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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby girls name - is it awful

253 replies

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 21:30

Name changed as its very outing.
i am pregnant and now know it’s a girl which I expected a boy !
we lost DP early on in the pregnancy and I haven’t even had a moment to think of her name.
his family would like it to be in our honour of DP.
this Name - Cory middle name Lee
they want Cory but I am not overly keen on it for a girls name as much as I would love for her to have DP name
I have suggested coralie
and me cause he never had a daughter before and I know he wanted to go have his nans middle name in there somewhere it would be coralie Martha … surname.

or do you prefer Cory ?

OP posts:
Godlovesall26 · 08/10/2023 07:27

echinaceadreams · 08/10/2023 07:24

This said what I was trying to say much better. I think it could actually do harm to your child if you go with your partners name in these circumstances. The family is upset and grieving so you have to think long term.

Show quote history

Yes same, Said much better than in my last post.

It’s just as fine if you wish her dad’s name as her middle name though. As long as it’s your decision. Middle names can be decided also much later down the line (first also, but obviously a little different).

ttcat37 · 08/10/2023 07:51

Coralie is nicer than Cory, but know that his family will call her Cory anyway if you go with Coralie.
This baby is so much more than his death. Consider letting her have her own name and choosing something completely different.
Sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine the pain.

Seaitoverthere · 08/10/2023 07:56

I’m so sorry for your loss and what you have been through. I agree that you should call her Lucy Martha your surname, I think using his name will be one more thing for her to have to deal with.

Don’t be drawn into any more discussions about names and say you will decide once she is here. Have a good friend on standby to go with you to registry office so in your head you have decided she is Lucy Martha your surname (if you do decide that) and she will be registered on X date.

That allows you room to change your mind if you want to, with the emphasis on you but takes the pressure off as a decision has been made. No one else needs to know until done and I feel it is important to set the tone for the way forward in raising your daughter - you absolutely don’t need to be considering 12 other people In decisions.

KajsaKavat · 08/10/2023 07:59

thise are both pretty options, also it is your choice, no one else’s

Speedygonzales78 · 08/10/2023 09:06

Coralie is fine, what about Corleigh?
Either way it's your decision! 😊

Floraltears · 08/10/2023 09:09

Op, you may not feel like it, but you are an amazing woman. You are doing the right thing keeping all the children together, but please don’t let the other family bully you into anything.

Personally, With these circumstances I would give the baby her own name (a name you like), then the middle name you both liked, and your surname… you may find your SD in time may want to change her name to yours.

It’s such a sad situation, I’m sorry your having to go through it.

bohemianmullet · 08/10/2023 09:14

I haven't read all the thread but have read your posts. It's a nice name you are suggesting, but my instinct is that if you have complex feelings including feeling angry (which I think is normal for people to feel in such circumstances) then i don't think you should name her something that will bring all that pain directly to mind every single time you mention her name. I think it might be unfair on her and on you. I think your baby should get her own name.

Even if you weren't feeling such complex emotions, being pushed to name her after him when you are feeling such enormous grief, I still think this is an unfair burden to put on you. It's all very well in theory talking about honouring people, but sometimes the constant mention of a person when grieving is just too painful and it would be very sad for you to feel this every time you mentioned your new daughter's name. Perhaps there is another way of honouring him that you can suggest to his family that you can all do together to help with the enormous pain they must also be feeling and the quite understandable desire they are feeling to honour him in this way.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 08/10/2023 09:29

Startre28 · 07/10/2023 22:45

If I had my choice
she would be called Lucy Martha … surname to be honest.

You do have your choice. No one else has any say in this. Your baby, your choice. Call her Lucy Martha, it's beautiful, and it's your preference.

I'm really shocked that they tried to take your stepchild from you. I understand they are grieving, but the wellbeing of the children must come first, they are not weapons.

You're very vulnerable right now. Please know that you have the right to stand your ground.

Kellogg1 · 08/10/2023 09:51

Coralie Martha is lovely.

You could also use Martha as the first name and Cory as a middle name. That way it’s still included in her identity but she won’t be called Cory day to day. I know I would struggle to hear relatives saying the name day to day.

Sorry for your loss xx

Kellogg1 · 08/10/2023 09:52

VedaPierce · 08/10/2023 03:40

Lucy Martha is a beautiful name. You chose Lucy - your DP chose Martha. A perfect combination.

If you were not considering Cory or similar with DP there is no need to introduce it now on account of pressure you really should not be subjected to.

Couldn’t agree with this more

Angrycat2768 · 08/10/2023 09:55

Coralie Martha is lovely. Agree with everyone else. Your child, your choice.

ThreeLeggedPug · 08/10/2023 10:01

stop asking family opinions about the name. Call her Lucy Coraline maybe

ThreeLeggedPug · 08/10/2023 10:01

Lucy Martha yes, both your choices

Original poster
Startre28 · 08/10/2023 10:15

Morning, thank you for your kind words. I had had some sleep and I think you are all right.
the kids are what matter here all of them and I am going to do what’s right for us.

OP posts:
SherbetLemonn · 08/10/2023 10:26

I’m glad you’re feeling a little more clearheaded this morning. I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and in welcoming your lovely baby girl into the world 💐

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 08/10/2023 10:34

I’m glad to read your update OP.

And I really hope you are surrounded. with friends who support you in every way they can. Take care of you and bump.

Beautiful3 · 08/10/2023 10:55

Cora is a beautiful name.

thegreylady · 08/10/2023 11:20

I think you should use Lucy. Let her bring light to all your lives. She will be loved and she doesn’t need the weight of her father’s death as part of her NAME for goodness sake, part of your distress and anger at his death! His family will always remember him but let his name be on his headstone not on his child. I wish you strength and love 💐

Inertia · 08/10/2023 12:21

You’re doing an incredible job in keeping your family on an even keel under dreadful circumstances.

You don’t need to be sorry about your grief or your anger- you’re entitled to your own feelings. Do you have any access to counselling to help you process your grief?

Given the traumatic circumstances, it’s understandable that using your partner’s name would be too difficult.

Lucy Martha Yoursurname is lovely. It is up to you, and only you. You can explain that DP chose Martha.

Clarich007 · 08/10/2023 12:38

So sorry for your loss You must be devastated.I hope you will be ok soon
Sorry but I don't like Cory, or Coralie.
Cory sounds like an American boys name to me.
Lucy Martha is beautiful.You DO have a choice, it's no one else's business Don't be pressurised into a name you are not keen on 💐💐

Clarich007 · 08/10/2023 12:42

Wonderful post Grey lady.
Sums it up perfectly.

martinisforeveryone · 08/10/2023 13:21

I feel like every decision I have needs 12 peoples approval !

@Startre28 if you take one thing only from this thread, believe that the only approval you need is your own. My late mother used to say that you'll never please everyone, but if you please yourself then at least one person's satisfied.
I wouldn't always follow that myself, but under your circumstances, I think you deserve to follow your own path and most people wouldn't have any issue with that.

Specifically on the naming issue, there is no one more important that your daughter and then you.

When, as is inevitable, any of your DP's side of the family comment, you tell them that your daughter has a name that you chose and a name that he chose and that's how you're remembering him for her.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 08/10/2023 13:29

Nobody's decision but yours - I think Coralie is lovely

ZickZack · 08/10/2023 14:03

Lucy Martha is beautiful.

Floralnomad · 08/10/2023 14:23

thegreylady · 08/10/2023 11:20

I think you should use Lucy. Let her bring light to all your lives. She will be loved and she doesn’t need the weight of her father’s death as part of her NAME for goodness sake, part of your distress and anger at his death! His family will always remember him but let his name be on his headstone not on his child. I wish you strength and love 💐

This is incredibly well put

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