*Anon39 · 09/10/2023 10:48
I’m still here I have read every comment and taken on board what everyone has said. In relation to my post 5 years ago (which another posted referenced) my husband and I separated for 2 years and those issues were addressed with therapy etc. and we worked really hard to reconcile our differences.
which is why this was so upsetting for me as for 2 years we have been a well functioning couple communicating effectively and generally putting our all into being an effective partnership such as division of labour.
he has now accepted that he didn’t give me a choice and that in itself was his error and going forwards to prevent any miscommunication or misunderstanding I will cook only for myself*
This is the post you missed.
*Anon39 · Yesterday 18:52
@ImCamembertTheBigCheese im ok I’m still cross over it and in response to other posters not once did I say I enjoyed eating a few bites of the sandwich I said it tasted different but I thought it was chilli infused and as I’ve never eaten BP before I had no point of reference.
we are going back to therapy because this (I know some people think it’s trivial and that’s fine everyone has their own perspective) but for me it’s a massive trust breach and one I can’t seem to get passed.*
And this one too.
This is beyond ridiculous now. Are you really trying to suggest that abuse and control doesn’t happen unless it involves physical violence ? Lots of men use psychological abuse to control and coerce their partners, and this is an example of exactly that. The OP quite clearly is showing us that this man has caused the breakdown of the marriage to the point where they had to go into therapy. He’s destroyed any trust they built up with his latest abusive behaviour, to the point where the only way she can take control is to not eat anything he gives her - and the OP is now going back into therapy.
Now I’ve answered your question, can you answer something for me ? You keep saying the OP doesn’t like black pudding. Tell me where, in any of her posts she has said that ? As has been said numerous times before, what she said was that she would never eat it. Totally different - a conscious decision not to eat something and entirely her right, whatever the reason. And can you also tell me where, in any of her posts she said that she liked it after tasting it ? What she said was that she could taste something different but as she has never knowingly eaten black pudding she has no frame of reference for what it tastes like. Not once did she say she liked or didn’t like it.
He knew she had strong feelings about not eating it and would never knowingly put it in her mouth, so he gave it to her disguised as something else. Then laughed and told her to grow up when she got upset - upset not just at being tricked, but at the thought that after working so hard at building the trust back into their relationship, he thought nothing of betraying it again. How in the world can you justify minimising all of that ? Do you not understand that this type of abuser looks for weakness in their victim, and then uses it against them ? Which is exactly what’s happening to the OP - and for a second time.
You say that it’s insulting to victims of domestic abuse to suggest that this is the same as their experience. Well I would suggest that you are insulting every woman who has suffered psychological abuse at the hands of a partner, by denying that this sort of abuse happens and trying to minimise its’ effects. You seem to be misunderstanding or misinterpreting the OP’s words and I can’t make up my mind whether you really don’t see the difference or if it’s deliberate to suit your own narrative. Either way, it’s exhausting and I can’t be bothered engaging with it any more. I’m out.