it’s a girl which I expected a boy !
we lost DP early on in the pregnancy and I haven’t even had a moment to think of her name.
his family would like it to be in our honour of DP.
this Name - Cory middle name Lee
they want Cory but I am not overly keen on it for a girls name as much as I would love for her to have DP name
I have suggested coralie
and me cause he never had a daughter before and I know he wanted to go have his nans middle name in there somewhere it would be coralie Martha … surname.

or do you prefer Cory ?

OP posts:
AbbeyGailsParty · 07/10/2023 23:35

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 22:55

I do like coralie ( I do not want Cory Lee ) but also I’m still angry, and apart of me no matter how wrong it I that I feel that way don’t even thing he deserves it
and that is the most awful thing to say I’m aware.
everyone else doesn’t have the same anger as me.

Just to say your anger is perfectly normal, it’s a stage of grieving.
It can feel horrible though, it was the stage I hated most.
It’s possible your DP’s family are swooping on you with opinions as a way of deflecting their grief at the moment. Unfair on you, I know, and probably a stage in their grief too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, grief is an exhausting journey. If you can find support , even online, it will help. Please look after yourself. Hand over baby buying stuff to a friend if you can so you can concentrate on you and your children. 💐

PenguinLove1 · 07/10/2023 23:36

You are looking after a child that isnt related to you and they are mad at you for it?

Thats terrible - you are obviously a great person if they are choosing to stay with you.

I would call the baby Lucy Martha Cory and your surname.

Dont tell anyone the name until after the birth and don't entertain any feedback on it - be strong and advocate for your lovely baby who deserves to be her own person and not a memorial for his family.

BBQchickensalad · 07/10/2023 23:36

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 23:33

I realised I might have made it sound like we have a million kids between us. I have 1 and he had 1 both lived with us full time.
this baby is our first together.
All 3 will live with me.
I am going to hold off and maybe announce it after birth maybe … everyone would have had time to settle by then. I hope so. They are already mad at me about the DSC situation so it just seems everyone is against me.

It's hard while grief is so fresh. For them, these children are a link to him. Be firm about boundaries if they try to step in too much, or take over this child. This child is not a bandaid for their feelings. It's too much to put on a child for them to be responsible for being an emotional support to his family.

Isitreallythough · 07/10/2023 23:37

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a time it must be.
I think both Cory and Coralie are lovely, as is Lucy. You could have Cory and Martha as middle names? Or when you meet her you might get a clearer feeling on it…

littlemousebigcheese · 07/10/2023 23:38

Please be kind to yourself and remember that you don't owe them anything. By default of his daughter existing she is part of him living on so the name is irrelevant.

Lucy is lovely, Martha is beautiful. Coralie sounds awkward to me, Cora is ok but I think go with what YOU want.

I don't think I'd want a constant reminder, it would be painful. If they are so inclined they can get a dog and name it Cory, or a plant or something. If they say no to that idea, ask them why it's any more ludicrous than expecting you to name your daughter after him. He liked Martha, that's enough ♥️

Comtesse · 07/10/2023 23:38

You decide, darling - you are carrying the baby so you decide.

SE13Mummy · 07/10/2023 23:39

Lucy Martha is a beautiful name. Lucy means light and Martha honours your DP's wish to include the name.

If you are worried about your SC having a different last name from the rest of you, perhaps your DD could be Lucy Martha DPlastname Yourlastname. Don't double barrel the two last names but have DP's last name as an extra middle name to give that connection with your SC's last name. I know of a couple of families who've gone down this route for last names when one of the parents has died or when a blended family has taken on a blended last name.

Peachy2005 · 07/10/2023 23:39

Sorry just saw the rest of your posts @Startre28. In the circumstances, baby deserves her very own name and Lucy Martha is lovely. Don’t worry about surnames being different and don’t let your DPs family bully you on names.

Original poster
Startre28 · 07/10/2023 23:39

@PenguinLove1 because they tried to collect DSC and I refused and now legally it’s been decided they stay with me.
but that’s a whole different thread !
em so gradually we have moved past that and accepted we all have to get along for children’s sake but now I feel like every decision I have needs 12 peoples approval !

OP posts:
VineRipened · 07/10/2023 23:40

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 22:45

If I had my choice
she would be called Lucy Martha … surname to be honest.

Beautiful name.

Tell everyone you are giving your baby the name that you and Dp chose together.

BBQchickensalad · 07/10/2023 23:44

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 23:39

@PenguinLove1 because they tried to collect DSC and I refused and now legally it’s been decided they stay with me.
but that’s a whole different thread !
em so gradually we have moved past that and accepted we all have to get along for children’s sake but now I feel like every decision I have needs 12 peoples approval !

Hopefully as their grief processes, it will get easier. That takes a long time for a child, it's never really over, but in a few years it starts to ease. I think it's important that you have firm boundaries so they know the difference between your family unit and theirs. They are probably just clinging to anything relating to their child, including his children, but this isn't healthy long term. Each child and family unit has to be recognised as their own, not as part of someone else.

MustGetOutofBed · 07/10/2023 23:46

So sorry for your loss OP, the way it happened makes it all the harder I know.

Your daughter is yours, and only you get a say in her name. Lucy is a beautiful name 😍
Don't feel you have to decide right now, I'm sure you're still grieving. Take care of yourself and your children, including DSS 💐💐

AFieldGuideToTrees · 07/10/2023 23:48

PenguinLove1 · 07/10/2023 23:36

You are looking after a child that isnt related to you and they are mad at you for it?

Thats terrible - you are obviously a great person if they are choosing to stay with you.

I would call the baby Lucy Martha Cory and your surname.

Dont tell anyone the name until after the birth and don't entertain any feedback on it - be strong and advocate for your lovely baby who deserves to be her own person and not a memorial for his family.

I really wouldn't have Cory anywhere, nor his surname as someone else suggested.

All that will do is encourage them to call her Cory HisSurname instead of her actual name.

Which would make a tense situation even worse.

He liked Martha, OP wants Lucy, that's a lovely combination that honours both parents wishes.

Muchempathy · 07/10/2023 23:48

I am so so sorry for your loss💐💐. You must be still in shock and it’s perfectly normal to feel detached and angry. Give yourself a break and maybe tell the family that you’ll decide when baby comes and you don’t wish to discuss it further. Go with Lucy Martha, if that is what you like, also your DP chose the second name so you are honouring him in that way. I think a first name is way too much, and would be too painful, even before you take into account the circumstances.

I also lost my partner when my children were very young, it’s tough for them as most of them have no memories of him. He didn’t take his own life and fought really hard to stay with us but I have met parents in the same situation as you and they were also angry. I know that I am straying away from the topic of the thread but there are a lot of great charities out there where children can get counselling and also meet children in the same situation. This really helped my kids. I hope that you have lots of support from your family and friends.

AmazingSnakeHead · 07/10/2023 23:48

I'm so sorry for your loss and the circumstances surrounding it. I completely understand why you feel so angry, and think you shouldn't give your baby his name in the circumstances.

It might also be very upsetting for his elder child to have to hear their dad's name everyday while they process their grief and get used to a new sibling.

Lucy Martha is a gorgeous name. Give her a name that makes you feel happy and loving. You deserve to enjoy as much as this pregnancy and baby as you possibly can, especially after what you've been through. Giving her a name you love is part of that.

BentleyRose · 07/10/2023 23:49

I would go with Martha Cory, he wanted Martha in there somewhere and it is your choice.

Ilikeyourdecor · 07/10/2023 23:55

I would also go with Lucy Martha if that is your preference, and I agree with pp that it's not your ILs time to choose the name, and your dd is not a living memorial to your dp.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Crikeyalmighty · 07/10/2023 23:55

I have a friend called Coralie- she's a very beautiful , kind and lovely woman too

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/10/2023 00:01

Please call your little girl exactly what you want - Lucy Martha sounds lovely.

It might be a big heavy for her to carry his name tbh.

Don't give into pressure from others. I know they are grieving too but I think it's just horrible to be hassling a pregnant, bereaved, woman.

I'm very sorry that your partner is no longer with you.

StrongandNorthern · 08/10/2023 00:03

Coralie is lovely.

theduchessofspork · 08/10/2023 00:04

Gosh you have a lot on your plate OP!

It sounds like DP’s death was quite complex, so I don’t it’s fair on your daughter or you to use his name as a first name

I would just go for Lucy Martha and explain it’s the name you both chose

Or you could go for Lucy Coralie Martha if you want. I also like Coraline

You could double barrel your surnames if you want, or use his surname as a middle name

Horriblewoman · 08/10/2023 00:04

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/10/2023 00:01

Please call your little girl exactly what you want - Lucy Martha sounds lovely.

It might be a big heavy for her to carry his name tbh.

Don't give into pressure from others. I know they are grieving too but I think it's just horrible to be hassling a pregnant, bereaved, woman.

I'm very sorry that your partner is no longer with you.

I 100% agree with this.

What a horrific thing to go through in a pre angry and I’m so sorry you and his child are processing this. You’re probably in the middle of an ocean of grief right now but Lucy Martha is beautiful and I personally think it’s a lot of pressure to bestow
the name of someone passed away onto a new child.

BlueSky2023 · 08/10/2023 00:07

Coralie is nice

Cora
Coraline
Coralise
Coreese

Just making stuff now

Freshstart78 · 08/10/2023 00:07

It’s beautiful

Hankiewair · 08/10/2023 00:08

I come from an old tradition of travelers and showmen.

Cory is a word for penis or cock as far as I’m aware.

I know it’s become more popular, but is it only me who knows the alternative?

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