To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

Your problem is absolutely definitley your dh. You are trying to parent in a difficult situation Ie health reasons and your dh is actively obstructing this. Can you say that you have spent hundreds of hours looking after her health while he has looked after himself, you need to look after yourself too, it’s a shame you have opted out of parenting as it is destroying your marriage. Tell him you are taking yourself away for a weekend and then the week following it is his job next week to make sure she has 3 c kiwi juice serves, he needs to tell you every time she has one so you know. If he doesn’t bother then every time you look at him you will see the man who leaves his daughter in pain because he’s too lazy and selfish to help her and you will have to think seriously about the marriage?

@Codlingmoths Yes, sick of him to be honest

Can you turn the kiwi juice into an ice lolly? Works for us.

If she doesn't like it then why. One of our girls had a satchet every other day prescribed with a it of juice in and sorts it out. Now she only needs one once a week as has more veg etc. You sound a bit weird balance in things is much better

I feel for you as nothing more frustrating when you're trying your best and you don't get back up from your partner. Your dd has quickly worked out how to manipulate the situation and is playing you off of eachother. You need to have a chat with your dh, point this out and try to get him on side without getting annoyed (not easy I'd be livid) so that you can tackle this together.
As an aside, and sorry if already suggested, I couldn't read the whole thread, its really taken off with momentum!..... but have you tried giving your dd a bowl of sliced kiwi with strawberries? It'll look more appetising than green juice. A few apricots (not too many as they can cause what I can only describe as a fizzing tummy!) may help, dried or tinned.
I hope you get the support from dh. Its no fun when they're working against you.

YABU to think that she’s been disrespectful by using an appropriate pronoun about you.

Those people saying to end relationship with DP have really not thought this through. He will just buy her more junk food and let her watch YouTube constantly when she is in his care and you will be in an even worse situation where she sees you as being the bad guy and him being a soft touch Disney dad. Unless the relationship is irreparable you'd do much better to try and get on the same page and agree to some boundaries and expectations.

What did your DH say when you said it would be his responsibility to deal with the consequences?

I can't believe all those people say to just give her the medication. Movicol is often hard to get down a child and lactulose causes cramping in so many children. The OP has found a natural solution and this is brilliant. Why take a medicine when eating something healthy works? If the OP moved to daily movicol then there would be battle over that.

My ds takes movicol daily, I would be delighted by a solution that involved eating fruit but he has autism and extremely restricted eating, which is probably the cause of his ongoing constipation anyway. I really wish he didn't have to take it.

You DH is a total pain OP. Don't blame you for being angry. He is a parent who undermines their child's health in an attempt to be their best friend.

I detest these passive aggressive "questions" which seem to be a MN speciality. Obviously the OP hasn't told him it would be his responsibility, otherwise she would have said so.

He could accompany her next time if she needs a hospital trip. I think you're treating her like an adult, especially the offends you took when she called you she. Remember, she is 4, she lacks insight into consequences.

You seem weirdly obsessed with this kiwi fruit drink.

If she doesn't like it and won't drink it but she would drink something like movicol (disguised in apple juice, say) then switch to that. Don't put your ideas about natural products being better than medicine first. Would you give her a natural drink instead of antibiotics? Instead of insulin? As you said, she could end up in hospital and this is a medical issue. So use whatever medicine is effective and acceptable to her.

You husband is the problem

who does he think he is to undermine and disrespect you?! Have serious words with him OP

I did not say it should be a medicine - just something that the child does not detest.

The kiwi isn’t an easy option though because the child hates it! Doesn’t matter in that sense if it’s prescribed or not if you can’t get it in her.

you need to find another answer that she will take.

and threats of hospital just make hospitals seem like somewhere to be scare of which doesn’t help when it comes to actually being hospitalised.

@hopsalong Seriously 🤷🏻‍♀️😂😂

@HumphreyCobblers Exactly!

Hope your son improves soon, it’s so hard

tbh kiwi juice with the hairy skin sounds absolutely grim and it's no wonder the child doesn't want to drink it.

time to look for other options.

Well, I think yabu to see your homemade remedy (which does sound unpleasant, so I'm not surprised she doesn't want to drink it) as the only option.

I've had two dc with slow bowel transit and chronic constipation which resulted in hospitalisation, so I have an idea of how very stressful and distressing it is, how it can make you a bit obsessed with diet and fluid intake to make sure it doesn't happen again.

It is really hard to accept movicol had bad side effects, because it literally doesn't enter your child's system, it just suspends fluid in the gut to make it more slippery and passes through them. There's a reason it's the advised medication, it is very effective. You might have been asked to give eight drinks a day at the point of impaction, but the maintenance dose wouldn't be that. Plus, you can stick in in squash so it doesn't have a taste.

I think you'd be better off giving her options than trying to force her to drink something she doesn't want to. Would she prefer to try the medication, eat the kiwi with a spoon, maybe try figs?

@Perfectweatherforkites You are absolutely doing the right thing in relation to the natural route. I have suffered from severe constipation following gynae surgery many years ago with fecal impaction at times. I have seen specialists, had colonscopies, proctograms, scans and tried all sorts of medication.The consultants have always strongly advised trying the natural route first and this has usually had much better results for me than any amount of lactulose and movicol. It sounds as if you have received excellent help from the medical professionals.

Have you tried mixing kiwi fruit which I think is insoluble fibre with another form of insoluble fibre to make the kiwi fruit more palatable for your DD? Wishing you and her all the very best of luck with everything.

It really is a horrendous condition and generally other people have no idea how miserable it is for the sufferer and their families and how it can take over your whole life.

@NorthernLady91 So sorry you’ve had such a hard time, sounds horrendous
Yes, I think natural is always best if it works! I don’t see why someone would go for a prescribed medicine if a natural way is working

@Stompythedinosaur It had bad side effects for my Dd…after only 3 months or so..nothing would ever persuade me to put her on it again. It was a form of Movicol (not called Movicol, we’re abroad) another brand name is Miralax (in the US I think) many people have tried to get it banned.
We had to go back go down a lot of different avenues to try to restore her gut etc, it was a complete nightmare

Nope not unreasonable at all. She's 5, she is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. Having been through years of poo issues with my eldest (which we are now the other side of) I 💯 get why you don't want to go back there. My husband is similar to yours and it is so annoying. I have sympathy, but no tips of how to change it...if you have any please do let me know!!

Has she been tested for coeliac disease constipation and big bloated stomach can be signs,my son had stomach issues for years and really bad constipation from young it was only when my niece got diagnosed that I got him tested and he had it too and his stomach is so much better now he's gluten free

Let her try with a straw so leas taste (will need to be really well blended and with water added to it), even perhaps in something kirk an airup bottle so smells different too? And definitely ask to see a dietician (nhs so free but most areas have a 1 year waitig list).