High earner/low earner relationships

[CandleLight11]

Partner of 6 years. Both work FT, rent together, no kids, no pets, not married. He earns £160k, I earn £30k. I have £5k debt and struggle every month as I can’t get out of my overdraft etc. He is financially free i.e. no debt and can buy as much coffee/clothes/gadgets as he wants.

We are in a happy relationship but is this normal? I don’t want a handout, but if we are life partners and I am struggling financially, should he be helping me if he can afford to? Or is it entirely my responsibility to get a better paying job and sort it all out myself?

It just feels strange sometimes when I can’t make ends meet, but he will have had 3 expensive coffees in a day and perhaps a nice lunch out whilst working. He buys me the occasional present and takeaways, things like that. On the other hand, I accept it’s his money, he works hard for it and he can do what he wants with it.

Opinions please?

He could be wanting to live with the OP 'as equal's - as PP suggest living on the lower earner's budget.
Too bad, OP wants to live on HIS budget :)

No, she'd be entitled to jobseekers allowance for a finite period of time, regardless of her partner or any savings she may have.

That's a very good question!

He takes home 8k can I ask why you have not purchased a property yet?

You take home 2k so 10k a month could provide a very good lifestyle! But it’s just not possible unless you both have access to money

create a spreadsheet and let him see it - ask him for advice then he might take a hint!

Then I’d have to pay for all living costs if he couldn’t work through illness, as I did when I lived alone. I actually have a chronic illness though so on a practical level I’d be useless.

Sorry to hear that @TedMullins

I should clarify - I am definitely NOT saying that without kids it isn't a proper relationship. Absolutely not.

What I am saying is that if you DO have kids then expenses for the children should be shared (and are so often not)>
OR if both parties enter a legal contract (ie marriage), then of course money is shared - that's what you agree when you marry.

If both partners agree that they have a shared future and agree to share money/a home/ time/ good things and problems - then of course that's what should happen. If they are on the same page.

But OP's partner has not ever done that. None of it. So she can't expect to be subsidised just because her DP earns more.

No offence was intended.

No worries @honkersbonkers38 I think OP and her partner need to sit down and have a proper open and honest conversation

@PikachuChickenRice there is of course that too?

If you'd read the OP's posts, you'd see that he is paying for all of those things.

@Uggtrending high earners do rent to be close to work or live in property in the city centre but I would expect that he has an investment property somewhere else.

I’m surprised to see how many people expect him to own a property because of age and income. I have friends, high income (investment banking/ tech: other high income jobs in London type of income) in similar age group who prefer to rent and instead invest in the market and other ventures.

@Zooeyzo I thought he lived up North?? Not London.

@PeloMom London is a bit different though. The ones who rent are usually in flats right in areas where property normally doesn't come on the market. Of they buy its usually a house or flat in zone 3/4. They are living up north according to OP so maybe the ones saying its odd also live outside London. 160k isn't really that high for London City worker at his age.

@Uggtrending yes I realised my mistake!

@Zooeyzo no worries.

Well you’d be hard pushed to find anywhere decent in London for 1k a month!!!

Personally I’d be looking into how I could earn more money to pay it off. If I were him, a part of me would be wondering why my young, healthy and childfree girlfriend was expecting me to pay off her debt before looking for a new job.

Prioritise the debt above the day to day living cost and family support payment.