Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

[Anon39]

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP states clearly she is autistic and has issues with food.
It doesn't matter that you don't 'get it'.

Crying at being treated so horribly is perfectly normal.

Don't be ridiculous. If you can't see the difference, I don't think you'll understand even if it's explained to you.

And no, one incident with a sausage doesn't have to be reflective of 20 yrs of marriage.

The issue isn't the food.

The issue is the lack of respect for her feelings and a betrayal of trust.

Parents are responsible for feeding children vegetables, husbands are not responsible to feed their wives anything? You see the difference? Just like if your child refuses to leave the park, you can carry them away against their will. You can't grab your wife and carry her away against her will if she wants to stay somewhere.

Sure enough the posters on here can see the difference between a child and a grown ass woman....

Crying at being treated so horribly is perfectly normal.

@TomatoSandwiches is it? you can't make that judgement. Loads of people here wouldn't cry about it. What matters is the OPs feelings but I can understand why DH said grow up in response to crying.

@SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh I just said I do this. Not sure why you think that means I believe it's ok to grab your wife and carry her away against her will if she wants to stay somewhere?

No. We're talking trust.
OP is autistic. Her food choices are not trivial. People may not 'get it' but is not unusual for food to be an 'issue' for many autistics. She trusts her dh to respect choices that are important to her.
And after 20 years he knows that but doesn't respect it.

They either know and are being deliberately ignorant because they behave in similar ways or are that thick the concept is beyond their understanding and it's pointless to try to explain.

That's awful Anon39.Totally wrong.Also it's very disrespectful.
I would be upset too.
It would be like someone tricking me into eating oysters.😱

I take it you can’t read.

He was completely out of order tricking you into eating something you wouldn't want to usually.

That can't be excused.

But lot's of people have 'issues' about foods they've never actually tried or attempted to or had one experience in childhood that made them reject it and that can be annoying to other people who think quite rightly, it's the 'thought' of the food and not the reality of it which is an issue.

And if that effects other people I can see why it's annoying or restricting to others who have to share meals or nights out.

That may or may not be the case here. Though ignorance can lead to someone saying 'you don't like x, y or z? Well you just ate it and liked it so you didn't really not like it, you just had a 'thing' about it.

I tend to err on the side of ignorance and not malice in these kind of situations.

And MN is entirely inconsistent on this issue whereby most commonly, adults (usually men tbf) who have food preferences are usually assumed to be picky, unadventurous, childish, pathetic, unsophisticated and just an all round red flag.

You'll get some posters saying 'maybe they're ASC' but that still excludes all the non- ND people who just have preferences about foods are are considered as ridiculous

OP is getting a pass because it's black pudding that a lot of people have an aversion to just because of what it is, and not because they're ever tried it.

I dont have enough words to say how disguisting this behaviour is. Agree with PP its actually abusive.

This

actually it would be the end of my long marriage

You hide pig blood in your children’s meals? Why?! 😮

I'd agree with OP... Perhaps you'd have a similar response if you were given cooked dog or horse or testicles... To deliberately disguise and misrepresent food you know would repulse someone is vile.

So it's okay to trick someone then laugh in their face and mock them?

He's a dickhead, of course. Not quite as bad as the double dickheads who try to trick vegetarians. But if you eat meat and you liked it, why won't you eat black pudding?

What a stupid comment. The majority of people don't have the same issues with food that the OP has, so of course they wouldn't cry in this exact situation. They might well cry at a situation that hurt them the way this hurts the OP.

The idea that her husband of 20 years doesn't know it would upset her is ridiculous. He acted knowingly

Came on to reply to @MariePaperRoses and her use of disablist language. Can see it's already been removed, well done MN.
See the other c word bandied around on here all the time and it's not on.

Same. I can't put in words how triggering it is for me to even think that someone would force me to put something I didn't want in my body and made sure I could not undo it, to have that power over me.

That would be the same level of breaching trust as cheating, really.

If someone has a fundamental objection to eating something like tricking vegan into eating animal products then yes they should. The op does not want to eat a sausage made of blood and fat many people wouldn't it was of no nutritional benefit to get or anyone to eat it he's just done it to be nasty.

I don't get how the op didn't see it was black and nothing like a sausage to look at though.

Because she does not want to?

We really need to learn as a society to respect other people's decisions without expecting a reason.

It's not comparable to feeding a vegan meat, because black pudding and normal sausages (so not veggie/vegan ones) are both derived from meat.
I do think OP's partner was being very childish and nasty however.