Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

258 replies

Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 18:33

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

OP posts:
Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 22:12

@Yokaiwatch Thank you 💜and so sorry about your son, I hope things improve x

OP posts:
AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 07/10/2023 22:28

My mum would tell us she'd call social services to come and take us into care if we carried on 🤷‍♀️

I'd tell her it's medicine and non negotiable, but you weren't unreasonable to say what you did.

You are unreasonable for tolerating this dick of a dh/p though.

Batalax · 07/10/2023 22:30

Good luck op. Work on getting dh to understand he’s actually harming her. If he can’t/won’t then I woukd be seriously considering my marriage.

Switcher · 07/10/2023 22:42

You're fine. Dump your husband. Fixed.

TiredRetired · 07/10/2023 22:43

I’m not a big fan of using hospital or Drs as a threat because if they have to go for any reason, they’ll be terrified so I guess I’d dial that down.
otherwise you sound like a lovely Mum but you need to sort out the parenting issues with your other half.

reesewithoutaspoon · 07/10/2023 22:45

If she knows you are getting worked up about the fact she won't take it, she might be digging her heels in even more, also if she knows DH isn't going to present a united front then she also knows she can play you both off against each other.
You need to find some way to take the 'heat' out of the situation,
I get that you are worried because if she doesn't take it she might get ill again, but for the moment you need another strategy .
Try making smoothies, ice lollies, the pancakes etc and matter of fact offer her an option. "Do you want the pancakes or the drink today" Sometimes kids respond better when they feel like they have some control over their choices rather than just being told, "You must do this".

AlexandriasWindmill · 07/10/2023 22:47

Telling her she is going to end up in hospital is counter-productive - you're embedding a fear and distrust of hospitals into her and associating hospitals with bad behaviour and punishment.
Your DD is only 5 but you have already tried two exclusion diets, moved away from medication and started giving her kiwis and magnesium? I'm very surprised that has all been suggested and encouraged by a consultant. You have to be careful that you're not creating long-term food issues through your approach.

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 22:50

😮😮😮😮😮😮

Where were you in my life 2 weeks ago!?!?!

We have exactly the same problems but much younger. (Nealry 6 months old)
Extreme pain pooping, not pooping for days, screaming trying to go, LOTS of painful gas.

We have had a horrific time with drs (I'm waiting for a reply from our practice manager next week before I make a post about the details so I know everything) but basically no help from the drs despite my baby being in pain for over half his life at this point. Dr gave us lactalose as a temp measure With a follow up appointment in a few weeks.

We had an unrelated phone call with a dietician as we were due to start weaning him and I mentioned it all to her and asked if she had any recommendations. She told us to feed him either kiwi or plums.

We tried kiwi the next day and he pooped with no pain within 3 hours. And again the next day and the next. He has now had kiwi every day for a week and the pain has gone entirely.

Don't get me wrong.... he doesn't like kiwi. (We tried it in one of those dummies with holes in at 1st) But we have found disguising it helps. Obvious she's older so our mix wouldn't work for you but right now we crush up a rusk, mix it in with either breast milk or his formula, and then squeeze half a kiwi into it to make a rusk/kiwi mush. And that he loves and now gets upset when the bowl is empty.

Because of the timing from the Dr and the chemist sorting the prescription we had tried kiwi for 4 days before we got the lactulose home for him and by the time we did we kinda didn't want it.

Since kiwis come in a punnet of 4 (and we still have 1 left) our plan was to finish the kiwi then try the lactalose. Since we wouldn't realy know if the lactalose worked if we were giving him kiwi at the same time. I don't have a lot of faith in the lactalose so I plan on getting some plums in to try too. Those 2 were both recommended by our dietician as working well and we simply went kiwi 1st because they are what I came across 1st in the supermarket. And I didn't get both because I was expecting half of each to go off before we could finish either if I did.

Sorry. This got very rambly but this has been my life for weeks now.

You aren't alone though. Kiwi has saved us here and WORKS. only thing I can suggest is disguising it (strawberry mixes with kiwi so well maybe a kiwi and strawberry juice mix?) OR put the dietician we spoke to to the test and try plums.

MissTrip82 · 07/10/2023 22:52

Please don’t try and use hospital to scare her. At some point in her life she will need one, no matter what ‘research’ you’ve done.

I really wonder how much of this is reflecting your own rejection of the scientific paradigm of evidence-based medicine.

Mischance · 07/10/2023 22:57

You have two problems here:

One is the fact that you and your OH are not able to compromise and agree about parenting - that is a recipe for misery for all. Solving it demands that both partners are prepared to compromise in the interests of their child getting a clear message and not putting them in the uncomfortable and damaging situation of being piggy in the middle.

Two is that you need to find something less grim than kiwi juice which your poor child clearly hates. There are lots of treatments for constipation that do not require her to drink something acidic and unpleasant that she clearly dislikes. You have become fixated with the idea that this is the only treatment - it is not.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 22:58

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 22:50

😮😮😮😮😮😮

Where were you in my life 2 weeks ago!?!?!

We have exactly the same problems but much younger. (Nealry 6 months old)
Extreme pain pooping, not pooping for days, screaming trying to go, LOTS of painful gas.

We have had a horrific time with drs (I'm waiting for a reply from our practice manager next week before I make a post about the details so I know everything) but basically no help from the drs despite my baby being in pain for over half his life at this point. Dr gave us lactalose as a temp measure With a follow up appointment in a few weeks.

We had an unrelated phone call with a dietician as we were due to start weaning him and I mentioned it all to her and asked if she had any recommendations. She told us to feed him either kiwi or plums.

We tried kiwi the next day and he pooped with no pain within 3 hours. And again the next day and the next. He has now had kiwi every day for a week and the pain has gone entirely.

Don't get me wrong.... he doesn't like kiwi. (We tried it in one of those dummies with holes in at 1st) But we have found disguising it helps. Obvious she's older so our mix wouldn't work for you but right now we crush up a rusk, mix it in with either breast milk or his formula, and then squeeze half a kiwi into it to make a rusk/kiwi mush. And that he loves and now gets upset when the bowl is empty.

Because of the timing from the Dr and the chemist sorting the prescription we had tried kiwi for 4 days before we got the lactulose home for him and by the time we did we kinda didn't want it.

Since kiwis come in a punnet of 4 (and we still have 1 left) our plan was to finish the kiwi then try the lactalose. Since we wouldn't realy know if the lactalose worked if we were giving him kiwi at the same time. I don't have a lot of faith in the lactalose so I plan on getting some plums in to try too. Those 2 were both recommended by our dietician as working well and we simply went kiwi 1st because they are what I came across 1st in the supermarket. And I didn't get both because I was expecting half of each to go off before we could finish either if I did.

Sorry. This got very rambly but this has been my life for weeks now.

You aren't alone though. Kiwi has saved us here and WORKS. only thing I can suggest is disguising it (strawberry mixes with kiwi so well maybe a kiwi and strawberry juice mix?) OR put the dietician we spoke to to the test and try plums.

Can I ask did you leave the skin on as well?

I have poor gut motility due to gastroparesis and was told specifically by doctors not to rely on lactulose/movicol etc long term.

I was recommended plums but I actually found psyllium was the thing worked for me, with apple pectin.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 23:00

Two is that you need to find something less grim than kiwi juice which your poor child clearly hates. There are lots of treatments for constipation that do not require her to drink something acidic and unpleasant that she clearly dislikes. You have become fixated with the idea that this is the only treatment - it is not.

Kiwi juice is lovely. Much nicer and better for her than movicol or lactulose which are both vile. There’s no guarantee she would like those or agree to drink them any more than the kiwi.

You appear for be fixated on be idea that a medicine must be better option than fruit.

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 23:02

@Mirabai No we don't leave the skin on since he's still on soft/puree foods. We cut a kiwi in half and squeeze half like a lemon over the bowl of rusk mix. He's only tiny so doesn't even need a full kiwis worth right now. He does have the seeds because they are impossible to control and some of the softer bits of the kiwi that come out when squeezed but we only started weaning 3 weeks ago so no skin.

BBQchickensalad · 07/10/2023 23:03

Have you consulted with a nutritionist? They may have other ideas.

I do understand how frustrating it can be when medical care doesn't offer solutions and you have to solve it yourself. I've BTDT with a few things.

It would be ideal if you could find another thing that works. Then your daughter can have a choice which one she chooses.

I personally dislike kiwis (too tart) but golden kiwis are okay. Have you tried those? They're less tart and might be a nice change for your DD.

There are also chewable kiwi tablets you can get.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 23:07

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 23:02

@Mirabai No we don't leave the skin on since he's still on soft/puree foods. We cut a kiwi in half and squeeze half like a lemon over the bowl of rusk mix. He's only tiny so doesn't even need a full kiwis worth right now. He does have the seeds because they are impossible to control and some of the softer bits of the kiwi that come out when squeezed but we only started weaning 3 weeks ago so no skin.

Thanks, I’ll try without the skin first.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 23:08

If you haven’t tried psyllium your might give that a crack OP as it doesn’t taste of anything.

Wanderinghome · 07/10/2023 23:12

Does your daughter help make the drink? It might be more fun & acceptable to her if she can cut the kiwi, choose what other fruit and spoon the honey in.

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 23:13

@BBQchickensalad If looking for professional help then you want a dietician not a nutritionist.

Dietician is a medical term for somone qualified to give advice on foods and have specific knowledge on people with medical problems and how alternate foods can help and hinder.

Nutritionist is unfortunately a term that anyone cam claim. Its not a protected title and anyone on cam claim to be one. (Absolutely not saying all nutritionists are unqualified but you have to double check qualifications and experience because you do get people making claims to help people who just cant)

It just means if you are googling for help in your area and you search for a dietician then they should all be able to help in your search list. If you search for a nutritionist then you need to do follow up research into that person too to see if they trustworthy or just some mad person trying to sell you their product.

Dieticians will be registered with the HCPC as medical professionals as this is a protected title.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 23:15

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 23:08

If you haven’t tried psyllium your might give that a crack OP as it doesn’t taste of anything.

(Fybogel is psyllium btw).

Blondeleo84 · 07/10/2023 23:17

OP you have my sympathies, I had very similar with my DD who was holding on, refusing to go and then it became so painful that this made this situation worse until she was soiling constantly and was impacted. We were also given medications but after research did not want to use these long term. Once she was cleared out we started using Calfig (Syrup of figs) natural product that works perfectly and the best part is it’s so sweet she loves it. Also she doesn’t need much to help her stay regular now and this has been a life saver! So maybe you try this - I hope it helps because it’s incredibly frustrating and hard work dealing with this. Good luck

BBQchickensalad · 07/10/2023 23:17

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 23:13

@BBQchickensalad If looking for professional help then you want a dietician not a nutritionist.

Dietician is a medical term for somone qualified to give advice on foods and have specific knowledge on people with medical problems and how alternate foods can help and hinder.

Nutritionist is unfortunately a term that anyone cam claim. Its not a protected title and anyone on cam claim to be one. (Absolutely not saying all nutritionists are unqualified but you have to double check qualifications and experience because you do get people making claims to help people who just cant)

It just means if you are googling for help in your area and you search for a dietician then they should all be able to help in your search list. If you search for a nutritionist then you need to do follow up research into that person too to see if they trustworthy or just some mad person trying to sell you their product.

Dieticians will be registered with the HCPC as medical professionals as this is a protected title.

Good points to be aware of, thanks. I'm sure it was a nutritionist that my child's gastroenterologist referred us to (different issues) but they were degreed and registered with their professional body.

Twillow · 07/10/2023 23:18

I think you need to mix it up with the juice. It's become a 'medicine' that she's resisting. Off the top of my head, have you tried adding the puree to savoury foods, where it might be unnoticed? Or make into frozen yoghurt ice cream? And adding honey is a good idea.

HateTheView · 07/10/2023 23:18

YANBU for saying she would end up in hospital as it's true. Maybe she is bored with drinking it so you could try a gentler approach in convincing her. It sounds like you said it harshly, which is resulting in your daughter saying 'she' but to be fair your daughter is also being truthful you did say it and you are a she!

Sounds like both you and your daughter are frustrated and your husband is a bit useless.

KoalaChaos · 07/10/2023 23:21

@BBQchickensalad Ah yeah. If you were referred to one then the Dr who did the referral will have done checks 1st to be sure they were somone who had knowledge and some qualifications and probably uses that person regularly.

Only becomes a problem when typing into Google "nutritionist near me" and looking for one yourself.

Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 23:22

@KoalaChaos Ahh fantastic! Such a relief when something starts working

@Mirabai We’ve tried it, thank you, but it wasn’t massively effective, one of our neighbours is a Dr and mentioned it. He also recommended fresh figs, which did work fairly well, but my Dd had to have a lot and she got a bit sick of it 🙈

OP posts: